25 reasons I owe my MOTHER

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25 reasons I owe my MOTHER

 

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

" If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning! "

2.My mother taught me RELIGION.

" You better pray that will come out of the carpet. "

3.My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

" If you don't straighten up,

I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week! "

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why. "

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

" If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,

you're not going to the store with me. "

6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

" Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. "

7.My mother taught me IRONY

" Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about. "

8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .

" Shut your mouth and eat your supper. "

9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

" Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! "

10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.

" You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone. "

11.My mother taught me about WEATHER .

" This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. "

12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

" If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate! "

13.My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. "

14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

" Stop acting like your father! "

15.My mother taught me about ENVY.

" There are millions of less fortunate children in this world

who don't have wonderful parents like you do. "

16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .

" Just wait until we get home. "

17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING .

" You are going to get it when you get home! "

18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

" If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way. "

19.My mother taught me ESP.

" Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold? "

20.My mother taught me HUMOR .

" When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "

21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

" If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. "

22.My mother taught me GENETICS.

" You're just like your father. "

23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS .

" Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? "

24.My mother taught me WISDOM.

" When you get to be my age, you'll understand. "

25. And my favorite:My mother taught me about JUSTICE

" One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you