The Power of Words

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The Power of Words

 

 

 

The smart know what to say, the wise know whether to say it.

 

Words are powerful. The words we use can heal or hurt. They can arouse

enthusiasm, evoke joy, and unleash passion. But they can also provoke anger,

inflict sorrow, and crush with despair. When speaking to others, we can use our

words as daggers to kill their spirits or we can use them as music to lift their

spirits. The choice is ours, but . . .

 

The problem is most of us are so wrapped up in building our career, raising a

family, and paying our bills that little or no thought is given to the power of

words. Sadly, unawareness of this great power results in grave consequences.

Marriages fall apart, friendships dissolve, and happiness eludes some of us.

 

Can you see how important it is to be mindful of our words? The Roman emperor

Claudius (10 BCE ~ 54 CE) did. For he said, Say not always what you know, but

always know what you say. Yes, we need not say everything we know, believe, or

feel because our words can hurt others. Rather than blurting out the first idea

that comes to mind, we should pause and weigh our words carefully before

speaking.

 

Buddha also understood the power of words. In fact, he considered it so

important that he made it the third step of his Eightfold Path. (The Eightfold

Path is his formula for ending suffering.) He cajoled his followers to practice

RIGHT SPEECH (step three of the Eightfold Path). The Right of Right Speech means

that which leads to freedom from suffering. So, " Right Speech " is speech that

does not harm or hurt others; it is both gentle and kind.

 

Buddha taught that the practice of Right Speech consisted of avoiding four types

of speech. The first type to avoid is HARSH (unkind, mean, nasty, cruel,

irritating). Engaging in unkind speech causes others to suffer. And when we

cause others to suffer, there are negative consequences that will lead to our

own suffering. For example, if I speak unkindly to everyone I meet, not only

will they suffer, but my actions will cause me to become alienated, which will

lead to my suffering. As a participant in the web of life, we have a duty to

speak kindly. Kindly does not mean ingratiatingly, hoping to get rewards of any

kind. Rather, kindly means with compassion, supporting others in their desire to

grow.

 

The second type of speech to avoid is DIVISIVE (partisan, polarizing). Political

parties (such as the Republicans and Democrats) fight for power in complete

disregard for the rights of those they are sworn to protect. They maintain power

by pitting one group against another. Religious extremists, in particular, are

masters of this type of speech. In their lust for control, they separate and

divide humankind. They oppress, torture, and kill with impunity those who

disagree with them. It is this kind of speech that is responsible for the

greatest amount of suffering.

 

The third sort of speech to avoid is FALSE (untruthful, deceitful, deceptive).

Some modern businesses shamelessly reap huge profits by manufacturing lies. They

rip off consumers without compunction. Ordinary people, at times, destroy

reputations with gossip, fibs, and innuendos. Importantly, as we stop lying to

others, we grow more truthful to ourselves. It's good to remember that it is

impossible to help the world without helping ourselves. Likewise, it is

impossible to harm others without harming ourselves.

 

The fourth class of speech to avoid is TRIVIAL (worthless, useless, idle). Idle

chatter may seem harmless enough, but while engaging in it, opportunities to do

good with Right Speech are squandered. Rather than idle banter, we could engage

in kind and gentle speech, encouraging and uplifting our friends. We could also

improve the world by using words that unite and foster cooperation. Our family

life and work environment will also improve if we are honest, truthful, candid,

and straightforward in all our dealings. Finally, our companions will appreciate

conversations that are useful, helpful, valuable, practical, beneficial, and

worthwhile.

 

Part of the practice of Right Speech is knowing when NOT to speak. Buddha

expressed it this way:

 

If it is not truthful and not helpful, don't say it.

 

If it is truthful and not helpful, don't say it.

 

If it is not truthful and helpful, don't say it.

 

If it is truthful and helpful. . . WAIT for the right time.

 

Bernard Meltzer, Distinguished Professor Emeritus of Law (University of

Chicago), is right at home with these Buddhist concepts, for he said, Before you

speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary,

is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left

unsaid.

 

Also note that we can practice right or wrong speech without uttering one word.

After all, only roughly 7% of communication is expressed by words. Approximately

34% is expressed by the tone of our voice, and close to 55% by our body

language.

 

Take a look at this example. Dad is exhausted after a tough day at the office.

He comes home, plops into his favorite easy chair and starts to read the paper.

Suddenly, five-year-old Tommy comes in, pulls on his Dad's shirt sleeve and

says, Daddy, look at the picture of a dragonfly I painted at school today.

Without removing his eyes from the newspaper, Dad reaches out with his arm,

gropes around, pats his son on the head and says, Very nice job, Tommy. I'm

proud of you.

 

Dad's tone of voice was good and his choice of words was excellent, but the

message Tommy received gets a failing grade. You see, Tommy could see by Dad's

body language that at this time, the newspaper was MORE IMPORTANT than him. The

unspoken part of the message was the most significant, and regrettably, it was

devastating to Tommy. So, despite Dad's good tone of voice and excellent choice

of words, he did NOT practice Right Speech.

 

Here's something else Dad could have done. When interrupted by Tommy, Dad could

have put the paper down, stood up, bent down, scooped up Tommy, lifted him up in

the air, hugged and kissed him, and put him down again without saying a word. No

words, yet, Dad would be practicing Right Speech, for Tommy would get the

message loud and clear: Daddy loves you!

 

Besides Buddhists, Taoists also refer to and follow the practice of Right

Speech. They believe we must be aware of our words and use them to promote

harmony, while cultivating the wisdom to know when to speak and when to remain

silent.

 

We don't have to be Buddhists or Taoists to benefit from their ancient wisdom.

If we decide to reflect on what we say, before, during, and after speaking, we

can make our words become treasured gifts to others.

4:13 PM 7/4/2009