Dealing With teens

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Dealing With teens

 

Adolescence, the period between childhood and adulthood, is often a difficult

time, both for parents and their children.

 

This is when young people establish an identity of their own, separate

themselves from their parents, and create significant relationships outside

their own families.

 

Many parents experience 'mourning' for this loss of their child as they adjust

to the moody, obstinate person who has taken his or her place. Teenagers may

also be mourning the loss of their own childhood and family relationships of

earlier years.

 

It is important to keep the situation in perspective. Adolescence is an

essential rite of passage which every adult has been through. Think back to your

own teenage years: How did you rebel? What were your clothes like? Did your

parents complain about the music you listened to? In short, were your

experiences, attitudes and relationships really that much different from what's

taking place with your own adolescent?

 

Parents' major task is to let teenagers grow up and become independent, learning

to make the decisions that affect their own lives.

 

Limits need to be set, but within those boundaries there must be room for

adolescents to spread their wings and get a sense of who they are and who they

want to become. They will reject some excellent advice along the way - but

that's part of growing up. Fortunately, many of the values parents instilled

prior to adolescence will survive.

 

Below are some basic rules for parents that can help minimize the inevitable

stresses that occur as teenagers assert themselves.

 

Parents of A.D.D. Teens

 

Always listen, even when you're on different sides of the fence.

 

Don't confuse the thing that bothers you with the person who has done it.

 

At times you'll feel annoyed and angry by your teenager's behavior. Every parent

does. It doesn't mean you've stopped loving your youngster. It probably means

exactly the opposite - that you care. Keep your anger focused on their actions,

not on them as human beings.

 

Avoid constant criticism, no matter how much your teenagers' behavior or

appearance annoys you.

 

Ignore insignificant incidents. With bigger issues, let them know that although

you disagree, you respect their right to hold a different opinion.

 

Look for opportunities to pay honest compliments.

 

Take an interest in what your teenager is doing.

 

When disagreements arise, try to find a compromise both sides can accept. At

worst, you should agree to disagree.

 

Don't preach and don't nag. Be careful about saying things like, 'When I was

your age . . '. You probably had more in common with your teenager than you'd

care to admit.

 

Expect to become the target of blame - the one responsible for all their

difficulties, not letting them grow up and have fun.

 

Don't take most of this criticism to heart. And don't give up on your teenager.

Teenagers are watching, listening and learning more than you may think.

 

Extreme mood swings are quite normal at this age. Partly due to hormonal changes

but also in response to the anxieties so common during this time of life.

 

By late adolescence most teenagers feel much more comfortable spending time with

their parents. If you've treated them fairly and consistently, and given them

room to grow, they will leave adolescence and enter adulthood with family ties

intact.

 

Remember that your teen won't remember their infancy or early childhood years

but they will remember their teenage years. Do your best to cultivate warm

memories that the both of you can appreciate down the road. And, to make the

remembering a little easier, don't forget to take pictures!