Commitment Phobia

[Guest guest]

Carla:

 

Perhaps you are approaching yourself in too strict a fashion

here. Consider these things...

 

It may be, that just because your new friend is kind and an

improvement over your past friends, that this is not the person

you are meant to be with. Or, that you are meant to be together

for awhile, to be, to learn, and to grow.

 

Sometimes when we start building a relationship out of the rules

that we have been given by society, our families, our religion or

our peers we are confused and dismayed that we don't resonate

with it. Forever may seem like a long time, and it is not a

necessary parameter for a relationship. Like everything else, the

best way to live and love is day by day, moment by moment.

 

In some pagan lifeways, rather than a lifetime commitment such as

marriage, a ceremony is done with a partner called a handfasting.

The couple 'ties the knot' for a year and a day, with options to

renew their commitment on their anniversary. If the partners

decide mutually at the end of their tenure that it is time to

part, they do so without rancour, and they may choose to have a

ceremony to 'sever the knot'. This is one way of recognizing the

need to reevaluate and reestablish the intimate bond with a

partner regularly, rather than once at the beginning and never

again.

 

If you truly feel that you have a problem committing to a single

person, or you feel trapped by the idea of a relationship, then

you have to stop looking at the people you are trying to bond

with and look instead at you... what is it that you fear? Do you

fear losing your personal identity, your freedom, your privacy?

Are you afraid of abandonment, rejection, or loss? How do you

think a relationship might enhance your life, if you did not have

those fears?

 

Relationships are work, and are sacred tasks. Often we want

relationships with others to be ideal, when our relationships

with ourselves are less than ideal. I would encourage you to find

Stephen and Ondrea Levine's book " Embracing the Beloved " and read

it. It was a very important help to me, as was reading Rumi and

other Sufi poets on the nature of love and abandoning ourselves

to it fully.

 

You might also want to try one of the meridian therapies, such as

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapas Accupressure Technique

(TAT). If you want more info on either one, we can get you links

for that to help you clarify what your issues might be that are

causing you such obvious distress.

 

And go easy on yourself... we are inundated at every turn with

the concept that we are not whole unless we are partnered, but in

truth we cannot be partnered in a healthy way unless we are

whole.

 

Blessings,

Crow

 

Carla Romaine wrote:

>

>

> Yes. After a long time period, I've met someone very

> kind, but I'm finding it difficult. Even though he is

> different, I still find myself wanting out. It's as

> though my natural response has become to want out of

> any relationship I get myself into, good or bad.

>

> It has the strangest effect. I feel like a caged

> animal inside and out. I keep having the sensation of

> wanting to run, literally and figuratively and

> something prevents me in both arenas. I keep thinking

> that if my body felt free, my mind would not struggle

> so hard to push the relationship away. And vice

> versa--if the relationship would go away, i could feel

> more free physically. this correlation is not really

> " true " , it's not as though this man prevents me from

> doing anything physically, but I feel like the

> excessive amounts of time spent with him produce the

> same effect.

>

> -Carla

>