Hinduism - Marriage.

[Guest guest]

Dear friends and devotees,

 

Bhakti is eternal.

 

After giving some details on Hinduism, I wanted to give the importance

of Marriage in Hindus. I immediately recollected an article presented

by Sri Sai Susarla on the subject. He is taking every endeavor to bring

up Telugu literature in the software field. He has also promoted a site

where he arranged to deliver many Telugu discourses of eminent

personalities. He had stated that the article appeared in a periodical

magazine published by Sri Shirdi Sai Baba Temple at Pittsburgh, PA, USA,

which had been made online with the author's permission and

rewritten by him. I am sharing with you all.

 

With love and regards,

 

Sastry

 

Establishment of Family Values through the Institution of Marriage

 

Suka Maharishi is described thus in Srimad bhaagavatam:

 

" A mahayogi who has realized the equanimous Brahman, who does not

see any difference between various happenings, who constantly resides

and is focused in that stage, who is awakened from the reverie of Maya,

and who is apparently dull witted.''

 

Once, vyasa Bhagavan was following his son Suka across a river, where

women were bathing. Suka was not wearing anything. The bathing women

were indifferent to him. However, as Vyasa passed them, they covered

themselves with clothes. When the surprised Vyasa asked the women the

reason for this, they said, " You still have the discrimination

between she and he, her and him whereas in Sukacharya's unsullied

perception there is no such distinction! "

 

After his formal education in the Vedas and other scriptures, Suka was

asked by is father to follow the natural path of gruhastasrama. As we

have seen earlier, Suka was already a realized sage for whom the

pleasures of the senses had totally no relevance. He debated the

futility of gruhasthasrama with his learned father.

 

Suka: Sir, why do you insist on the avidya of marriage, when you know

that I am fully immersed in the higher self? Don't you agree that

seeking happiness is also seeking sorrow? I am now in a state of

absolute bliss focused as I am on the infinite. Where is the need for me

to descend to a level when I would be deprived of that, and instead will

have a mix of pain and pleasure? Marriage will make me a slave. Even a

prisoner in chain has hopes of freedom, but there is no escape for a

married person. The wise men, therefore, keep away from all sense

pleasure as if they are the excrement of the body. For the learned souls

there is no higher happiness than constantly dwelling in the aatman in a

liberated state of mind. Please advise me, wise sage, why I should give

up Satyam, Sivam and Sundaram. Why do you want to push me into the orbit

of samsaara where I will be compelled to move round and round like the

hapless planets? What valid reason is there to stoop to the level of

pigs and dogs? After repeated lower births we attain the birth of human

beings with the ability for higher learning. Why do you want me to dig

low again? Now I am beyond the binding energies of triguNa. Why the

bondage again?

 

Vyasa: I do not doubt, for a moment, your immense learning. My dear son,

a house is not a prison. Detachment from the phenomenal world is a

mental state. Even a married person can be free from attachment, and yet

perform the role of householder. By earning in the right way,

discharging duties with devotion, being truthful in thought, word and

deed, it is possible to lead a flawless life of a liberated soul even in

gruhastasrama. You must marry in order to support brahmachaaris, yatis

(saints), and those in vaanaprasthasrama. They depend on you so that

they can discharge the duties appropriate to their aasrama. You also

need to pay your debts to the other entities such as the birds and

animals, forefathers and gods. Penance comes after fulfilling your

duties to them.

 

You may not know how powerful the drives of senses are. You might think

that you have them under complete control. Even Rushi Visvamitra could

not resist Menaka, in spite of his penance for three thousand years

without a morsel of food. Paraasara, the very avataara of mahaavishnu

fell to satyavati. You have to marry and go through the motions if you

want to avoid waywardness.

 

Suka: Respectful sage, please tell me how I can find happiness in the

indrajala of money, the poisonous bondage to the body? A desire-less

person is happier than Indra himself, even though he may be a mere

beggar. How often Indra was jealous of a mendicant seer doing penance

and provoked the demons to disturb such penance! Hasn't he even sought

Lord Siva to destroy the penance of a yogi? The materially wealthy spend

sleepless nights. Why do you push me in to the vicious and miserable

cycle of birth, suffering, old age and death?

 

Oh! To serve others for a living! Isn't flattery an important component

of serving? Ugh! Sycophancy, after all my learning and wisdom! Even

death is better.

 

Take food for instance. Now, I do not have to worry about what I eat and

when. Can I afford that indifference as a gruhastha? I am least

interested in action. Teach me, worthy aachaarya, how to destroy karma

and accumulation of asset and liability of action, and how to dissolve

the cause of birth.

 

Hearing his son's fervent and logical appeal, Vyasa was overcome by

grief.

 

Suka noticed his father's sadness and thought to himself, " My father

is no ordinary mortal. He is a matchless scholar. But he is also in a

delusion and is unhappy because of maaya. My only refuge is the Divine

Mother. Even Gods Indra and Trimurtis are controlled by Her energy which

is infinite. We are told that Vyaasa is an amsa (integral part) of

Vishnu, but he is now like a wrecked ship, deluded and in tears. The

five elements are the cause of his grief, and I am responsible for his

sorrow. "

 

Suka prayed to the Divine Mother, and talked consolingly to his father,

" Sire, you are verily my God. You have a great capacity for flawless

reasoning, and discourse. I do not have to tell you that your sorrow is

borne out of delusion. But dear father, can hunger be satisfied by

looking at the sun? Food, water and all the related business can stop

but not satisfy the sun. To control the sense related activity, they

must be entertained, but not the sun! Is not all sense pleasures related

to and be satisfied with materialism? Alas, only a miser can make and

save money. What a misfit I am, in that sphere! I know that I am a

brahmin, and that to be born so and be formed as a Rishi is a boon. But

I feel that I am not fully liberated. Teach me how not to enter a

mother's womb again. " Vyasa felt happy and admired the wisdom and

true humility of his son.

 

He looked at Suka fondly, and said, " Recite the Bhagavad-Gita. By

constant recitation you acquire Jnaana and Vijnaana. "

 

Suka then went to Vatapatrasaayi (Resting on the banyan leaf) Vishnu,

and asked " Divine Mother, why am I unhappy? " He heard Her

reply, " I am in all. There is nothing new other than the ancient.'

He also had Her darSan. Contemplating on her response and seeing Her in

the purest form of Vishnu, he queried, " How is this tree created?

How did I come into being? " There was silence for some time. She

then talked, " Why do you doubt my energy? You are confused. I know

that I am the eternal energy. At the end of mahaapralaya, my

unmanifested energy will manifest as Myself. Then everything - Brahma,

Vishnu and even you - will be created, then the basic energy for the

visible universe will emerge, and all that is moving and not moving will

be created. So, self-knowledge is the source of liberation. But you need

my grace and will for that. Touch your intuitive powers, and you will

find secret of creation which is passed on in a chain reaction, and

passed on. Recite the chapters of Devi Bhagavatam relating to eternal

energy. It will provide you relief from bondage which will help you

banish darkness. "

 

Reciting Devi Bhagavatam, however, did not bring the desired peace for

Suka. He still felt disturbed; he became more aloof and depressed.

 

Seeing this, Vyaasa talked to his wise son. " Why are you like an

indebted person? Am I not with you to provide anything that you need? If

all the theories do not bring you the inner calmness, go to Janaka who

is a brahmajnaani, a true saint and incarnation of unsullied knowledge.

Seek from him the essence of liberation, and eternal joy. " If

formal learning does not help, residency with seers who can teach

applied knowledge will certainly be of use. Janaka maharaja is an

embodiment of perfect living. When Suka heard of the sterling qualities

of Janaka, he just could not believe that it was possible to lead such a

life, like lotus in slime, and like water on the lotus leaf. He decided

to meet the king in person, after assuring his father that he would

return and pursue the study of the Vedas.

 

It took two to three years to reach Mithila, the capital of Janaka's

kingdom. On the way he met wise sages, yogis, relinquished people

leading vaanaprasthaasrama and others doing penance. He crossed the Meru

mountain, and at last reached the gates of Mithila where he was stopped

by the guards. However, the shining face of the young sage, his

excellent posture and nonchalant looks did not earn him an entry. The

guards stopped him politely, and asked for the reason of his visit. His

ego punctured, Suka felt deeply depressed. He said to himself, " Why

did I spend all my energy in this futile travel? This city looks dead;

it is without body or soul. " Soon he overcame his anger and

explained at length the purpose of his visit, after duly introducing

himself as the son of Vyaasa. The guards tested his wisdom by asking him

to distinguish between happiness and sorrow.

 

Now Suka was in his elements. He said, " Lust, desire and avarice

result in sorrow. Contemplation on the Atman and devotion to God is

happiness. Ekaanta - not that of a recluse as one generally

misunderstands the term, but pursuit of sense pleasures leads to misery.

Vedanta and aatma-chintana give lasting happiness " . The guards were

satisfied of the genuine wisdom of the young sage, and took him to a

pleasant abode, passing through many security gates. The beautiful young

women who served the sage did not cause a flutter in his heart. He was

least agitated by their luscious presence even after the sun set when

the cool fragrant wind pervaded the place.

 

The next morning, the Emperor arrived with his regalia, paid respects to

Suka, inquired the health of his illustrious father, offered presents of

cows and sweetmeat as befitting an eminent guest, and sought his

permission for a conversation.

 

Janaka: I am but a ruler of a kingdom with all the attendant

responsibilities, but you are a detached, contended, peaceful person

wanting nothing. I am honored by your visit. Pray, of what assistance

can I be?

 

Suka was instantly struck by the true humility of the great king and

paid due homage.

 

Suka: Your Excellency, the matter seems simple. My respectful father is

eager that I should marry and lead the life of a gruhastha, but my mind

does not accept his wish. He said your Excellency is the most liberated

soul, and that you are the most detached person, burdened as you are

with the onerous duties of a king. So he sent me to you for being

convinced of the need for gruhasthaasrama. I think that marriage and my

temperament are a contradiction like the presence of a flower in the

sky. I am interested in total liberation, and nothing else. I do not

want to disobey my worthy father. Venerable king, please tell me why

should I marry? Please also clear my other doubts. Are penance,

pilgrimage, yaaga and Vedic learning true liberation or is there a

higher Jnaana?

 

Janaka: Let me tell you what little I know. After upanayanam every

young person should learn the Vedas through an aachaarya (worthy

teacher), and then the Vedanta. On completion of formal learning, he

should pay appropriate guru dakshina (Payment to Guru as gratitude)

before taking leave of the teacher. It is expected that he should

then marry and enter the next phase, that of gruhasthaasrama. The apt

dharma for a householder includes righteousness, contentment, eschewing

desires, a pure heart and a truthful mind, and agnihotram (performance

of homa and maintenance of the three perennial domestic fires). In due

course of time, he has progeny and the responsibilities attached

thereto.

 

After discharging the functions of a father, he enters the

Vaanaprasthaasrama. He then strives to conquer the inner force. As he

approaches success in this noble effort, he hands over the care of his

wife to his children, having invoked the inner heat from his soul and

realizing the dharma of renunciation. He then dons the robe of a

sanyasin and follows the path of final liberation through self

purification and total detachment.

 

My son, sense gratification has no place in one's attempt to control the

inner force which is the real wealth for the seeker of liberation. But

all the prescribed steps are necessary without which one might

falter " .

 

Suka politely interjected.

 

Suka: If the heart is pure, doubtless and detached, as to why one cannot

skip the steps?

 

(The question amounts to - can one do doctoral research skipping the

undergraduate and graduate studies?)

 

Janaka spoke with immense patience.

 

Janaka: Dear young scholar, you are not fully aware of the power of the

senses. Unless the mind matures (like the lemon fruit becoming pickle!)

attractions will grip you and will try to bind you. The sensory motors

will hold you. The eyes beholding beauty, the ears honing to sweet

music, the nostrils flaring for fragrance, the palate of the gourmet

eager for the best wind and food, and the whole physical body yearning

for the pleasures of the couch will want to subdue the phenomenal self.

Even a yati could be helpless under the onslaught of the senses!

 

The steps or phases of the first three aasramas help one to decelerate

the runaway senses, to rein those horses of pleasures, to regulate them

by floodgates as it were. You see, the person perched on a tree is

always afraid of falling if he were to go to sleep, but there is no such

fear for him who sleeps on the floor. Those who fly are in the danger

(like the birds) of falling, but those who are closer to earth hurt

themselves less even if they fall. Walking is safer than flying!

 

Even in the first three stations, one must learn to practice

nishkaamakarma (action sans attachment), practice it well over a long

period while performing action, so that, in course of time, it gradually

becomes second nature. A true jiivan-mukta is not bound by karma. The

first three stages are the preparatory ground for realizing the self

effulgent atman. They help one to be a mere witness for phenomenal

existence. A doubting person can never realize that divine spark within.

 

You know, self or atman needs no liberation, because it has never been

bound in the first instance! If the mind is clear, then the delusion

vanishes. I do not have to tell you, learned Brahman, that body and the

mind are entities separate from the atman. Intellect is the cause for

any such confusion. Seek enlightenment by learning to free your mind

from the aatman. It is the business of the senses to divert the

intellect away from aatman; and that is Maya. But remember, that for all

their mischief, they cannot taint the soul or aatman. However, following

the paths of the first three stations of life - brahmacharya,

gruhasthaasrama and that of vaanaprastha - one can step on to the fourth

with the confidence of the winner. They are prescribed in the scriptures

which are never wrong, since they are the touchstone of wisdom and

experience of the wisest. The path of the Vedas is always auspicious.

 

Suka: The Vedas recognize himsa (violence) and other vices. A person

enjoying the sense pleasures is bound to have sorrow as a complement.

How is it possible to live in a free state of consciousness while being

married?

 

Janaka: There is smoke only when wood is burnt. After wood is totally

burnt, there is no smoke! Desires are to be completely burnt to do away

with smoke or attachment. (baaba: fry even the seed). Absence of ego

binds not even where there is action. Act without thinking of or

expecting fruits of action. Neither the action nor the results belong to

you. Everything is His.

 

Suka: It is still not clear to me how one can be detached in the midst

of the world of magic. How can moha and mukti be together? Unless the

light is switched on darkness cannot vanish. Knowledge of the scriptures

is like the light switch. Then the soul attains the love all and serves

all status, whereas the married person is circumscribed by his own

family limiting his attention. You are falsely promising the thief

respect of a saint. Mine and yours can be gotten rid of by the

gruhastha? How did you become bodiless, keeping at bay the inauspicious

even while being engaged in activities that rightly belong to the first

three aasramas? Time cannot bind transcendental state. It can be

experienced only by a yogi. Where is the time for you steeped as you are

in a multitude of activities? You have an army to take care, a war to

wage, a law to enact, a judgment to deliver, a visitor to host and a

thousand things to do. How can there be a state of equanimity? It is

like a serpent trying to wear a flower garland on its non-existent neck!

For the people in the state of awareness, wood and gold are alike. They

see the self (aatman) in all creations and serve them naturally as the

liberated souls should. Oh! All this is hypothetical and far away from

my main question. Convince me that marriage is good for me. As a

sanyaasin, I would be aloof; having left the society behind, I would

have overcome attachment. My mind would be in constant peace, living the

physical existence of an animal, so to say, eating fruits, roots and

leaves in the forest, neither seeking nor accepting anything from

anybody. I wish to lead this kind of life, away from all sense needs. In

this scheme of things and quality existence where is the place for a

wife? In the created world of phenomena we recognize forms and their

attributes. Creating is nothing but a mishmash of desires and consequent

adherence. You claim to be a detached person. You are nothing but an

unbelievable contradiction. (Suka's reasoning was not impeccable as it

seems. His intellectualization is only an exercise in rationalization

from conclusion to the premises, and thus a fundamental flaw in logic.

He is overwhelmed by his own certainty, and even starts mocking at the

great emperor, clearly exhibiting signs of arrogance and immaturity). He

continued, Oh, mighty emperor, you always think of your treasury and

taxes, battles won and to be won - men and women to be honored and

punished - all that is your duty, is it not? - And anxious. Controlled

senses and samsaara! Ugh, what a contradiction. Moderation and ceaseless

activity; again, what an inconsistency! So, Videha is only a surname for

you. It is an unreal and even hypocritical world that you have created

for yourself, where the fool is considered as a scholar, where the blind

is known as Surya and the poor considered as Mahalakshmi! You are a

Videha only because of your lineage and by merit or performance. Talking

about lineage, was not nimi your forefather who fought and exchanged

curses with Vasishta while preparing for a Yaga for Indra? Your life is

a strange drama of falsehood.

 

Suka was exhausted after the outpouring. Janaka listened to the

vituperation patiently, and replied calmly.

 

Janaka: Well spoken, revered young saint. You spoke much wisdom. Vyaasa,

your father was my aachaarya. Son of that great preceptor, you are of

keener intellect. Oh, you mentioned about the forest and living with the

animals. But, pray, are not the five elements in forest too? How can

you, then, be dispassionate? You would need food, won't you? You may

even need a stick for shooing animals and hide to protect against

weather. Nowhere can you totally get rid of anxiety. My own worry is

comparable to that. Doubt is worrying too, my son. See how far you have

traveled to clear a nagging doubt! Your obsession `not to marry'

worries you. How can you attain detachment? I am fully conscious of my

own anxiety in the realm of action. But I eat and sleep well, because I

am not bound by that anxiety; I am serene. You are sad because you

imagine things. Remove your doubts. Have a balance of mind that will

lead you to a state of bliss. This is not my body, nor is this my house.

Banish such thoughts. Absence of thinking that I am this body etc. is a

state of nirvikalpa (unwavering and immutable; recognizing no

distinction between object and subject and without distinct

consciousness of the knower, known and the very act of knowing, and

ultimately without even self-consciousness). Possessions do not bind me.

You may own just a grain of sand and feel the weight of a mountain, or

you may possess the whole world and feel it like a feather. As an

intelligent person you have the freedom to choose the right attitude.

Enjoy that freedom and use it well, my child! You have my blessings.

 

Suka was ashamed of his harsh words, and felt humble in the presence of

Janaka, a peerless sage who taught true renunciation.

 

He returned to his father who knew that he would - wiser, mellowed and

mature. He married Pivari who bore four children, Krishna, Gauraprabhaa,

Bhuridevasrutha and Keerthi.

 

We thus conclude an interesting episode. The wisdom that Janaka shared

with Suka should clear our doubts too. There is an appropriate time for

any action. We have to follow the traditional wisdom, because there is

no question or doubt that has not been asked and not clarified in our

scriptures. Celibacy, even in thought, is somewhat an unnatural quality.

Renunciation comes more easily after going through the natural process.

However, marriage is not a casual arrangement. All of us know that

`love' between two young persons is often infatuation or a play

of urge. A stable marriage calls for much giving, and the traditional

system of arranged marriages is valid even these days when women are

economically independent. Often, an `angel' during courtship

turns out to be a `devil' soon after marriage, because assessing

compatibility is a complex job. The probability of a stable and happy

married life is much higher in an arranged wedding, if all the rules are

followed. Moreover, the demands of gruhasthasrama are not restricted

just to the man, his wife and children, but also to their extended

family. The so called freedom of choice when young people attempt to

seek a partner is more a myth than reality, as indicated by hard

statistics! There is no shame in following the traditions of proven

merit and there need not be a defiant pride in breaking them.