Prayer of Relinquishment By Dr. G. R. Vijayakumar

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Prayer of Relinquishment By Dr. G. R. Vijayakumar

'What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your

gift to Him.'

Like most Sai devotees, when I first began active experi-mentation with

prayer to Sai Baba, I was full of questions, such as: Why are some

agonizingly sincere prayers granted, while others are not? Today I still

have questions. Mysteries of Sai Baba are always ahead of present

knowledge - luring, beckoning on to further experimentation. But one

thing I do know - I learned it through hard experience. It is a way of

my prayer to Sai Baba that has resulted consistently in a glorious

answer, glorious because each time power beyond human reckoning has been

released. This is the prayer of relinquishment.

 

I got my first glimpse of it in the fall of 1985. I had then sustained

an injury to my right shoulder and the arm was out of use for over two

months. Long immobilization practically made me unable to lift the right

limb above the chest-level. A bevy of specialists and physiotherapy

seemed unable to help. Persistent prayer to Sai Baba, using all the

faith I could muster, had resulted in nothing.

 

One afternoon, a pamphlet was put in my hands. It was the story of a

missionary who had been an invalid for eight years. Constantly she had

prayed that God would make her well so that she might do his work.

Finally, worn out with futile petition, she prayed: 'All right, I give

up. If you want me to be an invalid, that is your business. Anyway, I

want you even more than I want health. You decide'. In two weeks the

woman was out of bed, completely well.

 

This made no sense to me, yet I could not forget the story. On the

morning of 18th October 1985 - how can I for-get the date? - I came to

the same point of abject acceptance. 'I am tired of asking' was the

burden of my prayer. 'I am beaten through, Sai Maharaj; you decide what

you want for me'.

 

My wife suggested that we go over to Bangalore as my sister, Mrs. Usha

Ranganathan, was returning to India from USA. We could not only receive

her but also participate in the 'Punya Thithi' celebrations at Sri Sai

Spiritual Centre, Bangalore on November, 23rd and 24, 1985. I told her

that if Saipadananda Radhakrishna Swamiji gives mean indication that I

should be present at the Mahasamadhi Celebrations' we would surely go

over to Bangalore. I had no faith as I understood faith, expected

nothing. The gift of my sick-self made me say these with no trace of

graciousness.

 

The mail brought me a deluxe invitation from Sai Spiri-tual Centre,

Bangalore. It was unexpected as well as surprising because I am not a

member of the centre. Sai Maharaj and Gurudev Radhakrishna Swamiji

greeted me and beckoned me to be present at Bangalore for the

Mahasamadhi Celebrations and Kumbabhishekam of the renovated temple. The

riddle of my getting this V. I. P. invitation was solved by Mr. S. P.

Nanjunda Mudaliar, then President of Sai Spiritual Centre, later at

Shirdi in February 1986. He told me that Sai Baba prompted him to

dispatch invitations to all Sai bandhus who had contributed articles to

the Souvenir of the forthcoming Devotees' Convention. As my article too

found a place in the Souvenir, I got an invitation to attend the

Mahasamadhi Celebrations.

 

As I saw the invitation for Mahasamadhi day as well as the

'Kumbabhishekam' of the Sai Spiritual Centre, tears flowed. It was as if

I had touched a button that opened windows in heaven, as if some dynamo

of heavenly power began flowing.

 

Within minutes I had experienced the presence of the living Sai Baba and

Radhakrishna Swamiji in a way that wiped away all doubt and

revolutionized my life. From that moment my recovery began.

 

We journeyed to Bangalore on the night of November 19th 1985. We were

stunned to see the magnificent change that had come at the Sai Spiritual

Centre. As I offered my obeisance to Sai Maharaj and Swamiji, a surprise

awaited me. I could lift my arm. There was no more the disability.

 

As I sat in a corner of the Centre, Sai Baba was try-ing to teach me

something important about prayer. Gradually, I saw that a demanding

spirit, with self-will as its rudder, blocks prayer. I feel that the

reason for this is that Sai Baba absolutely refuses to violate our

free-will that, therefore, un-less self-will is voluntarily given up,

even Sai Baba cannot move to answer prayer.

 

In time, I gained more understanding about the prayer of

'Relinquishment' through the experiences of others in conte-mporary life

and through Sai Satcharitra. Sai Baba's life is a pattern for us, I

learned. He could have avoided his Asthmatic attacks. He did not have to

give up his body for three days on the lap of Mahlsapathy to get rid of

Asthma. He had the power, but Sai Baba used His free will to leave the

decision to 'Allah-Malik'. Sri Junnerkar in his novel on Sai Baba 'THE

MISSION DEVINE' brings Sai Baba's prayer into focus for us. " Dear Allah,

all things are possible to you, please let me not suffer from these

attacks of Asthma. Yet it is not what I want, but what you want " .

 

The prayer was not answered as the human Sai Baba wished. Yet power has

been flowing from His tomb at Shirdi ever since. Even as he was

suffering from repeated attacks of Asthma, Sai Baba never forgot the

presence or the power of God. The prayer of 'Relinquishment' must not be

inter-preted negatively. It does not let us lie down in the dust of a

God-less universe and steer ourselves just for the worst. Rather it

says: 'This is my situation at the moment. I will face the reality of

it. But I will also accept willingly what-ever a loving father sends'.

Acceptance therefore never slams the door on hope.

 

It is good to remember that not even an expert cowherd can lead if the

cows have not this trust and insist on running ahead of him or taking

side paths or just stubbornly refusing to follow him. That is why Sai

Baba commended: " Cast your burdens on me. I shall surely carry them " .

Our pliability must be complete, from our wills right on through to our

actions. So Mother Sathya Kapoor, wife of Sri P.K. Kapoor, 1121, Chah

Rabat, Delhi - 110006, found as she wrestled in prayer years ago. Their

only child Rachna was seriously ill. The attending physician warned that

unless the young girl's fever abated before morning she would die.

 

As Mother Sathyaji sat by Rachna's bed her thoughts went to what her

husband had said earlier that day: " I can-not endure the alternations of

hope and fear, therefore I have settled with myself not to hope at all " .

But the mother could not share Kapoorji's hopelessness. Rachna could

not, must not die. This daughter has a fine mind and attractive

features. Why should some capricious providence demand that they give

her up?

 

As the night deepened, the girl lay so still that she seemed to be in

the ante-room of death. The mother went to the window and looked out.

There was no moonlight; a dark and silent sky was heavy with clouds.

 

" I cannot bear this loss - cannot - cannot......., " Then suddenly,

unaccountably, another thought took over, " Why should I doubt the

goodness of Sai Baba? Let him take Rachna, if he sees best, I can give

her to him. No, I won't fight against him anymore " .

 

Then an even stronger thing happened. Having made the great sacrifice,

Mother Sathyaji expected to feel sadder. Instead she felt lighter,

happier than at any time since Rachna's illness had begun.

 

Some minutes later, she walked back to the girl's bedside, felt her

daughter's forehead. It was moist and cool. Rachna was sleeping

naturally. And the mother rushed in to the next room to tell her husband

that a miracle had happened.

 

Now the intriguing question is: What is the spiritual law implied in

this prayer of 'Relinquishment'? Fear is like a screen erected between

us and Sai Baba, so that His power cannot get through to us. So how does

one get rid of fear? This is not easy when the life of someone dear

hangs in the balance, or when what we want most is involved. At such

times, every emotion, every passion, is tied up in the dread that what

we fear most is about to come upon us. Obviously only drastic measures

can deal with such a gigantic fear and the demanding spirit that usually

goes along with it. My experience has been that repeating 'OM SAI SRI

SAI JAYA JAYA SAI' as a faith affirmation is not drastic enough.

 

So then we are squarely up against the law of relinquishment. Was Sai

Baba showing us to use this law when He said: " Why fear when I am here "

In Sai's eyes, fear is evil because it is acting out of lack of trust in

Him. So he is advising: " Resist not fear " . In other words, Sai Baba is

saying, admit the possibility of what you fear most. And lo, as you stop

feeling, force yourself to walk up to the fear, look it full in the face

- never forgetting that Sai Baba and His powers are still the supreme

reality-the fear evaporates. Drastic? Yes. But it is one sure way of

releasing prayer power into human affairs.

Source Shri Sai Padananda July 1988 issue