electronic friendship

[Guest guest]

> Please see below for a few more ideas on the nature of friendship in this

> new era of electronic communication:

> Florie

 

Hi to Florie,

I read your piece to Jo on friendships online. You expressed it so well and

I agree with it all.

I am involved in a couple of lists and I am quite amazed at how easy it is

to communicate in a meaningful way with ordinary people throughout the

world.

 

Jaylink

(Ireland)

[Guest guest]

-

" jaylink " <jaylink

 

Thursday, October 05, 2000 6:03 PM

Re: electronic friendship

 

>

> Hi to Florie,

> I read your piece to Jo on friendships online. You expressed it so well

and

> I agree with it all.

> I am involved in a couple of lists and I am quite amazed at how easy it is

> to communicate in a meaningful way with ordinary people throughout the

> world.

>

> Jaylink

> (Ireland)

>

Thank you for the smile! May I presume that I've just made a new friend in

Ireland?

 

Yours,

 

Florie

[Guest guest]

> Thank you for the smile! May I presume that I've just made a new friend

in

> Ireland?

>

> Yours,

>

> Florie

 

Well I don't know about that Florie, we haven't been properly introduced.

Who knows what strange characters we may be. If we met in the flesh (just a

figure of speech, don't get excited) would we be friends? I was going to say

'if we met in real life' but then this is real life. Isn't it!

I'm not one for letter writing, never have been, but on-line communication

is very different. It's a strange medium. People seem to express themselves

in a very open and sharing way to complete strangers! Is it the anonymity?

Why do people in this list share so readily? I find it difficult to share

with people normally, I need to be able to assess their likely response, I

need to watch their body language, listen to the tone of their voice and

make all sorts of unconscious judgements about them before I open myself to

anything other than small talk. Yet, without any of this assessment, people

jump straight in and reveal all sorts of personal details about themselves.

This is strange indeed.

Perhaps married couples should 'talk to each other on-line' (that was meant

as a flippant remark but maybe there is something in that. Any marriage

guidance counsellors out there, lurking? Come to think of it, I did the

Marriage Encounter weekend many years ago and that was based on written

sharing).

Anyway, I digress, where was I, oh yes I was trying to get at the essence of

friendship and communication. What do you think? Let me ask you a very basic

but interesting question and I'm not trying to be rude or anything here but

" why would you want to be my friend? "

 

Jaylink

Ireland

[Guest guest]

-

" jaylink " <jaylink

 

Friday, October 06, 2000 3:25 PM

Re: electronic friendship

 

 

>

> > Thank you for the smile! May I presume that I've just made a new

friend

> in

> > Ireland?

> >

> > Yours,

> >

> > Florie

>

> Well I don't know about that Florie, we haven't been properly introduced.

> Who knows what strange characters we may be. If we met in the flesh (just

a

> figure of speech, don't get excited) would we be friends? I was going to

say

> 'if we met in real life' but then this is real life. Isn't it!

 

Ah, but we probably would never have crossed paths if it weren't for

cyber-life!

 

> I'm not one for letter writing, never have been, but on-line communication

> is very different. It's a strange medium. People seem to express

themselves

> in a very open and sharing way to complete strangers! Is it the anonymity?

> Why do people in this list share so readily? I find it difficult to share

> with people normally, I need to be able to assess their likely response, I

> need to watch their body language, listen to the tone of their voice and

> make all sorts of unconscious judgements about them before I open myself

to

> anything other than small talk. Yet, without any of this assessment,

people

> jump straight in and reveal all sorts of personal details about

themselves.

> This is strange indeed.

 

I've always been a letter-writer--isn't online communication simply the

natural extension of the fine art of written communication? However, I'm

also painfully shy in public and social situations. This is the only venue

in which I feel that I can be myself, without fear of rejection or reprisal.

 

> Perhaps married couples should 'talk to each other on-line' (that was

meant

> as a flippant remark but maybe there is something in that. Any marriage

> guidance counsellors out there, lurking? Come to think of it, I did the

> Marriage Encounter weekend many years ago and that was based on written

> sharing).

 

> Anyway, I digress, where was I, oh yes I was trying to get at the essence

of

> friendship and communication. What do you think? Let me ask you a very

basic

> but interesting question and I'm not trying to be rude or anything here

but

> " why would you want to be my friend? "

>

I suppose I could answer that in many ways, all honest. I could counter

with: " Well, why *wouldn't* I ? Do you not consider yourself worthy of

another's admiration? " , or ask if you have so many people in your life that

there is not room for another. I could be contentious and ask if you have

not found my communications up to your expectations, I could simply tell you

what I feel, which is this: I liked your response to my post yesterday and

felt good feelings toward you. No more, no less. Perhaps the word " friend "

is used too easily these days. Shall we consider ourselves cordial

correspondents and see where it leads? I have no agenda--I know nothing of

your age, sex, religion, bank balance, background...don't much care, either.

You seem to be an intelligent soul with something to say and a literate way

of presenting it, and that is a trait that I find attractive in people with

whom I communicate; also, although perhaps erroneously referred be me as

" friends " .

 

Allow me to rephrase yesterday's presumption: May I assume that our

correspondence has created the possibility of good feelings between the two

of us and that there is the potential for more of those good feelings in the

future?

 

Cordially,

 

Florie Gray

[Guest guest]

Very good response, Florie.

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

I haven't followed this entire thread but do find the last

two interchanges interesting. Yaylink may I just add my 2 cents

worth here, it appears that you may have taken Florie's comment

re 'friendship' a little hard. What is the problem with the

possibility that she might indeed become a cyber friend? Why

even ask that I wonder.

 

I have found cyber communication to be a fascinating medium

for connecting. I as well have been a lover of letter writing

and this is just an extension of letter writing, yet more immediate

hence it facilitates an ease of that -freeely flowing *part of

ourselves* - that desires and needs to be expressed without

the usual 'walls' and 'masks' we may put up in face to face encounters.

 

Indeed many of us write under cyber names, to protect ourselves yet

do often reveal very intimate parts of ourselves, parts we perhaps need

to express to someone. There are depths of beauty and truth in all of us

that we wish to expose to others - our longings, our fears, our

sensitivities.

 

Yet face to face we may fear to open up to others that intimately.

And in return our own judgements often screen out others needs for the

same. So cyberspace can prove to be a very freeing and intimate medium

of sharing and connecting. I have encountered that at times.

And it can remain fulfilling just on that level, within this other

parallel universe of sorts.

 

However, just to add to the other side of this perspective, cyber

space can also be an invisible domain inhabited by

'suspect' individuals some of whom I have experienced as well.

These are people not who they claim to be or individuals who

have intentions other than those that they are professing.

Thus I would say, caveat emptor and trust your instincts. If a more serious

'relationship'/friendship was to develop, I explore and

investigate. So I try to remain free and wise at the same time.

 

some thoughts .....in friendship : )

Maya

 

 

 

On Fri, 6 Oct 2000 20:25:32 +0100, wrote:

 

>

> > Thank you for the smile! May I presume that I've just made a new

friend

> in

> > Ireland?

> >

> > Yours,

> >

> > Florie

>

> Well I don't know about that Florie, we haven't been properly introduced.

> Who knows what strange characters we may be. If we met in the flesh (just

a

> figure of speech, don't get excited) would we be friends? I was going to

say

> 'if we met in real life' but then this is real life. Isn't it!

> I'm not one for letter writing, never have been, but on-line

communication

> is very different. It's a strange medium. People seem to express

themselves

> in a very open and sharing way to complete strangers! Is it the

anonymity?

> Why do people in this list share so readily? I find it difficult to share

> with people normally, I need to be able to assess their likely response,

I

> need to watch their body language, listen to the tone of their voice and

> make all sorts of unconscious judgements about them before I open myself

to

> anything other than small talk. Yet, without any of this assessment,

people

> jump straight in and reveal all sorts of personal details about

themselves.

> This is strange indeed.

> Perhaps married couples should 'talk to each other on-line' (that was

meant

> as a flippant remark but maybe there is something in that. Any marriage

> guidance counsellors out there, lurking? Come to think of it, I did the

> Marriage Encounter weekend many years ago and that was based on written

> sharing).

> Anyway, I digress, where was I, oh yes I was trying to get at the essence

of

> friendship and communication. What do you think? Let me ask you a very

basic

> but interesting question and I'm not trying to be rude or anything here

but

> " why would you want to be my friend? "

>

> Jaylink

> Ireland

>

>

 

 

 

 

 

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