Humour on Diwali day....

[Guest guest]

: ) on this Diwali day.

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Definitions:-

 

EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.

 

FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western.

 

MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next

issue.

 

OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.

 

BUFFET: A French word that means " Get up and get it yourself. "

 

BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults

who are out can behave like teen-agers.

 

TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car

approaches.

 

PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the

majority has no idea what's happened.

 

SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.

 

SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.

 

TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

 

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Kitchens

 

1. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.

 

2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 

3. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he

just cleaned the whole house.

 

4. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

 

5. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease

to be amused.

 

6. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

 

7. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

 

8. Housework done properly can kill you.

 

9. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead

normal lives.

 

10. My next house will have no kitchen –just vending machines.

 

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Exercise

 

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where she is.

 

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.

Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

 

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people

who annoy me.

 

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

 

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

 

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

 

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