draining of energy (long)

[Guest guest]

Abs:

 

I'm not a big " Oprah " watcher, but I've been catching this woman on her show

lately that wrote a book called " Life Makeovers " that you might be

interested in. I can't recall her name, maybe someone else has it. She is

helping people to reestablish their boundaries, find their personal

integrity, return to their true purpose and organize their lives. Sort of

like feng shui for your lifestyle.

 

At any rate, I have also been having great MOTHER issues for quite a while

now, an issue that goes deep and long and extends for several generations.

It is very, very hard to comprehend and deal with core family issues,

because we are so enmeshed and turn to these people for love, acceptance and

approval. We also look to them to model who we will become as women and

mothers ourselves. When our role is distorted through poor communication,

abuse, codependency or manipulation we grow rather like a tree in the wind,

bent, scrubby, tough, braced.

 

In order for us to grow straight again, we have to turn and embrace the

wind. In other words, we have to see where we came from to know what formed

us, but we have to use that knowledge not to remain crooked and damaged but

to help us be what we were designed to be.

 

I had a Soul Retrieval in the Spring of last year, and my facilitator

brought back for me a magnificent brown mother bear to help me reincorporate

my lost and stolen fragments and to mourn what I needed to release before I

could move on. I am still working with that bear, and as I lean on her as I

could never lean on my human mother because of her fragility, I feel that I

can stop being defensive and honor the strong woman inside myself, and also

the child who needs the stability and space to let go of control.

 

There are some things I have had to say and do to establish my boundaries

with my family in order to show them that I am serious in my desire to

change and not endorse or perpetuate the patterns that have created a

fractured and distant family. Some of them were hard to say and do, but

mostly because of my feelings of responsibility and tradition. Some of them

were hard because I mothered my mother for so long, I felt guilty for

" abandoning " her by giving her back the responsibility for her self.

 

Deepak Chopra says that we teach people how to treat us; it is very

difficult teaching my mother how to treat me in the respectful way I expect

from my friends and my mate!

 

This is the sort of long-term energy drain that is beyond what you can

protect yourself from in the treatment room with special clothes and

rituals... because we are intrinsically vulnerable to our mothers. However,

we have to get beyond the guilt trips and the entitlement and stand firm on

the principle that we are all individuals and deserve to be treated with

dignity and honor. What you need for dealing with your family is a

semi-permeable membrane, something that won't block out the love but is a

clear barrier preventing unacceptable behavior, either physical, emotional

or energetic.

 

So, a brief exercise in prepping for a visit with Mamere' so that you don't

go home sick in body and spirit...

 

Prepare yourself by centering and focusing on your entire body, making an

effort to map out your areas of tension for special attention. When you feel

these areas tightening up, let that be a cue that you need to take some deep

breaths and return to your center again.

 

Know that you can give and receive love without having to submit to

unacceptable behavior on any level. Be willing to enforce that knowledge

with action, gentle but firm.

 

Respect is not a given. It has to be earned. That goes both ways.

 

Take as many breaths as you need. Close your eyes if you have to. If all

else fails, walk away.

 

Make sure you maintain your regular eating habits; if you are on a special

diet, bring your food with you. Many families bond with food. It can be a

manipulative weapon, as well.

 

Learn to use the speech format " When you... I feel... " This lets the person

know how you are feeling, and why. Never say " You make me feel " because that

implies they can control your feelings.

 

Take walks or long baths to give yourself the opportunity to be alone.

 

Bring your journal with you and use it faithfully. It's your witness and

your confidante.

 

Use the locks on the bedroom and bathroom doors. The feeling I get from this

simple behavior (an establishment of privacy and boundary I was not allowed

when I lived at home) is that I am drawing a line in the dirt. " Mother may

you? No, you mayn't. " <LOL>

 

Good luck to you in your personal journey. I believe we choose the people in

our families for the reason that they will provide the most important

lessons for us, and if we are having difficulty dealing with them as loved

ones, we can at least accept them as teachers.

 

Blessings,

Crow

" Look for Rainbows in the Darkness "

 

 

----Original Message Follows----

Arabella McIntyre-Brown <abs

 

 

draining of energy

Fri, 13 Oct 2000 22:32:36 +0100

 

Crow - your post about energy draining struck home with me particularly now

.... last weekend I had an introduction to Kirlian analysis, and the one

thing that the analyst was particularly concerned about was that someone was

undermining my sense of self, draining my energy and knocking me off course.

A Reiki practitioner I spoke to the same day told me I was carrying too much

of someone else's energetic weight on my shoulders and was being drained.

 

I know what and who it is (my mother...!), but don't yet know how to

deal with it kindly and with integrity. But you've put your finger on

the problem, which helps me to focus on it properly and look for a way

through it.

 

thanks!

 

love

 

Arabella

 

----

 

 

 

Rev. R. C. Abreu, BS, RN, CHTP/I, CRMT, CH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subtle Energy Techniques to Support Growth & Healing

~~~~~~http://www.geocities.com/nrgbalance~~~~~~

~~~SomaChi...the Balance you've been looking for...~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Dear Arabella,

I struggled with a mother who drained every

drop of my energy at every meeting, for many

years. I fumed, and put miles between us, didn't

visit, which was worse in some ways than

visiting. But because of this situation I learned

about energy and gradually learned how to deal

with my situation. I know that we cannot teach

experience, but I would have been grateful for a

helping hand, and so here is something that you

may find gives you a spring-board for further

learning.

 

We are programmed from birth in ways to steal

other people's energy. We believe it is

necessary for our own survival, our parents

taught us that we need to do it, and some

parents taught us better than others, because

their energy stealing was honed to a fine art

throughout the generations. It cannot ever lead

to a full emotional existence, and someone has

to choose to break the chain, or the tragedy will

go on. Breaking the chain is simple but never

easy. First we need to acknowledge the

situation. Learn how you have been turned into

someone that you are not. You are, and always

will be, the perfect you. You are not what

anyone else says you are. Learn to love

yourself. You be the wonderful loving parent to

your inner child that you have never had. Speak

to that child in your mirror, she is longing for

your approval. Then learn what has been said

over the long years of subjugation, listen to the

well worn sentences going around in your head.

'You will never make anything of yourself', 'You

have always caused me trouble', 'I don't know

what I should do if you ever leave me', 'Why

don't you come and live near, so that I can pop

in any time I want', 'Mrs.Jones' daughter never

talks to her mother like that', 'Why don't you love

me, I'm your mother?' These are just a few

possibilities, you need to listen for your own,

and then let them come without re-acting. Your

ego will want to re-act, to protect your very life,

as it has always done. It is thanks to your ego

that you are alive today. Always remember,

these are only thoughts that have been

programmed into your personal computer, and

just like a computer can be re-programmed, by

changing those thoughts. When you have

listened to the old tapes and videos, choose

some new ones. Change you vocabulary,

parental words are: should, must, ought, throw

these out. Stop trying and 'do'. The trying comes

from trying to please your mother.

 

All these steps are leading you towards loving

yourself, and when you love yourself, loving

others is easy. Do a mental exercise: see

yourself cutting the ropes or chains that bind

you to your mother. And then let go. Get to a

place where you can look upon your mother's

face and feel love. Understand how she came to

be the person that she is, and I guarantee that

something will change. In my case my mother

died a very hard death from liver cancer. The

last two weeks of her life were the best that we

had ever had together, as I was able to give her

the unconditional love that she had always

demanded and fought for. This might not be the

case with you, your mother may change and

meet you half way, but be ready to accept

whatever happens, because it will be right for

you.

 

Your mother need never know that you are

working in this way, so she will not be able to

undermine your efforts. But you will reap all that

you sow, if you sow love then you will reap love.

 

On 13 Oct 2000, at 22:32, Arabella McIntyre-Brown wrote:

 

> I know what and who it is (my mother...!),

> but don't yet know how to deal with it kindly

> and with integrity.

 

 

Blessings

Carol