Reason for lack of peace and harmony in the family

[Guest guest]

Question: What is the root cause of quarrels, fights, lack of peace and lack of

harmony in the family?

 

Swamiji: Every being wishes that things happen according to his wishes. Each one

is seeking favorable circumstances for himself. Each one wants to fulfill his

own desires. He wants to lead a relaxing, comfortable and luxurious life. And

he longs for his own glory. All in all, he is seeking his own self interest and

selfishness. Such individuals due to their selfishness, are the cause of most

quarrels, fights, disquietude in the family. Even dogs play well together, until

the time food is served, at which time they begin to fight for food. The cause

of these fights in not the food, but the selfish nature.

 

In a household, those who only desire their own happiness and comfort are not

true family members, rather they are individuals. A member of a family is he who

wishes and works towards the welfare of all the members, young, old, and all.

Those who desire peace in the family and do not wish any quarrels, they must see

to the performance of their alloted duties, and at the same time protecting the

rights of others. They must do his assigned duties in life and engage in welfare

of others. They must honor and respect all members and provide happiness and

comfort to them all.

 

Questions: How to maintain love, happiness and peace in the family?

 

Swamiji: When a man forgets his main purpose and aim in life, then all

obstacles and calamities take place in the family. If his goal is firm and alive

that under all conditions he will attain spiritual upliftment, then he does not

concern himself of happiness or adversity. Also he find no difficulty in

renouncing his selfishness and pride. When one renounces selfishness and pride,

then there is no obsticles or disharmony in the relationship. The main

impediments in any relationship is when a person wants things to happen his way.

He wants his words to hold weight, his desires to be fulfilled or all are for

his own self interest.

 

On the other hand, when one thinks about how to do good for other members, how

to lead them to benediction, how to honor and provide comfort for them, and he

lives by imbibing these thoughts, then all members of the family become happy.

Even if sometimes a member becomes displeased, his displeasure will not persist,

becauses after giving some thought he will realize that whatever has been done

is only for their own welfare. As a boy having an inclination to sports and

games dislikes studies, but overall understands that studying will do him good,

similarly even if the person may not initially understand, but he will certainly

understand this in due course. Even if later he does not understand, there is an

inner satisfaction that the intention and conduct was good and that he thought

of his welfare. Moreover we will have an inner strength that the point we

expressed is true and solid.

 

If members live lovingly with one another, the atmosphere will be full of peace

and happiness and love evolves automatically by renunciation of selfishness and

pride.

 

From " How to lead a Householder Life " in English by Swami Ramsukhdasji