Humor: Jewish Mother's Zen

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Jewish Mother's ZenTake only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl.Unless, of course, you have the closet space.Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as thewooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posturelike that.There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, younever wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do thefollowing: Get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo.Learn of the kugel from the kugel.Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind thatnot every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this andattaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Taodoes not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Taois not Jewish.Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second,satisfaction. With the third, Danish.The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to allsentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being whohappens to be Jewish?Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all thingsfaster.To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousandflowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has tenthousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?