Weekend : )

[Guest guest]

Though this list is devoted to spiritual matters, from time to time

we post some humour .......jay Vivekananda Centre London

 

~~~~~~~~~School reports ~~~~~

 

The following are purported to be actual comments made by NYC

teachers on their report cards as part of their final narratives.

All teachers were reprimanded, but these are great! (Part 1 of 2)

 

1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and

has started to dig.

 

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

 

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

 

4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

 

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then

consistently fails to achieve them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I

start.

 

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

 

I feel better already.

 

~~~~~~~~some definitions~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

 

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

 

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

This came from " vinay_srinath "

For you weekend humour column...

 

Mis-read.....

 

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items

to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make

calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we

have a nursery downstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of

the audience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare

privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied

our pulpit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services

will be discontinued until further notice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and

community.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet

in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation

is invited to attend this tragedy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~