: )

[Guest guest]

Swami Vivekananda often emphasised that spirituality

without humour is a sure sign of constipation.

Hence from time to time we send a little humour

to this list dedicated to spirituality : )

 

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Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.

 

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note:

" Take only one, God is watching. "

 

Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of

chocolate chip cookies.

 

A boy wrote a note: " Take all you want, God is watching the apples. "

 

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Actual Instruction Labels

 

- ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:

Do not iron clothes on body.

 

- ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

 

- ON A HAIR DRYER:

Do not use while sleeping.

 

- ON A BAG OF FRITOS:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

 

- ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

 

- ON A FROZEN DINNER:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

 

- ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:

Fits one head.

 

- ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:

Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

 

- ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

 

- ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:

Not to be used for the other use.

 

- ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

 

- ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:

Product will be hot after heating.

 

- ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

 

- ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:

Warning keep out of children.

 

- ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

 

- ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:

Warning: contains nuts.

 

=================

 

Actual excerpts from college course evaluation forms:

 

1. " The textbook is almost useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room. "

 

2. " He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high. "

 

3. " Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up! "

 

4. " The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant.

Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him. "

 

5. " Textbook is confusing; someone with a knowledge of English should

proofread it. "

 

6. " Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam

material. "

 

7. " The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was

covered on the final exam. "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

One day, Jed left his country home to visit the big city

of Chicago. As he sat at a bar, a Chinese man came up to

him and asked " Do you like riddles? "

Jed replied, " Boy, I sure do! "

 

So the Chinese man asked, " My mother and father had a baby,

it wasn't my brother and it wasn't my sister, who was it? "

 

Jed sat there and scratched his head and for the life

of him, couldn't figure it out. So he says, " I give up,

who was it? "

 

The Chinese man replied, " It was me, you dummy!! "

 

Jed couldn't wait until he returned back home to try this

riddle out on his friends...

 

One evening, Jed, Kirsty and Lyn were sitting down having

some moonshine, when Jed said, " Hey guys, I've got a riddle

for you. My mother and father had a baby, it wasn't my

brother and it wasn't my sister, who was it?? "

 

Lyn blurted out, " It was you, dummy! "

Jed replies: " No you idiot, it was that Chinese guy

in Chicago!! "

 

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