Fw: THANK YOU ..........

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends,

 

A good spoof. Enjoy and forward!

 

Swamy

 

 

--- On Mon, 1/5/09, Kathy <vanokat wrote:

 

Kathy <vanokat

THANK YOU ..........

 

Monday, January 5, 2009, 9:45 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

Subject:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I

just want to thank all my friends and loved ones for the educational

emails over the past year...Because

of your warning I live in a zip-lock plastic bag with clean oxygen piped in

after passing through 18 filters which are replaced each

hour.

 

 

s to

you, I no longer open a p bathroom ublicdoor thout using a paper

towel.

 

 

 

I

can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person

was doing while flipping through the channels.

 

 

 

I

can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has

happened on it since it was last washed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I

can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels

have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including

feces.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have

trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one

pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eating

a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many

gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I

can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a

public bathroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I must

send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on

envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs

sealing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also,

now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

reason.

 

 

 

 

 

I no

longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000

that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in

their special e-mail program .

 

 

 

 

 

I no

longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and

St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

 

 

I no

longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on

a hot day.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks

to you, I have learned that my p rayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail

to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because

of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet

stains.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I no

longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a

serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping

gas.

 

 

I no

longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes

cancer.

 

 

I no

longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a

needle infected with AIDS.

 

 

 

 

 

I no

longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample

and rob me.

 

 

 

I no

longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al

Qaeda in disguise.

 

 

I no

longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their

recipe.

 

Thanks

to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider

is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my

ass.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And

thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking

lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car

to grab my leg.

 

 

 

If

you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a

large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and

the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy

hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next

door neighbor's ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's

beautician.. .

 

 

Have

a wonderful day...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pray to God, do the right thing, and let Him worry about and take care

of the details!   

      

 

Be AWARE, the terrorists are the government so there will be no surveillance

of that group...

 

I do not want to be a Global Citizen,

I want to be a FREE AMERICAN.

 

 

            http://www.so- fab.com