Corporate lingo : )

[Guest guest]

Some weekend humour : )

 

Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.

 

COMPETITIVE SALARY:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

 

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:

We have no time to train you.

 

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well; a

couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

 

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

 

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

 

DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

 

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:

We have no quality control.

 

CAREER-MINDED:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

 

APPLY IN PERSON:

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has

been filled.

 

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:

We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal

formality.

 

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:

You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

 

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

 

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the

pay or respect.

 

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and

do.

 

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:

I've used Microsoft Office.

 

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:

I pilfer office supplies.

 

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:

I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

 

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:

I blame others for my mistakes.

 

I'M PERSONABLE:

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

 

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:

I carry a Day-Timer.

 

I AM ADAPTABLE:

I've changed jobs a lot.

 

I AM ON THE GO:

I'm never at my desk