Once in a while : )

[Guest guest]

Once in a while we take the liberty of sending humour

to our list dedicated to spiritual matters....... : )

 

jay.............. Vivekananda Centre London

 

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Here is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and

announced to his congregation:

" I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have

enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news

is, it's still out there in your pockets. "

 

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A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see his doctor. The doctor

asked him all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they

been occurring, etc. When the veterinarian interrupted him, saying,

" Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of

questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you? "

 

The doctor nodded, looked him up and down, wrote out a prescription,

and handed it to him and said, " There you are. Of course, if that doesn't

work, we'll have to have you put down. "

 

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The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.

 

Bitterly he asked, " What possible excuse could you have for

acquitting this man? "

 

The foreman answered, " Insanity. "

 

The D.A. said, " All twelve of you? "

 

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A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and

said, " Wake up, someone is breaking in! "

 

The man had gone through this almost every night for 20 years,

and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go

and check it out.

 

This time, however, there was a man with a gun who entered

to rob the house.

 

As the thief was about to flee the man said, " You have to

come with me and meet my wife. "

 

The thief said, " Why would you want me to meet your wife? "

 

The man replied, " Well, she's been expecting you for 20 years. "

 

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Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds

for men.

 

Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time,

and he told me I asked too many questions!

 

Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the

game. What questions did you ask?

 

Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, " Why did

you hit the ball into that lake? "

 

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A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first

morning in Summer Camp. He was surprised to see one of the

youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, " Why did you

bring an umbrella to camp? "

 

The kid answered, " Did you ever have a mother?

 

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: ) Vivekananda Centre London