Death

[Guest guest]

Dear Edith,

 

Yes, death has different connotations for different people just as religion and

spirituality does. Death is inevitable, we all know that. But why are we, or

what in us, is so afraid of dying? I remember the sayings of The Mother of

Pondicherry who talks of the vital being. This body is composed of our desires,

aversions, passions, material yearnings etc. This body separates the soul from

the universal force and creates the individual ego. This individual ego is

afraid of dying. It retains its identity after death, often not knowing that it

is dead. It is this vital body and individual ego that suffers during and after

death.

 

Many years ago when I was bedridden and doctors could not make anything of my

illness I had certain peculiar experiences. Often I used to have notions that it

was early evening and birds were flying back to their nests. There would

sometimes be a deathly cold feeling which would creep up from my legs and travel

upwards. I was also very very afraid of dying. There used to be a lot of

repentance that I had not lived a life worthy of attaining God, this in spite of

having spiritual yearnings and awareness since early childhood. All the events

of my life used to flash before me and even minor shortcomings would release

pangs of remorse. I used to be afraid of having to move towards another life on

earth and again go through the inconviniences of early childhood. What sort of

an environment I would get then, I used to wonder. I would intensely pray to God

to give me another chance so that I could devote it extensively to Him and get a

release from the cycle of births and deaths.

 

Years later I read a book " The Tibetan Boook on Living and Dying " By Simgyal

Rinpoche (I hope I have got the name right) and found many of the death

experiences similiar to the ones I experienced. It made me want to yell and say

" Hey man, this guy is right! " .

 

Today many years have passed since then but I still feel dissatisfied with my

spiritual progress. Maya compels me to stay at home and suffer the inevitable

suffering of family bickerings. I was invited to join the monastery many a times

but maya made me feel I was indispensible for my family and I repent now. The

intelligent person within me feels that I would have to go through some more

nasty experiences before vairagya becomes natural to me.

 

To those wishing to take to a monastic life I would ask them to go ahead. Thakur

was right when he said that family oriented persons were of a different kind.

There is no point in trying to help them. They are like the camel who tongue

bleeds when it eats thorns but it continues chewing. What pleasure they get out

of it God alone knows. No amount of advice would help them see the right way.

This world is one lousy place for those who wish to lead a spiritual life.

 

I am sorry for having ended on a pessimistic note.

 

Regards,

Jagannath.

 

 

 

 

 

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