Just Listen

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends in TBP,

 

Love and Love alone....

 

I have been sharing with you what I find worth sharing. I am also a

learner myself.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

P. Gopi Krishna

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I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another

person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we

ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given

from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do

anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're

saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more

important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or

our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe

in the power of simply saying, " I'm so sorry, " when someone is in

pain. And meaning it.

 

One of my relatives told me that when she tried to tell her story

people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something

just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about

themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was

just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what

someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the

focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care.

Many people with cancer can talk about the relief of having someone

just listen.

 

I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening.

In the old days I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized

that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them

down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now

I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find

me there with them.

 

This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went

against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I

thought people listened only because they were too timid to speak or

did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more power to

heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words