How to overcome grief

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How to overcome grief

Mahabharata

Santi Parva, Section CCCXXXII

Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli

 

Narad Muni said: The Supreme Soul is without beginning and without

end. It resides as a witness in the Jiva-soul as the embodied soul.

It is inactive and without form.

 

 

 

Those people who, beholding the course of life and death in the

world with the aid of their intelligence, do not shed tears, are

said to behold properly. Such persons have never to shed tears. When

any such calamity comes, productive of either physical or mental

grief, as is incapable of being warded off by even one's best

efforts, one should cease to reflect on it with sorrow. This is the

medicine for sorrow, viz., not to think of it. By thinking of it,

one can never dispel it; on the other hand, by thinking upon sorrow,

one only enhances it.

 

 

 

Mental grief should be killed by wisdom, while physical grief should

be dispelled by medicines. This is the power of knowledge.

 

 

 

Youth, beauty, life, stored wealth, health, association with those

that are loved- these are all exceedingly transitory.

 

 

 

One should not lament individually for a sorrowful occurrence that

concerns an entire community.

 

 

 

All combinations are destined to end in dissolution. Union is sure

to end in disunion, and life is certain to end in death.

 

 

 

One's allotted period of life is running continually. It stops not

in its course for even a single moment. Days and nights are

ceaselessly running bearing away in their current the periods of

life of all human beings.

 

 

 

Upon the dissolution of the body, another body, which is as much

destructible as the one that is destroyed, is kept ready for the

burnt or destroyed creature (to migrate into) even as one boat goes

to another for transferring to itself the passengers of the other

boat. When the allotted period of a person's life is at its close,

the five primal elements of the body attain to the seventh and the

ninth stages and then cease to be. The soul however undergoes no

change. The ten stages of a person's life are:

 

 

 

1.Residence within the womb.

 

2.Birth.

 

3.Infancy up to five years.

 

4.Childhood up to 12 years.

 

5.Pauganda (teen years) up to 16 years.

 

6.Youth up to 48 years.

 

7.Old age.

 

8.Decrepitude.

 

9.Suspension of breath.

 

10.Destruction of body.

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From The Mahabharata

Stree Parva, Section I, II & III

Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli

 

 

 

While King Dhritarashtra was indulging in such lamentations, (with

grief on account of the death of his son), Sanjaya addressed him in

the following words for dispelling his grief:

 

 

 

" Cast off your grief, O monarch! You have heard the conclusions of

the Vedas and the contents of diverse scriptures and holy writ, from

the lips of the old, O King! You are possessed of learning and

intelligence and are always truthful. They that are so righteous and

possessed of such intelligence as you are never stupefied by grief.

The man who indulges in grief never wins wealth. By grieving one

loses the fruits one desires. Grief is again an obstacle to the

acquisition of objects dear to us. The man who gives way to grief

loses even his salvation. The man, who shrouds a burning coal within

the folds of his attire and is burnt by the fire that is kindled by

it, would be pronounced a fool if he grieves for his injuries. The

tear-stained face, O King, which you bear now is not approved by the

scriptures or praised by the wise. These tears, like sparks of fire,

burn the dead for whom they are shed. Kill your grief with your

intelligence, and bear yourself up with the strength of your own

self! "

 

 

 

Thus was the King comforted by the high-souled Sanjaya.

 

Vidura then once again addressed the King, displaying great

intelligence.

 

 

 

Vidura said: Rise, O king! Why are you stretched on the earth? Bear

thyself up with thy own self. O King, even this is the final end of

all living creatures. Everything massed together ends in

destruction; everything that gets high is sure to fall down. Union

is certain to end in separation; life is sure to end in death. The

Destroyer drags both the hero and the coward. When one's time comes,

O King, one cannot escape.

 

 

 

As regards living creatures, they are non-existent at first. They

exist in the period that intervenes. In the end they once more

become non-existent. What matter of grief then is there in this?

 

 

The man that indulges in grief succeeds not in meeting with the

dead. By indulging in grief, one does not himself die. When the

course of the world is such, why do you indulge in sorrow? Death

drags all creatures, even the gods. There is none dear or hateful to

death. As the wind tears off the top of all blades of grass, even

so, O bull of Bharata's race, Death overmasters all creatures. All

creatures are like members of a caravan bound for the same

destination. (When death will encounter all) it matters very little

whom he meets with first.

 

 

 

 

 

It behoveth thee, O King, not to grieve for those that have been

slain in battle. Invisible they had been (before birth). Having come

from that unknown region, they have once more become invisible. They

are not thine, nor art thou theirs. What grief then is there in such

disappearance?

 

 

 

Comforting thyself with thy own self cease to grieve. It behoveth

thee not to suffer thyself to be overwhelmed with sorrow and to

abandon all actions. There are thousands of mothers and fathers and

sons and wives in this world. Whose are they, and whose are we? From

day to day thousands of causes spring up for sorrow and thousands of

causes for fear. These, however, affect the ignorant but are nothing

to him that is wise. There is none dear or hateful to Time. Time is

indifferent to none. All are equally dragged by Time. Time causes

all creatures to grow and it is Time that destroys everything. When

all else is asleep, Time is awake.

 

 

 

Time is irresistible. Youth, beauty, life, possessions, health and

the companionship of friends, all are unstable. He that is wise will

never covet any of these. It behoveth thee not to grieve for what is

universal. A person may, by indulging in grief, himself perish, but

grief itself, by being indulged in, never becomes light. If you feel

your grief to be heavy, it should be counteracted by not indulging

in it. Even this is the medicine for grief, that one should not

indulge in it. By dwelling on it one cannot lessen it. On the other

hand, it grows with indulgence. Upon the advent of evil or upon the

bereavement of something that is dear, only they that are of little

intelligence suffer their minds to be afflicted with grief. This is

neither Profit nor Religion, nor Happiness, on which thy heart is

dwelling.

 

 

 

The indulgence of grief is the certain means of one's losing one's

objects. Through grief, one falls away from the three great ends of

life (Virtue, Wealth and Pleasure). [ See page " Virtue, Wealth and

Pleasure " – See the column on the left]. They that are destitute of

contentment, are stupefied on the accession of vicissitudes

dependent upon the possession of wealth. They, however, that are

wise, are on the other hand, unaffected by such vicissitudes.

 

 

 

One should kill mental grief by wisdom, just as physical grief

should be killed by medicine. Wisdom has this power. They, however,

that are foolish, can never obtain tranquillity of soul. The acts of

a former life closely follow a man, insomuch that they lie by him

when he lies down, stay by him when he stays, and run with him when

he runs. In those conditions of life in which one acts well or ill,

one enjoys or suffers the fruit thereof in similar conditions. In

those forms (of physical organisation) in which one performs

particular acts, one enjoys or suffers the fruits thereof in similar

forms. One's own self is one's own friend, as, indeed, one's own

self is one's own enemy. [Note: Refer also to Bhagavad Gita, Chapter

6, Verses 5 & 6 ]. One's own self is the witness of one's acts, good

and evil. From good acts springs a state of happiness, from sinful

deeds springs woe. One always obtains the fruit of one's acts. One

never enjoys or suffers weal or woe that is not the fruit of one's

own acts.

 

He that is wise obtains tranquillity by subduing both grief and joy

through means by which one may escape from grief and joy. All those

things about which we are anxious are ephemeral. The world is like a

plantain tree, without enduring strength. Since the wise and the

foolish, the rich and the poor, all, divested of their anxieties,

sleep on the crematorium, with bodies reft of flesh and full of bare

bones and shriveled sinews, whom amongst them will the survivors

look upon as possessed of distinguishing marks by which the

attributes of birth and beauty may be ascertained? (When all are

equal in death) why should human beings, whose understandings are

always deceived (by the things of this world) cover one another's

rank and position?

 

The learned say that the bodies of men are like houses. In time

these are destroyed. As a person casting off one attire, whether old

or new, wears another, even such is the case with the bodies of all

embodied beings. [Note: Refer also to Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2,

Verse 22]. Creatures obtain weal or woe as the fruit of their own

acts. Through their acts they obtain heaven, or bliss, or woe.

Whether able or unable, they have to bear their burdens which are

the result of their own acts.

 

 

 

As amongst earthen pots some break while still on the potter's

wheel, some while partially shaped, some as soon as brought into

shape, some after removal from the wheel, some while in the course

of being removed, some after removal, some while wet, some while

dry, some while being burnt, some while being removed from the kiln,

some after removed therefrom, and some while being used, even such

is the case with the bodies of embodied creatures. Some are

destroyed while yet in the womb, some after coming out of the womb,

some on the day after, some on the expiration of a fortnight or of a

month, some on the expiration of a year or of two years, some in

youth, some in middle age, and some when in old age.

 

 

 

Creatures are born or destroyed according to their acts in previous

lives. When such is the course of the world, why do you then indulge

in grief? As men, while swimming in sport on the water, sometimes

dive and sometimes emerge, O King, even so creatures sink and emerge

in life's stream. They that are of little wisdom suffer or meet with

destruction as the result of their own acts. They, however, that are

wise, observant of virtue, and desirous of doing good unto all

living creatures, they, acquainted with the real nature of the

appearance of creatures in this world , attain at last to the

highest end.

 

The wise have said that the Atman (Self) is immortal and that the

phenomenon of death is merely the separation of the astral body from

the physical body.

 

 

 

[Note: Refer also to Katha Upanisad, I,ii,22 where the text shows

how from the knowledge of the Self comes the elimination of grief:

 

" Having meditated on the Self, as bodyless in the midst of bodies,

as permanent in the midst of the impermanent, and as great and

pervasive, the wise man does not grieve. " ]

 

 

 

The five elements of which the body is composed return to their

source. Just as pilgrims unite and separate at a public inn, so also

fathers, mothers, sons, brothers, wives, relations unite and

separate in this world. He who thus understands the nature of the

body and all human relationships based upon it will derive strength

to bear the loss of our dear ones.

 

 

 

In the Divine plan, one day each union must end with separation.

 

 

 

In the Mahabharata, Bhishma said:

Develop this attitude based on wisdom:

 

I am alone. There is no one who is mine; nor do I belong to anyone.

Even this body does not belong to me. These objects of the world are

not mine; nor do they belong to others. Or, all things belong

equally to all beings. Therefore there is no need for any mind to

grieve over these.

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