Gratitude

[Guest guest]

My many many thanks to the vast number of you who sent peaceful wishes and

prayers in the time just past. My Sweetheart's mother passed last week, and

it has been a whirlwind ever since.

 

As we were debating what to do, we asked the doctors if Mumsie would ever be

able to return to her independent life again. They were stunned that she HAD

been living independently. She was painting and sculpting up to the last few

months and cooking for herself and us in the last few weeks. It was quite the

blessing that she never had to go into a personal care home because she would

have been absolutely miserable there. Some people thrive in such a social

atmosphere, but it would never have suited her personality. Mumsie had about

the best outcome you could hope for in someone who had been a heavy drinker

for years in her earlier days, and was *still* a heavy smoker in spite of the

congestive heart failure and the emphysema.

 

Having been through this time, I can give some tips on what to do for friends

in such a situation.

 

Show up. In whatever way you can, make your caring presence known. Send a

card, go to the viewing, attend the funeral service. The grieving

person/family might not have much time to sit and chat with you, but know

that they are very aware that you cared enough to come. I can't overstate

what it meant to have our family of choice come to be with us.

 

Cough up. I was amazed at how many cards there were that had money in them.

And it was so greatly needed. Mumsie had no insurance, so Chris and I will

pony up for the mass, the viewing, the cremation, etc. And even if there HAD

been insurance, we spent quite the amount on food for the wake. Those $10 -

$50 contributions added up to help out quite a bit.

 

Help out. Go and clean house for the grieving family. Chances are they are in

shock, no matter how well prepared they had been for the final event. They

will be entertaining family from far and near, and will also be making

arrangements and be pulled in several directions at once. If you go to a

gathering at the house, help serve. Help clean up after. I can't tell you how

helpful it was to have a couple good friends working in the kitchen so I

could sit with friends and family. And I bless the feet of the two who came

to help clean house before the gathering.

 

Bring food. We can't feed ourselves. We are stunned. So it helps to be able

to pull leftovers from the fridge in the week following the funeral.

 

One story on this note-- I had been asked about a billion times, " Is there

anything I can do? " and I was numb with hearing it. One time I replied with,

" Yeah. Bring me a crown rib roast. " That had been one of Mumsie's favorite

meals and I guess it was on my mind. Next day, guess what my friend showed up

carrying? It was delicious.

 

Don't worry about what to say. You can say, " I don't know what to say. I just

wanted you to know that I am thinking of you, " and it will mean a lot.

 

Again, thank you and bless you all for your loving thoughts and prayers and

messages.

 

Anukki

 

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