Proverbs : )

[Guest guest]

From time to time we send humour to this list devoted

to spiritual matters... : )

 

Proverbs

 

A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs.

She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb

and had them come up with the rest of it.

 

1.. As you shall make your bed so shall you.....mess it up.

2.. Better be safe than...........punch a 5th grader.

3.. Strike while the............................bug is close.

4.. It's always darkest before......daylight savings time.

5.. You can lead a horse to water but...........how?

6.. Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.

7.. A miss is as good as a......................Mr.

8.. You can't teach an old dog new..............math.

9.. An idle mind is...............the best way to relax.

l0.. Where there's smoke, there's...............pollution.

11.. Happy the bride who..............gets all the presents.

12.. A penny saved is...........................not much.

13.. Two's company, three's.....................the musketeers.

14.. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and......

......you have to blow your nose.

15.. Children should be seen and not......spanked or grounded.

16.. When the blind leadeth the blind......get out of the way!

 

 

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Employer's Lingo : )

 

" COMPETITIVE SALARY "

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

 

" JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM "

We have no time to train you.

 

" CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE "

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well,

a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

 

" MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED "

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

 

" SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED "

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

 

" DUTIES WILL VARY "

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

 

" MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL "

We have no quality control.

 

" CAREER-MINDED "

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

 

" APPLY IN PERSON "

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has

been filled.

 

" SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE "

You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

 

" PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST "

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

 

" REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS "

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the

pay or respect.

 

" GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS "

Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they

want and do it.

 

: )