Mesg from Dhananjay on forgiveness

August 26, 2003

Dear Dhananjay,

I liked your answer. It was very thoughtful and loving. I often feel

bad for people that hurt me for that very reason. Sometimes, I feel

that I just expect more of some people, and so I have a very hard

time in that case.

You also said if one is good to others, then others would be good to

them, and I basically agree with that. When I find I am good to

others, and I am dumped on by someone, I begin to think that it was

something I did in a past life, that I was once like that very

person who hurt me. And I ask myself why I drew such a person into

my life, what lesson do I have to learn? Most of the time when I

have been hurt by others, it has been due to their own psychological

problems, and that is plain to me, and so I feel bad for them and

allow them to continue in my life with the grand idea that I can

help them. What an ego trip. But I am doing my best now to stop

doing so.

I can understand the idea of " saluting from afar " as being applied

to a dangerous person, but I noticed that Sri Ramakrishna also used

it in the case of the man who just had problems with someone, and

this person would not work them out with him.

August 27, 2003

Dear Amba, Dhananjay and others,

Having read some of these letters from Amaba and Dhananjay, there is something

that I would like to add for the benefit of all who are reading these letters.

Lets not forget the story of the hermit snake that is also one of the parable of

Sri Ramakrishna. The story in short goes like this: A snake living under a big

Banayan tree once asked a sage how it could improve its life. The sage advised

that the snake should try not to attack others. The snake took the advice quite

seriously and would not attack or hiss at anybody. Taking this advantage, some

mischevious children would quite often beat up the snake as it did not retaliate

at all. Due to this the snake had become very weak and almost dying. Next time

when the sage came to visit the snake he was horrified at what he saw and asked

the reason for his condition. The snake replied humbly that due to the advice of

the sage, it did not retaliate when it was attacked. Hearing this the sage said

that he had asked the snake not to attack, but he had not forbidden the snake to

'hiss' when required to protect itself.

The morale of the story is that, when we encounter such people who time and time

again take advantage of us being forgiving and purposely hurt us, we should

stand up to them and stop them. If you keep forgiving them for all their wrong

actions again and again, they start assuming that it is ok to hurt you and

perceive you to be weak. So it is important that you stand up to such wrong

actions ('hiss') and make the other person realize that you are not weak and

would not forgive their wrong actions again and again. It is also important that

you should be physically, mentally and emotionally be strong and prepaired to

confront them if required. Only if you stand up so strongly, will the other

person take notice of you and stop perceiving you to be a weak. Your forgiving

nature should not at any cost be perceived by others as a weak nature. Ability

to forgive others is a gift of God and not all human beings are able to forgive

easily. But it is also important that others do not take advantage of your

forgiving nature.

Therefore, we don't need to attack, but there is no harm in 'hissing' if

required.

Thankyou,

Mandira

amba2200 [jessakaslade]

Monday, August 25, 2003 10:16 PM

Ramakrishna

[sri Ramakrishna] Re: Mesg from Dhananjay on forgiveness