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[Guest guest]

Weekend humour for the list dedicated to spirituality......

 

Don't be mistaken

 

 

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, " Bless me,

Father, for I have sinned. "

 

" What is it, child? "

 

" Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice

a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself

how beautiful I am. "

 

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said,

" My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only

a *mistake*. "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The executive was interviewing a goober for a position in his company.

 

He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, " If

you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would

it be? "

 

The goober quickly responded, " The living one. "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

An English professor announced to the class; " There are two words I

don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool. "

 

From the back of the room a voice called out, " ....... so, what are

the words? "

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

You Know You're a Mother When...

 

 

You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.

 

You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

 

You hate the thought of his wife even more.

 

You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.

 

You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.

 

You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, " NOT in

your good clothes! "

 

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

 

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

 

You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.

 

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

 

You say at least once a day, " I'm not cut out for this job " , but you know

you wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

==========conversation with the better half ============

 

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

 

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?

SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

 

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: I'm with you, honey, those guys are the scum of the earth.

 

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of vegetables left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

 

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.

SAFEST: Donot tire yourself - let me do this..

 

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