New York Observer, 3/25/02: New Yorkers like it raw!

[Guest guest]

Cooking Is So Totally Over!

New Yorkers Like It Raw

 

by Simon Doonan

 

The neo-hippie movement, jump-started back in the 80's by the

announcement of the Harmonic Convergence–the beginning of the end of

the world as we know it (I'm so sure!)–shows no signs of going away.

In fact, it's positively mushrooming, and every year new AbFabery is

added to the mix. Last year, it was the infernal Bikram sweaty-yoga

craze; this year, New Yorkers are still cooking their bodies–but

they've stopped cooking their food altogether.

 

Yes, the raw food trend is, even as I write, sweeping the modishly

spiritual bowels of Manhattan.

 

Designer John Bartlett is a proponent. (How come the

most " spiritual " people in New York are always those with the most

superficial occupations? Isn't it always the makeup artists,

stylists and fashion designers who are training to become shamans or

ohm-ing and naval-gazing at ashrams?) I recently spoke to the genial

Mr. Bartlett by phone at the Tree of Life Rejuvenation Center and

Health Practice in Patagonia, Ariz., where he'd gone to do battle

with his toxic mucus buildup. " It accumulates in our intestines and

colon, and then diseases get trapped, " explained Mr. Bartlett from

the Center's communal phone. " So I came here to eat raw and cleanse

myself completely. " (Memo to me: In the event of intestinal

problems, be sure to consult a doctor rather than a fashion

designer.)

 

Mr. Bartlett started on the raw-food diet last January, after

reading Dr. Richard Anderson's account of his berry-munching

wilderness experience, Cleanse and Purify Thyself. The raw food rage

has two rules: eat a vegan (nothing from an animal) diet, and never

cook. Cooking is evil because it destroys the food's enzymes.

Doesn't this talented Midwesterner miss those hearty tuna

melts? " No! The food here is so delicious, " said Mr. Bartlett. " Last

night, we had cucumber lasagna–nothing was cooked. For breakfast,

nut porridge with chopped apples. "

 

Mr. Bartlett denies any candy-bar lapses. He has, however–in a total

Eddie and Patsy gesture–dived behind a rock for a few quick puffs on

an American Spirit, the preferred cigarette of the woo-woo set.

 

American Spiritualists are often to be seen lighting up–and hacking

up mucus–outside Quintessence. With two restaurants–one downtown

(263 East 10th Street) and one uptown (566 Amsterdam Avenue)–and a

catering service in Manhattan, the Quintessence mini-empire is the

epicenter of the Manhattan raw lifestyle. I headed to the 10th

Street branch and interviewed one of the regulars to find out what–

other than a fear of disease-laden mucus–was behind this bizarre

trend.

 

" It's such a big movement–literally! " chuckled Calvin Klein and

Ungaro fashion consultant Robert Forrest, while masticating a

Quintessence sun bur-ger. " It's made from sunflowers and flax seeds

and other stuff, " raved the healthy-looking 50-ish fashion

executive. " I never travel without them. "

 

All the talk about mucus having given me quite an appetite, I

pondered the menu, which consists mostly of ingenious quote-swaddled

facsimiles of regular cooked meals (e.g., " pasta " and " shrimp

wonton " ). I ordered the " burrito " and found it light and quite

bearable, if a little heavy on the avocado. For dessert, Mr. Forrest

and I tucked into a mudslide, a strange triple-decker fantasia

consisting of pecan, carob, dates, mesquite powder, coconut and–

natch–avocado.

 

I fired probing questions at the now-replete Mr. Forrest about the

specific benefits of the diet. He mumbled something

about " cleansing, " ordered a couple of sun burgers to go for his

upcoming trip to the Calvin store in Dubai and left.

 

What's it all about, alfalfa? I was still none the wiser.

 

I scrutinized the menu for clues and found the following screed: " We

believe that by eating uncooked food long enough, we will regain the

fifth element and the mystical powers of our ancestors. " Eh? I

resolved to cut through the mucus once and for all and get the real

story. I called the Quintessence H.Q.

 

I tracked down one of the three owners, a Chinese lady who goes by

the Lord of the Rings—ish name of Tolentin Chan, and found her less

than keen to talk about that " fifth element " or her ancestral

mystical powers. She was, however, a lot clearer about the overall

benefits of raw food than some of her Seventh Avenue clients. " I ate

a standard American diet, and my health was terrible, " said

Tolentin, who in her pre-raw days suffered from asthma, thyroid

problems and continuous colds. " Starch and dairy had coated my lungs

with mucus. " (As a non-dairy queen who rarely catches colds, I

support Tolentin's anti-dairy edict.)

 

Now, thanks to raw food, Tolentin enjoys an asthma-free life. Her

health issues now are stress-related: running two restaurants

without the profit margins from liquor sales is working her nerves.

Why no booze? " Alcohol creates yeast, so we can't sell it. We are

not making a lot of money, but it's O.K. My motive is to share my

knowledge about enzymes. "

 

Enzymes? " A high-enzyme diet will rejuvenate the body, energize you

and make you feel like a newborn. " Tolentin said that aging is

synonymous with a reduction in metabolic and digestive enzymes, and

that raw food replaces these enzymes.

 

Suddenly I realized why the fashion flock, whose Da Silvano—ish

diets are already relatively healthy, are embracing the raw

lifestyle. Mucus, schmucus! The raw craze is nothing more than a

smoke screen for the distinctly non-spiritual quest for eternal

youth.

 

Now I remembered something John Bartlett said before hanging up that

communal phone: " The guy who runs this place is 60 and looks 35! " No

wonder Alicia Silverstone and the Playboy Barbi Twins have gone raw!

 

What the hell: As an anti-aging regimen, it sure beats tucks and

lipo–and Arizona is a lot closer than Brazil. Save your money!

Cancel that face lift! For a mere $139 per night, take a few years

off at the Tree of Life Rejuvenation Center and Health Practice (520-

394-2520).

 

P.S.: Warning! There are no bananas, peanuts, carrots or beets in

the raw lifestyle. " It's like eating white sugar, " explained

Tolentin, " because even the organic ones have been hybridized. "

 

Inbred bananas! How louche!

 

This column ran on page 31 in the 3/25/02 edition of The New York

Observer.