Recluse

[Guest guest]

Hi, folks,

 

I'm new to the list (posted once) and have been following recent discussions

with interest. I get the impression there are a lot of very kind and caring

and knowledgeable people in this group, so I am heartened to ask for help.

 

Could anyone suggest how I might get myself out of the house more often? I

have become very much a recluse.

 

Those bald statements are not very helpful, so a little background. I'm

female (aged 57), English, lived in Sydney, Australia, since 1974 except for

1990-92 when I tried to return to my home country and failed dismally. I

live alone with my cat, and I work at home as a freelance book editor.

 

I've been on antidepressant medication for many years and can't survive

without it. I'm basically a cheerful person and work hard at keeping up my

spirits. Very few people know I suffer from depression. But I am becoming

more and more isolated. I have a pleasant place to live, surrounded by trees

and flowering bushes, water just down the road, beach 5 mins drive. My car

still works, amazingly. But I cannot get myself to go out until it is

absolutely necessary, ie. we need food or I have to bank some cheques.

 

I have osteoarthritis and cannot walk far. I should walk every day but I

scarcely ever go anywhere. I don't have agoraphobia - I love open spaces -

but I seem to have this dreadful fear of going out. I don't know what the

fear is about. I can only think that I am afraid of not being in control -

of not being able to walk where I need to, drive the car safely (my

depression is the agitated sort, which often makes me feel I'm unsafe on the

road), or something of the sort. I have this dreadful struggle every time I

have to go to the supermarket or the bank or the doctor's, yet I always

manage somehow once I get out.

 

I'm so tired of fighting this all the time. I know how powerful the mind can

be and I use every trick in my repertoire to make myself feel better about

going out, but I only just survive.

 

Ang suggestions would be much appreciated.

 

Love,

Jo, in Sydney

[Guest guest]

Jo:

 

Agoraphobia can be more than a simple reluctance to leave your safe

space; occasionally it is chemically induced. It does not appear that

you are complaining of panic attacks when you go out, but you do seem

to have some vague anxieties that you can't put a finger on related

to your agitated depression. A bit of meditation or self hypnosis

might not be amiss to support your venturing out.

 

If driving yourself about is the issue, do you have availability of

public transportation, or a friend who might like to do some minor

social things with you, like go to the library or have tea? I spent

nearly a year in our apartment without a car of my own, seven miles

from the nearest grocery. It can make you batty, being in the house

staring at this electronic monstrosity, can't it <LOL>?

 

Especially with arthritis, you need to keep your joints lubricated by

moving and getting fresh air and sunlight. If you are very limited by

your arthritis you might consider contacting a local social service

that assists people that are differently abled and the elderly to get

out of their homes and socialize, for some ideas. You are very young

to be stuck in the house, and it's good to see that you're reaching

out for some assistance.

 

I imagine there will be others who have helpful ideas as well.

 

Blessings,

Crow

" Look for Rainbows in the Darkness "

 

, " Jo Rudd " <jorudd@o...> wrote:

> Hi, folks,

>

> I'm new to the list (posted once) and have been following recent

discussions

> with interest. I get the impression there are a lot of very kind

and caring

> and knowledgeable people in this group, so I am heartened to ask

for

help.

>

> Could anyone suggest how I might get myself out of the house more

often? I

> have become very much a recluse.

>

> Those bald statements are not very helpful, so a little background.

I'm

> female (aged 57), English, lived in Sydney, Australia, since 1974

except for

> 1990-92 when I tried to return to my home country and failed

dismally. I

> live alone with my cat, and I work at home as a freelance book

editor.

>

> I've been on antidepressant medication for many years and can't

survive

> without it. I'm basically a cheerful person and work hard at

keeping

up my

> spirits. Very few people know I suffer from depression. But I am

becoming

> more and more isolated. I have a pleasant place to live, surrounded

by trees

> and flowering bushes, water just down the road, beach 5 mins drive.

My car

> still works, amazingly. But I cannot get myself to go out until it

is

> absolutely necessary, ie. we need food or I have to bank some

cheques.

>

> I have osteoarthritis and cannot walk far. I should walk every day

but I

> scarcely ever go anywhere. I don't have agoraphobia - I love open

spaces -

> but I seem to have this dreadful fear of going out. I don't know

what the

> fear is about. I can only think that I am afraid of not being in

control -

> of not being able to walk where I need to, drive the car safely (my

> depression is the agitated sort, which often makes me feel I'm

unsafe on the

> road), or something of the sort. I have this dreadful struggle

every time I

> have to go to the supermarket or the bank or the doctor's, yet I

always

> manage somehow once I get out.

>

> I'm so tired of fighting this all the time. I know how powerful the

mind can

> be and I use every trick in my repertoire to make myself feel

better

about

> going out, but I only just survive.

>

> Ang suggestions would be much appreciated.

>

> Love,

> Jo, in Sydney

[Guest guest]

Hi Jo

Perhaps you might give a little thought to some of these questions?

.... when did you first feel uneasy about going out?

.... what had happened at that time?

.... where do you go in your mind?

.... what kids of feelings do you get when you think about having to

go out?

 

You can stay in touch with the part of you that wishes to go out more

and the healing time will come.

 

love... Simon

[Guest guest]

At 09:37 PM 10/3/00 +1000, you wrote:

>Hi, folks,

>

>I'm new to the list (posted once) and have been following recent discussions

>with interest. I get the impression there are a lot of very kind and caring

>and knowledgeable people in this group, so I am heartened to ask for help.

 

 

I would look into Flower essences as a possible addition to your routine to

help you understand and overcome your fears.

 

Bright Blessings,

 

Angharad Truthsayer

aka Sandy Roberts

 

We within us carry all the knowledge necessary to create a beautiful

universe filled with love, laughter and joy. Begin today to find this

within you and share it with the world. You will find that it will be the

greatest journey you can ever imagine.

[Guest guest]

Dear Jo;

 

I have no doubt that you will receive excellent advice on your situation

from people much more qualified than I. However, I would like to give you a

different perspective on the subject, since I see a great deal of

similarities between the two of us--I, too, work as a freelance book

editor/occasional writer. I spent several years living alone in a small

apartment with only my dog as company. There was a lovely lake that I often

looked at from my window, and where I would go to walk Spike twice daily. I

was three blocks from the ocean, but rarely felt the urge to visit. For a

great deal of those three years, my only human contact would be with the

cashier at the market when I went shopping, the librarian when I went to

choose my weeks' recreational reading, and the occasional other dog walker

that I would pass while taking Spike for his walks.

 

Looking back at that time of my life, I realize that spending time alone

with myself was a very necessary part of my growing and healing process. I

had had some very rough times growing up, had been in and out of of abusive

relationships, relied on alcohol and drugs for comfort, and just generally

was " existing " rather than " living " . The time I spent alone helped me to

sort out who I *really* was, rather than who people thought I was, told me I

was, or wanted me to be. I learned to depend on myself, and much more

importantly, to believe in myself. I realized (after quite a while) that I

was a perfectly fine, functioning person. When I began to want more

contact--much like you are experiencing now--it was easier to find. As a

matter, my vibes must have changed to the point where I was less shy and it

was much easier to strike up a friendship or two.

 

Then, just when I was really satisfied with the way things were--lots of

time to myself, occasional socializing when I wanted--I got a call from an

old friend who had written a book and needed an editor. A mutual friend

told him that I might be able to help him, and we began working together,

every Saturday morning for about a year. When the book was complete, and

there was no reason to see each other anymore, we both realized that we

would miss these visits terribly (DUH!). Fast-forward a few years, and

we're married, still working together on projects, and still enjoying each

other's company a great deal. Spike likes him a lot, too.

 

This is my miracle story, Jo. I really think that it was necessary for me

to have an extended period of time alone in order to " nurse " myself back to

wholeness. When the time was right, I expanded my horizons and now have a

better life than I ever dreamed was possible. I pray that you, too, will

find your happiness soon--it sounds like your lessons are winding down, and

you're beginning to come out of your coocoon. Be sure to listen to the good

advice you get from the other listmembers. It's a blessing to have such

wise and helpful friends who wish you well!

 

....and enjoy every minute of this new adventure!

 

Florie

[Guest guest]

on 10/3/00 9:09 AM, Richard M. Gray, Ph.D. and Florence Tomasulo Gray at

florie wrote:

 

Dear Jo;

 

I have no doubt that you will receive excellent advice on your situation

from people much more qualified than I. However, I would like to give you a

different perspective on the subject, since I see a great deal of

similarities between the two of us--

 

Dear Florie,

 

Your story has touched me deeply. What a wonderful perspective you have

shared.

 

Thank you for reminding us of the importance and value of going within.

 

From my heart,

 

Barbara

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Many times in our lives we find ourselves being rather self-focused. This

isn't necessarily a bad thing at all unless it gets out of balance. I have

to agree so much with the concept of volunteering. And by the way it

doesn't have to take much time nor does it have to be a huge commitment. I

used to volunteer at a local hospital for only 4 hours (one morning) a week

when I could. I visited with the elderly patients there. My title was

" friendly visitor " . My job was just to visit and talk. (as if anyone could

shut me up LOL)

 

Many years ago (1978) I had a bout with panic attacks. That is how I

discovered self-hypnosis and I have been running with it ever since. I have

an article at my site. http://www.bebest.com/panic.htm Many of my clients

say they have seen it posted all over the net as I have left it open for

anyone to reprint. I do so not for the marketing (though I warn you there

are references in it to my tapes) but because I truly hope it helps people.

 

As a practitioner of oriental medicine I also feel that it is important to

address the body/mind imbalance. You can't separate the two. Look at your

eyes. Are there blue/black in the corners just below the eyes by the bridge

of the nose? That is a sign of adrenal exhaustion. When the adrenals are

pooped they cannot regulate and adrenaline surges at the wrong times

creating nervousness and panic. The adrenals can be strengthened using

acupressure or acupuncture. I have stories in my own clinical experience

that I am putting into another uncompleted book.

 

On a social level it is very important to not only find ways to force

yourself out of the house but also out of your own head. By becoming 'other

people " centered you can turn onto life. This doesn't mean worrying about

others - worry is a useless emotion - if you worry about something DO

something and let it go - you only have so much control. Caring and giving

productively by using your knowledge and skills turns you onto life and gets

you out of being stuck in yourself. It definitely changes your life

situation.

 

The posts on this have been marvelous to read. I hope they keep coming.

 

Patricia Gilmore, C.M.Ht.

http://www.BeBest.com

RECEIVE A FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO " BE YOUR VERY BEST "

Wellness and Success Tips, Life Enhancement

Techniques, Presentation Information and Empowerment.

Be The Best That You Can Be - Empower Yourself !!!

 

-

Jo Rudd <jorudd

BodyMind

Tuesday, October 03, 2000 7:37 AM

Recluse

 

 

> Hi, folks,

>

> I'm new to the list (posted once) and have been following recent

discussions

> with interest. I get the impression there are a lot of very kind and

caring

> and knowledgeable people in this group, so I am heartened to ask for help.

>

> Could anyone suggest how I might get myself out of the house more often?

I

> have become very much a recluse.

>

> Those bald statements are not very helpful, so a little background. I'm

> female (aged 57), English, lived in Sydney, Australia, since 1974 except

for

> 1990-92 when I tried to return to my home country and failed dismally. I

> live alone with my cat, and I work at home as a freelance book editor.

>

> I've been on antidepressant medication for many years and can't survive

> without it. I'm basically a cheerful person and work hard at keeping up my

> spirits. Very few people know I suffer from depression. But I am becoming

> more and more isolated. I have a pleasant place to live, surrounded by

trees

> and flowering bushes, water just down the road, beach 5 mins drive. My

car

> still works, amazingly. But I cannot get myself to go out until it is

> absolutely necessary, ie. we need food or I have to bank some cheques.

>

> I have osteoarthritis and cannot walk far. I should walk every day but I

> scarcely ever go anywhere. I don't have agoraphobia - I love open spaces -

> but I seem to have this dreadful fear of going out. I don't know what the

> fear is about. I can only think that I am afraid of not being in

control -

> of not being able to walk where I need to, drive the car safely (my

> depression is the agitated sort, which often makes me feel I'm unsafe on

the

> road), or something of the sort. I have this dreadful struggle every time

I

> have to go to the supermarket or the bank or the doctor's, yet I always

> manage somehow once I get out.

>

> I'm so tired of fighting this all the time. I know how powerful the mind

can

> be and I use every trick in my repertoire to make myself feel better about

> going out, but I only just survive.

>

> Ang suggestions would be much appreciated.

>

> Love,

> Jo, in Sydney

>

>

>

> ****************************************

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>

> All messages, files and archives of this forum are copyright of the

group and the individual authors.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Barbara.

 

Your message was a blessing, and I appreciate it.

 

Be well,

 

Florie

> Dear Florie,

>

> Your story has touched me deeply. What a wonderful perspective you have

> shared.

>

> Thank you for reminding us of the importance and value of going within.

>

> From my heart,

>

> Barbara

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

At 21:37 3/10/0, JO wrote:>Hi, folks,

 

>

>I'm so tired of fighting this all the time. I know how powerful the mind can

>be and I use every trick in my repertoire to make myself feel better about

>going out, but I only just survive.

 

Hi Jo

 

I live just north of Sydney, near Newcastle . Lived for years with

fibromyalgia and depression until recently.

 

Despite what the doctors said I knew my mind was OK but my body just

wouldn't go along. By perserverance and determination I have finally rid

myself completely of that haunting feeling.

 

I changed my diet dramatically to the low carb/ high protein and within a

week or two my entire life began to change. I discovered I must have a form

of coeliac ( celiac) disease which is an intolerance to gluten in wheat,

barley, oats and rye. I went on a great learning curve and my feet haven't

hit the ground yet.

One of the side effects is low thyroid production and that hormone

certainly affects your emotional state.

 

So my advice is to never, ever give up searching for an answer to what is

causing you to be anxious and depressed.

 

I have no doubt that our emotions make us vunerable to dis ease yet I

believe many things in our environment then add problems to our vunerable

body state and prevent us getting back on top of things.

 

Here's a link to one avenue to try

 

 

http://www.foodcanmakeyouill.co.uk

Your complete guide to food intolerance

 

If that wet's your curiosity I can send you to more .

 

Love,

Liz, at Nelson Bay