Three Skills to Improve Conversation

[Guest guest]

Three Skills to Improve Conversation By: Brian Tracy

 

One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A

short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a

conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.

 

The Benefits of Pausing

First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just

catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the other person

that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in

with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The third benefit of pausing

is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will

soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is

saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant

conversationalist.

 

Ask Questions

Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for

clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or

trying to say. Instead, ask, " How do you mean, exactly? "

 

This is the most powerful question I've ever learned for controlling a

conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, " How do you

mean? " the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more

extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the

conversation rolling along.

 

Paraphrase the Speaker's Words

The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker's

words in your own words. After you've nodded and smiled, you can then say, " Let

me see if I've got this right. What you're saying is . . . "

 

Demonstrate Attentiveness

By paraphrasing the speaker's words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that

you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or

her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice

effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will

want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.

 

Listening Builds Trust

The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill

of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to

another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.

 

Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another

person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.

 

Listening Develops Discipline

Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can

process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150

words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on

another person?s words. If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation,

your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at

paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more

self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well,

you actually develop your own character and your own personality.

 

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

 

First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or

discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.

 

Second, continually ask, " How do you mean? " in response to anything that is not

perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.