: )

[Guest guest]

From time to time we send in humour to this list dedicated to spirituality.

Sometimes the humour is a bit iffy. : )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bum asked a man on the street for two dollars.

 

" Will you buy booze? " the man asks, to which the bum replies, " No. "

 

" Will you gamble it away? " Once again the bum replies, " No. "

 

" Will you make bets at the golf course? " Once again the bum replies " No, I

don't play golf "

 

Then the man asks, " Will you come home with me so my wife can see what

happens to a man who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf? "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The other day I was preparing another one of my gourmet

meals. I asked my wife to go over to the local market

and buy some organic vegetables for the evening meal.

 

She came back rather upset.

 

I asked her what happened and she replied, " That produce

guy is a real jerk. He must think I'm blonde or something! "

 

" But you are blonde, " I reminded her.

 

" Not that way. He thought I was stupid or something.

I went and looked around for your organic vegetables

and I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the

organic vegetables were. He didn't seem to understand

so I said:

 

'These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been

sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'

 

The produce guy looked at me and said,

'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself.' "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he

visits one of the 4th grade classes. They are in the middle of a discussion

related to words and their meanings.

 

The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the

discussion of the word, " tragedy. " So the president asks the class for an

example of a " tragedy. "

 

One little boy stands up and offers, " If my best friend, who lives next

door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that

would be a tragedy. "

 

" No " says Bush, " that would be an accident. "

 

A little girl raises her hand: " If a school bus carrying 50 children drove

off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy. "

 

" I'm afraid not " explains the President. " That's what we would call a GREAT

LOSS. "

 

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches

the room. " Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a

tragedy? "

 

Finally, way in the back of the room, a boy named Johnny raises his hand. In

a quiet voice he says, " If Air Force One, carrying you and Mrs. Bush, was

struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.

 

" Correct " exclaims Bush, " that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would

be a tragedy? "

 

" Well, " Lil' Johnny said, " because, like you just told us, it wouldn't be an

accident, and it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss. "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Airhead Airlines, Flight 101, is coming in for a landing, and the pilot is

freaking out.

 

The sweat is jumping off his brow.

 

(Plane landing and screeching to a halt.) RRRtttt!

 

He turns to the co-pilot, and he says,

 

" Man, that is the *shortest* runway I ever landed on. "

 

The co-pilot says, " Yeah, and so *wide*. "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~