About being old

[Guest guest]

About being old

 

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken

aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was

immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question,

and I would ponder it, and let her know.

 

Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my

life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime

despair over my body-- but I don't agonize over it for long.

 

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family

for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to

myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide

myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying

that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my

patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too

many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great

freedom that comes with aging.

 

Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 am, and sleep until noon? I

will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's & 60ies, and if I at

the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I know I am sometimes

forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten - and I

eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been

broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child

suffers? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and

compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the

joy of being imperfect.

 

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to

have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many

have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

I can say " no " , and mean it. I can say " yes " , and mean it. As you get older, it

is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't

question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

 

So, to answer the question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like

the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still

here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about

what will be. For the first time in my life, I don't have to have a reason to do

the things I want to do. If I want to play games on the computer all day, lay

on the couch and watch old movies for hours or don't want to go to the beach or

a movie, I have earned that right. I have put in my time doing everything for

others, so now I can be a bit selfish without feeling guilty.

 

I sometimes feel sorry for the young. They face a far different world than I

knew growing up, where we feared the law, respected the old, the flag, our

country. I never felt the need to use filthy language in order to express

myself. And they too will grow old someday.

 

I am grateful to have been born when I was, into a kinder, gentler world.