Worry -- and how you can combat it

[Guest guest]

Dear Fellow Travellers in TBP,

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Here is the third one today, again received from a different source. Kindly bear

with me. But, it is also an important topic and I would like to share it with

you all.

 

Love and Love alone.....

 

P. Gopi Krishna

 

=========

 

Worry -- and how you can combat it

 

Tanya Munshi

 

 

You chew your nails and worry yourself sick. Whether it is a presentation, a

date, an exam or an interview -- you always have butterflies whizzing through

your stomach, creating havoc.

 

" Everyone experiences anxiety or worry in their life, " says Prachi S Vaish, a

practising clinical psychologist at Ruby Hall Clinic, Pune. " We worry when an

event is perceived stressful by us and we do not have sufficient resources

(material or emotional) to cope with it. The situation, however, can be helped

-- once we decide to help ourselves. "

Worry overpowers us when we adopt a fatalistic attitude towards life. We tend to

attach too much importance to the most trivial task; a failure in achieving even

the smallest goal makes us lose confidence. As a result, the next time a bigger

task comes up, instead of facing it with enthusiasm, we panic.

Pune-based instructional designer Rahil Mahtani, who is 27 years old, says,

" During a stressful situation, I take some time out from my daily routine to

visit a calm and quiet place; this clears my head of all the mess and helps me

think rationally. "

 

Let's take fthe following scenarios in our lives that can be potential factors

for worry...

 

Work: Looking at greener pastures

 

 

Have you noticed a friend/ colleague who cribs about work all the time? Perhaps,

he/ she does not have the correct job profile.

This can happen to anyone at any point in life. It isn't easy dealing with the

fact that, despite having the qualifications, you're not blessed with the

desired career break or are dissatisfied at work. Sometimes, you're

overqualified for the job you're in and feel frustrated that your colleagues,

who have fewer qualifications, are getting the same package. Or, for that

matter, the fact that your batchmates from college are making pots of money in

their jobs.

 

Remember, the grass will always be greener on the other side. It's time you took

stock of your own life.

" Objectively viewing your life can help you cope with such situations, " says

Vaish. " Ask yourself why you quit your previous job and be honest with yourself.

The reasons could be as basic as poor salary, poor treatment at work, boredom,

dislike for your boss, criticism, etc. "

 

Try this

 

If you can learn how to take criticism in your stride, it can do wonders for

you; consider it to be constructive feedback

 

If you're ill-treated at work, muster the courage to stand up for yourself. It's

scary as hell the first time you do it, but then you gain a sense of confidence

that will not let anyone walk over you.

 

 

If you're stagnating at work, walk up to your HR manager or your boss and tell

him/ her it's time for a project change/ refresher course or even an office

picnic.

Relationships: The achy breaky heart

 

Love is one of the most complex emotions known to mankind.

We love, get hurt, and yet we fall in love all over again -- proving that we

can't escape it. We know things can go wrong in love, for reasons like not

receiving enough love in return, gnawing insecurities, feelings of jealousy,

betrayal or the fear of getting dumped.

Imagine the worst-case scenario -- getting dumped. Is that the end of the world?

Let that teeny-weenie voice inside your head scream " NO! " No relationship is

more important than you yourself.

Whenever you depend on others to make you happy, you will be dejected. Work

towards feeling secure within yourself. Concentrate on your work, friends and

family as well. Do not make that one relationship the centre of your existence.

 

Try this:

If you are going through a break-up, try and adopt an attitude of 'whatever

happens, happens for the best.' Thank God for this opportunity; at least you did

not land up with the wrong person the rest of your life.

 

 

Betrayal is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship, but then,

if you really want to live happily, forgiveness is the key that will help you to

move on. In such cases, the person who hurt you is not worth crying over.

 

There are more fish in the sea. You're young and have your whole life ahead of

you, so don't fret.

 

 

 

You don't always meet the right person at the first go. In fact, it's better to

meet a few wrong people, to know whom to avoid in future. Thank your stars when

you finally meet Mr or Miss Right.

Pre-event jitters: Meeting/ exam/ presentation

 

When our worry/ anxiety exceeds normal levels, the most common physical

reactions are palpitations, headaches, diarrhoea, hyperventilation, dry mouth,

excessive sweating and giddiness.

" Although it is normal to experience a slightly faster heartbeat before entering

an interview room, it is pathological to have it beat so fast that it feels as

if you are having a cardiac arrest, " says Vaish.

You know you have crossed the normal level of anxiety/ worry, when worry start

interfering in your daily activities and you're unable to perform tasks for the

fear that something might go wrong. " This does not have to be deliberate on your

part; you might genuinely feel you're sick, nauseous and weak. What is actually

happening is that your nervous system is telling you you're very anxious and

that's when you use this sickness to escape a seemingly threatening situation, "

adds Vaish.

 

Try this

Calm yourself before an exam or a meeting by doing slow, deep breathing

exercises.

 

 

 

The key is not to panic; once you panic, you will not recall things you already

know.

 

 

 

Walk into an exam/ meeting telling yourself it IS important, but it is not the

end of the world.

 

 

 

Finally, imagine the worst-case scenario. Think of the preventive and corrective

measures you can adopt to ensure that such a situation does not actually take

place. For example, while studying for an exam, keep in mind the worst thing

that can happen to you -- failure. The corrective measure to adopt would be to

autosuggest you can do well. This will help you study harder and pass the exam.

Low self esteem: I'm not good enough

 

Underperformance in academics or sports, your looks, weight, family background,

mental makeup, etc, can be culprits when it comes to low self-esteem.

Sometimes, even failure in love can lead to low self-esteem. When the so-called

'perfect' man/ woman walks out on you, it leaves you with a feeling that you're

not worth it.

For the lower age group, even basic factors like low marks in class, not having

many friends to hang out with, not having trendy clothes to wear, or having to

wear spectacles can lead to low self-esteem.

 

Try this

Think about it -- is what has happened so important that you should lose your

self-esteem? For example, if you think you're not smart enough, there is no harm

in joining a personality development course or a finishing school. Take up

productive methods to boost that low self-esteem.

 

 

Disciplines like yoga and meditation can help you channelise your energies and

thoughts towards something more positive and productive.

 

 

Set smaller and short-term goals that gradually lead to a bigger goal. For

example, if you want to lose weight, set a target of losing at least one kilo a

month so that you will lose at least 12 kilos in a year. Or, learn something

new, like a new language for example. This will not only help you stay focused;

it will also boost your confidence when it comes to achieving new goals in life.

 

Being organised and focused helps you plan your tasks well and finish them on

time. It also helps stop procrastination.

 

Remember, it's really okay to make mistakes.

 

Focus on hobbies/ activities you're good at and develop them further, be it

painting, dancing, or singing. Not everyone is blessed with such talents.