Arranged marriages

[Guest guest]

A long message came from Sriram on the question

of arranged marriage from Rebecca.....

 

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Rebecca,

 

I am not too sure about the 'in the western culture'

bit. I can however give you some inputs about

arranged marriages in India. I am sure you can use

it suitably for your work.

 

Arranged marriages are governed by certain basic

principles of marriage. The basic principles are.

 

1. Spiritual:

 

- Marriage is a means of bringing together two

souls who are karmically bound.

- Marriage is a means by which both the man

and woman help one another to progress on the path of

dharma and thereby spiritual growth. The man passes

on his intellectual/ rational energies while the woman

passes on her emotional energies.

- Begetting children is seen as a spiritual

duty or dharma without which life and spiritual evolution

will not go on.

- In hindu culture, spiritual energy is said

to descend or emerge during spiritual ceremonies only

if both the husband and wife perform the ceremony

together. This is a case of both male & female

energies uniting with a single purpose to move

higher energies.

 

2. Social:

 

- Marriage is a means of raising a family in a

natural and balanced environment.

- Marriage is a means of bonding together two

families and building varied relationships &

performing different roles.

- Marriage is a means of social support and

help in times of need for all concerned.

 

3. Personal

 

- To provide psychological, physical, sexual,

economic and emotional support to one another.

- To be of support and encouragement in old

age and times of ill health.

- To provide social standing and dignity to

one another.

 

In the light of the above, it is seen that marriage

is not a thing to be taken lightly or merely as a means

to sexual satisfaction. It is not just a mating game

where two people get married based on physical

attraction and separate when they no longer find one

another attractive.

 

Marriage is a means to everything that a person

requires to lead a full life, from physical and

emotional needs to social and higher spiritual

needs.

 

This is where arranged marriages are relevant.

 

In a typical arranged marriage, the spiritual

aspects

and some of the social aspects are covered by

matching the horoscopes of the couple to identify whether

they are mentally matched, whether they would be able to

beget children, whether their good and bad times are

balanced by one another, whether the planetary

positions in one would assist & synergise with the

other or not.

 

The other social aspects and personal aspects are

covered by understanding the family background of

the boy/girl, their education, special talents etc. The

boy/ girl then meet to have the final say in the

matter.

 

The important issue is that marriage is taken as a

permanent bond for life except in rare cases of

cruelty, false claims, unfaithfulness, impotence

etc.in which separation is permitted.

 

A marriage is not seen as different from any other

'blood' relationship. Just as we accept our

parents, children and siblings for what ever they are and

love them with all their shortcomings, the married

couple also accept one another for whatever they are and

mentally accept the relationship as part of a divine

plan.

 

I understand that in the western world also

'arranged marriages' are not unknown. In earlier centuries it

was the norm for parents to fix a bride/groom for

their child (though matching horoscopes may not have

been in vogue).

 

In today's world of- lack of spiritual insight,

living for oneself, instant gratification, gross

materialism, lack of social dignity, unwillingness

to adjust and give in, egotism, intolerance and

impatience etc. arranged marriages seem out of place

as they require qualities opposed to all these.

 

Why, for that matter, marriages themselves seem out

of place.

 

Best regards.

>

Sriram