PARENTING TIPS

[Guest guest]

Parenting is truly an art. Most parents start with the best of

intentions. You adore your children and want to do everything you can

to assure they grow up to be healthy, successful and independent, if

you only knew how. Nobody can blame you for not knowing. There are no

training manuals, only memories of your own childhood to go by, and

that’s hardly adequate. This Bulletin focuses on understanding your

child and some parenting tips.

 

Understanding children The child's world is a very special

place†" mysterious and exciting, confusing yet complete. From time to

time, observe the outside world through a child's eyes.

 

o Children change constantly You think you know them and what they

like - then they change.

o The child wants to feel big, proud, and important: She wants success

because she experiences failure so often. There are no single, correct

answers in the world of a child.

o The child is a beginner-an amateur: He makes mistakes, forgets

instructions and is noisy. It’s easy to believe that if children can

talk they also can understand. But, mental growth takes a long time.

o The child’s temper tantrums are not directed at you. Tantrums are

about perceived lack of control over surroundings & an attempt to get

his way with the least amount of discomfort to him. Children throw

tantrums to gain attention.

 

[Children prefer negative attention (e.g. a parent scolding them) to

no attention at all].

 

Some Parenting Tips

· Give your child some control over his life: Kids want a little

independence from you. From the time they wake up, let kids make their

own choices for small decisions such as whether they want toast or

cereal for breakfast, or allowing them to choose which shoes to wear.

This helps to learn decision making. For example, Use the " When __,

then___ " approach. (When your toys are in the basket, then we can read

the story you have picked out).

 

· Spend time together: Kids want time and undivided attention with

their parents. Spend some time together. Show interest in whatever

comes up in conversation (child's hopes, fears, dreams and hurts).

Reveal information about yourself. Share the time of your childhood

when you made a mistake, how it made you feel and what you did to

solve the problem? Your child might realize that " mom/dad really was a

kid once. " Bring the fun back in parenting by reading a joke book

together, playing a silly game together.

 

· Focus on “Do†instead of “Don’tâ€: Without realizing, parents easily

fall into the habit of saying negative words (no, stop it, shut up and

don't). Soon the repeated language becomes nothing more than

background noise and children tune-out what parents are saying. To the

extent possible, tell the child what to do, rather than what not to

do. Exchange “Don't talk with your mouth full! " with " Finish chewing

your food, then you can tell me. " At the same time abstain from

saying 'Yes' to everything your child asks. Sometimes what is needed

most is - a strong 'No.'

 

· Give Warning Time: Give children a 5- 10 minute warning time to

allow him to finish what he is doing before you expect him to do

something else. For example, if your child is playing, you may say,

" You’ve 5 minutes to complete your game and then its study time "

 

· Problem-solve together: Make time to brainstorm together. Go for

win-win solutions. Share your feelings and desires concerning the

issue with each other. Let your child contribute as many ideas as

possible. Children who have opportunities to problem-solve become

adept at generating solutions.

 

· Time out: A highly distraught child can benefit from a short

cooling-off period. " I can see you are very angry! When you feel

calmer we can find a way to solve this problem. " Going to the same

place (e.g., their room) each time makes the cooling-off period

predictable for children.

 

· Praise your children's good behavior: Praise children when they are

behaving appropriately to convey that appropriate behavior is noticed

as much as inappropriate behavior. Catch them being good!

 

· Discipline: Children need boundaries and structure to know what to

expect and have a reasonable routine. They crave them, even if they

won't admit it. Be consistent and predictable with your children.

Define rules clearly in simple terms. (‘Every night, right after

dinner, you are to put your plate in the sink’ makes more sense than

‘Clean everything after dinner’). If you change the rules, inform your

child in advance so that he knows what to expect.

 

· Provide opportunity: Children need opportunities to explore

different things. Let your child try things that they find interesting

and enjoy the process of getting better rather than just the final

outcome. The trip to the grocery store offers wonderful learning

opportunities, from reading labels to using money to budgeting.

 

· Avoid overprotecting your children: As good parents we rush to make

life easy for kids and protect them from the struggles of life.

However, struggles are a part of life! And sometimes wonderful

teaching opportunities.

 

When parents are too serious & place too much importance on being

‘right’, they are destined to face a mounting pressure between

themselves & their children.

 

Children are tender, unique and precious; they are not here to make

you happy, meet your expectations, help you experience what you missed

out in life, or to fulfill your needs.