Expectations (was Infallible Masters)

[Guest guest]

I understand what you are saying and I have certainly experienced

it---over and over again. I wonder, though, how to balance that out so

that it isn't self-defeating---so we aren't visualizing failure. I often

think that we get what we expect, in some sense---if it's nothing, that

may be why we get it. Any ideas, anyone, to balance this out?

 

Celeste

 

On Mon, 4 Jun 2001 13:07:20 -0700 (PDT) cvj <cvjackson5

writes:

> Hello all,

>

> After reading what Crow just wrote about having that plaque

> which spoke of expecting nothing, it made me realize just

> how little I have grown to expect in life. It all began at

> an early age. I am 50 now and I truly have grown to expect

> nothing in the way of giving emotionally from others.

> Sometimes I feel that the only person I can truly count on

> is me. I don't know if it was to be taken to this extreme

> or not, but I really don't have any expectations and I know

> that it came about because of the disappointments in life

> and it is true, if you don't expect, then you aren't

> disappointed. However, I always have this twinge of

> wishing that someone would show me that I can expect from

> them and then receive what is expected. When I don't, I

> then shrug it off and say to myself, " Oh well, I didn't

> expect it to begin with, so no loss. "

>

> I know this must sound rather depressing and it may be the

> mood I am in today, but it is something I wanted to share.

>

> Thanks for listening.

>

> Cindy

> --- Caroline Abreu <crow wrote:

> > Laurie:

> >

> > You know, when I read it again, I thought how harsh it

> > might

> > sound to a vulnerable person to hear this. I am not in

> > any way

> > saying that we will never have reciprocity or happy

> > strokes from

> > others, just that we shouldn't rely on them, but enjoy

> > them as

> > gifts and blessings, sometimes even miracles ;-)

> >

> > I used to have a small plaque on my wall that said

> > " Blessed Are

> > They Who Expect Nothing, For They Will Not Be

> > Disappointed " <G>

> > While I think that makes the good things that come look

> > more like

> > serendipity, it shouldn't encourage people to tolerate

> > things

> > that threaten their safety or self esteem, or those that

> > are

> > dependent on them.

> >

> > I think it is wonderful that there is such an emphasis on

> > teaching children personal boundary awareness and

> > courtesy at an

> > early age... but I often wonder if it would not be even

> > more

> > effective if the entire family didn't participate, since

> > that is

> > where faulty skills generally emerge and are perpetuated

> > by

> > modelling. Classes in Partnering, Parenting and Family

> > Skills

> > might be especially helpful in these days of numerous

> > non-traditional and fragmented or blended families.

> >

> > Blessings,

> > Crow

> > Laurie Filsinger wrote:

> > >

> > > And of course, if we've been raised to believe that

> > 'for every

> > > action there is an equal and opposite reaction' means

> > that

> > > every

> > > emotion we have will be validated, every action we make

> > will be

> > > appreciated, if we are nice to people they will be nice

> > to us

> > > and

> > > every time we love someone they will love us back...

> > well,

> > > then,

> > > we have been set up for a great deal of disappointment.

> > What we

> > > do must be its own reward in order for us to be happy;

> > we can't

> > > rely on others to complete us or satisfy us... our

> > parents, our

> > > mates, our children, our friends or our teachers

> > >

> > > Dear Crow,

> > > Thank you so much for writing the above. Even though I

> > know the

> > > topic is infallible masters, I resonated with what you

> > wrote in

> > > relation to some of my family and found your

> > observations very

> > > insightful. Just wanted to let you know how much I

> > appreciated

> > > this!

> > >

> > > Many blessings,

> > > Laurie

> > >

> >

>

>

> =====

> youngliving.com/cindysessentialoils

>

> Member #316019

>

>

>

> Get personalized email addresses from Mail - only $35

> a year! http://personal.mail./

>

> ****************************************

> Visit the community page:

>

> For administrative problems -owner

> To , -

>

> All messages, files and archives of this forum are copyright of the

> group and the individual authors.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Linda,

 

That seems to put some balance to it. Thanks,

 

Celeste

 

On Mon, 04 Jun 2001 13:29:57 -0700 " Dr.Nature " <drnature

writes:

>

> It seems to me that there are two aspects of expectations

> that could get confused here. One is not expecting others to

> fill our expectations of what we would like to receive from

> them, and the other is expecting that good things will come

> to us from any source, including from others.

> If we live our lives trying to not expect anything so that

> we are never disappointed, we set ourselves up for less than

> we can have in life. We are always creating with our thoughts

> and we would not be creating 'good things' coming to us.

> But, when we are actually in a relationship and have ideas from

> moment to moment of what we want from this person, it can

> cause a lot of discord if we get upset when the needs are not

> met. Maybe the distinction is that it might be good to keep

> our minds on positive expectation, but let go of the source

> that it will manifest through. Although, I have high expectations

> of being treated well by my partner, and I am. I think it's good

> in that it helps me set boundaries and make my needs known.

> But I don't blast my needs; that wouldn't get me anywhere.

> But I also know that I have to treat my partner well too and

> that's often the stumbling block in relationships - so many of

> us are running at a deficit from our childhoods - never getting

> enough and wanting to finally get something without having

> to put effort out.

> On that note, I am going to expect that something Great

> is going to happen to me this afternoon.....

>

> Linda

>

>

> cvj wrote:

>

> > Hello all,

> >

> > After reading what Crow just wrote about having that plaque

> > which spoke of expecting nothing, it made me realize just

> > how little I have grown to expect in life. It all began at

> > an early age. I am 50 now and I truly have grown to expect

> > nothing in the way of giving emotionally from others.

> > Sometimes I feel that the only person I can truly count on

> > is me. I don't know if it was to be taken to this extreme

> > or not, but I really don't have any expectations and I know

> > that it came about because of the disappointments in life

> > and it is true, if you don't expect, then you aren't

> > disappointed. However, I always have this twinge of

> > wishing that someone would show me that I can expect from

> > them and then receive what is expected. When I don't, I

> > then shrug it off and say to myself, " Oh well, I didn't

> > expect it to begin with, so no loss. "

> >

> > I know this must sound rather depressing and it may be the

> > mood I am in today, but it is something I wanted to share.

> >

> > Thanks for listening.

> >

> > Cindy

> > --- Caroline Abreu <crow wrote:

> > > Laurie:

> > >

> > > You know, when I read it again, I thought how harsh it

> > > might

> > > sound to a vulnerable person to hear this. I am not in

> > > any way

> > > saying that we will never have reciprocity or happy

> > > strokes from

> > > others, just that we shouldn't rely on them, but enjoy

> > > them as

> > > gifts and blessings, sometimes even miracles ;-)

> > >

> > > I used to have a small plaque on my wall that said

> > > " Blessed Are

> > > They Who Expect Nothing, For They Will Not Be

> > > Disappointed " <G>

> > > While I think that makes the good things that come look

> > > more like

> > > serendipity, it shouldn't encourage people to tolerate

> > > things

> > > that threaten their safety or self esteem, or those that

> > > are

> > > dependent on them.

> > >

> > > I think it is wonderful that there is such an emphasis on

> > > teaching children personal boundary awareness and

> > > courtesy at an

> > > early age... but I often wonder if it would not be even

> > > more

> > > effective if the entire family didn't participate, since

> > > that is

> > > where faulty skills generally emerge and are perpetuated

> > > by

> > > modelling. Classes in Partnering, Parenting and Family

> > > Skills

> > > might be especially helpful in these days of numerous

> > > non-traditional and fragmented or blended families.

> > >

> > > Blessings,

> > > Crow

> > > Laurie Filsinger wrote:

> > > >

> > > > And of course, if we've been raised to believe that

> > > 'for every

> > > > action there is an equal and opposite reaction' means

> > > that

> > > > every

> > > > emotion we have will be validated, every action we make

> > > will be

> > > > appreciated, if we are nice to people they will be nice

> > > to us

> > > > and

> > > > every time we love someone they will love us back...

> > > well,

> > > > then,

> > > > we have been set up for a great deal of disappointment.

> > > What we

> > > > do must be its own reward in order for us to be happy;

> > > we can't

> > > > rely on others to complete us or satisfy us... our

> > > parents, our

> > > > mates, our children, our friends or our teachers

> > > >

> > > > Dear Crow,

> > > > Thank you so much for writing the above. Even though I

> > > know the

> > > > topic is infallible masters, I resonated with what you

> > > wrote in

> > > > relation to some of my family and found your

> > > observations very

> > > > insightful. Just wanted to let you know how much I

> > > appreciated

> > > > this!

> > > >

> > > > Many blessings,

> > > > Laurie

> > > >

> > >

> >

> > =====

> > youngliving.com/cindysessentialoils

> >

> > Member #316019

> >

> >

> >

> > Get personalized email addresses from Mail - only $35

> > a year! http://personal.mail./

> >

> > ****************************************

> > Visit the community page:

>

> > For administrative problems -owner

> > To , -

> >

> > All messages, files and archives of this forum are copyright of

> the group and the individual authors.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Laurie:

 

You know, when I read it again, I thought how harsh it might

sound to a vulnerable person to hear this. I am not in any way

saying that we will never have reciprocity or happy strokes from

others, just that we shouldn't rely on them, but enjoy them as

gifts and blessings, sometimes even miracles ;-)

 

I used to have a small plaque on my wall that said " Blessed Are

They Who Expect Nothing, For They Will Not Be Disappointed " <G>

While I think that makes the good things that come look more like

serendipity, it shouldn't encourage people to tolerate things

that threaten their safety or self esteem, or those that are

dependent on them.

 

I think it is wonderful that there is such an emphasis on

teaching children personal boundary awareness and courtesy at an

early age... but I often wonder if it would not be even more

effective if the entire family didn't participate, since that is

where faulty skills generally emerge and are perpetuated by

modelling. Classes in Partnering, Parenting and Family Skills

might be especially helpful in these days of numerous

non-traditional and fragmented or blended families.

 

Blessings,

Crow

Laurie Filsinger wrote:

>

> And of course, if we've been raised to believe that 'for every

> action there is an equal and opposite reaction' means that

> every

> emotion we have will be validated, every action we make will be

> appreciated, if we are nice to people they will be nice to us

> and

> every time we love someone they will love us back... well,

> then,

> we have been set up for a great deal of disappointment. What we

> do must be its own reward in order for us to be happy; we can't

> rely on others to complete us or satisfy us... our parents, our

> mates, our children, our friends or our teachers

>

> Dear Crow,

> Thank you so much for writing the above. Even though I know the

> topic is infallible masters, I resonated with what you wrote in

> relation to some of my family and found your observations very

> insightful. Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated

> this!

>

> Many blessings,

> Laurie

>

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

 

After reading what Crow just wrote about having that plaque

which spoke of expecting nothing, it made me realize just

how little I have grown to expect in life. It all began at

an early age. I am 50 now and I truly have grown to expect

nothing in the way of giving emotionally from others.

Sometimes I feel that the only person I can truly count on

is me. I don't know if it was to be taken to this extreme

or not, but I really don't have any expectations and I know

that it came about because of the disappointments in life

and it is true, if you don't expect, then you aren't

disappointed. However, I always have this twinge of

wishing that someone would show me that I can expect from

them and then receive what is expected. When I don't, I

then shrug it off and say to myself, " Oh well, I didn't

expect it to begin with, so no loss. "

 

I know this must sound rather depressing and it may be the

mood I am in today, but it is something I wanted to share.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Cindy

--- Caroline Abreu <crow wrote:

> Laurie:

>

> You know, when I read it again, I thought how harsh it

> might

> sound to a vulnerable person to hear this. I am not in

> any way

> saying that we will never have reciprocity or happy

> strokes from

> others, just that we shouldn't rely on them, but enjoy

> them as

> gifts and blessings, sometimes even miracles ;-)

>

> I used to have a small plaque on my wall that said

> " Blessed Are

> They Who Expect Nothing, For They Will Not Be

> Disappointed " <G>

> While I think that makes the good things that come look

> more like

> serendipity, it shouldn't encourage people to tolerate

> things

> that threaten their safety or self esteem, or those that

> are

> dependent on them.

>

> I think it is wonderful that there is such an emphasis on

> teaching children personal boundary awareness and

> courtesy at an

> early age... but I often wonder if it would not be even

> more

> effective if the entire family didn't participate, since

> that is

> where faulty skills generally emerge and are perpetuated

> by

> modelling. Classes in Partnering, Parenting and Family

> Skills

> might be especially helpful in these days of numerous

> non-traditional and fragmented or blended families.

>

> Blessings,

> Crow

> Laurie Filsinger wrote:

> >

> > And of course, if we've been raised to believe that

> 'for every

> > action there is an equal and opposite reaction' means

> that

> > every

> > emotion we have will be validated, every action we make

> will be

> > appreciated, if we are nice to people they will be nice

> to us

> > and

> > every time we love someone they will love us back...

> well,

> > then,

> > we have been set up for a great deal of disappointment.

> What we

> > do must be its own reward in order for us to be happy;

> we can't

> > rely on others to complete us or satisfy us... our

> parents, our

> > mates, our children, our friends or our teachers

> >

> > Dear Crow,

> > Thank you so much for writing the above. Even though I

> know the

> > topic is infallible masters, I resonated with what you

> wrote in

> > relation to some of my family and found your

> observations very

> > insightful. Just wanted to let you know how much I

> appreciated

> > this!

> >

> > Many blessings,

> > Laurie

> >

>

 

 

=====

youngliving.com/cindysessentialoils

 

Member #316019

 

 

 

Get personalized email addresses from Mail - only $35

a year! http://personal.mail./

[Guest guest]

It seems to me that there are two aspects of expectations

that could get confused here. One is not expecting others to

fill our expectations of what we would like to receive from

them, and the other is expecting that good things will come

to us from any source, including from others.

If we live our lives trying to not expect anything so that

we are never disappointed, we set ourselves up for less than

we can have in life. We are always creating with our thoughts

and we would not be creating 'good things' coming to us.

But, when we are actually in a relationship and have ideas from

moment to moment of what we want from this person, it can

cause a lot of discord if we get upset when the needs are not

met. Maybe the distinction is that it might be good to keep

our minds on positive expectation, but let go of the source

that it will manifest through. Although, I have high expectations

of being treated well by my partner, and I am. I think it's good

in that it helps me set boundaries and make my needs known.

But I don't blast my needs; that wouldn't get me anywhere.

But I also know that I have to treat my partner well too and

that's often the stumbling block in relationships - so many of

us are running at a deficit from our childhoods - never getting

enough and wanting to finally get something without having

to put effort out.

On that note, I am going to expect that something Great

is going to happen to me this afternoon.....

 

Linda

 

 

cvj wrote:

 

> Hello all,

>

> After reading what Crow just wrote about having that plaque

> which spoke of expecting nothing, it made me realize just

> how little I have grown to expect in life. It all began at

> an early age. I am 50 now and I truly have grown to expect

> nothing in the way of giving emotionally from others.

> Sometimes I feel that the only person I can truly count on

> is me. I don't know if it was to be taken to this extreme

> or not, but I really don't have any expectations and I know

> that it came about because of the disappointments in life

> and it is true, if you don't expect, then you aren't

> disappointed. However, I always have this twinge of

> wishing that someone would show me that I can expect from

> them and then receive what is expected. When I don't, I

> then shrug it off and say to myself, " Oh well, I didn't

> expect it to begin with, so no loss. "

>

> I know this must sound rather depressing and it may be the

> mood I am in today, but it is something I wanted to share.

>

> Thanks for listening.

>

> Cindy

> --- Caroline Abreu <crow wrote:

> > Laurie:

> >

> > You know, when I read it again, I thought how harsh it

> > might

> > sound to a vulnerable person to hear this. I am not in

> > any way

> > saying that we will never have reciprocity or happy

> > strokes from

> > others, just that we shouldn't rely on them, but enjoy

> > them as

> > gifts and blessings, sometimes even miracles ;-)

> >

> > I used to have a small plaque on my wall that said

> > " Blessed Are

> > They Who Expect Nothing, For They Will Not Be

> > Disappointed " <G>

> > While I think that makes the good things that come look

> > more like

> > serendipity, it shouldn't encourage people to tolerate

> > things

> > that threaten their safety or self esteem, or those that

> > are

> > dependent on them.

> >

> > I think it is wonderful that there is such an emphasis on

> > teaching children personal boundary awareness and

> > courtesy at an

> > early age... but I often wonder if it would not be even

> > more

> > effective if the entire family didn't participate, since

> > that is

> > where faulty skills generally emerge and are perpetuated

> > by

> > modelling. Classes in Partnering, Parenting and Family

> > Skills

> > might be especially helpful in these days of numerous

> > non-traditional and fragmented or blended families.

> >

> > Blessings,

> > Crow

> > Laurie Filsinger wrote:

> > >

> > > And of course, if we've been raised to believe that

> > 'for every

> > > action there is an equal and opposite reaction' means

> > that

> > > every

> > > emotion we have will be validated, every action we make

> > will be

> > > appreciated, if we are nice to people they will be nice

> > to us

> > > and

> > > every time we love someone they will love us back...

> > well,

> > > then,

> > > we have been set up for a great deal of disappointment.

> > What we

> > > do must be its own reward in order for us to be happy;

> > we can't

> > > rely on others to complete us or satisfy us... our

> > parents, our

> > > mates, our children, our friends or our teachers

> > >

> > > Dear Crow,

> > > Thank you so much for writing the above. Even though I

> > know the

> > > topic is infallible masters, I resonated with what you

> > wrote in

> > > relation to some of my family and found your

> > observations very

> > > insightful. Just wanted to let you know how much I

> > appreciated

> > > this!

> > >

> > > Many blessings,

> > > Laurie

> > >

> >

>

> =====

> youngliving.com/cindysessentialoils

>

> Member #316019

>

>

>

> Get personalized email addresses from Mail - only $35

> a year! http://personal.mail./

>

> ****************************************

> Visit the community page:

> For administrative problems -owner

> To , -

>

> All messages, files and archives of this forum are copyright of the

group and the individual authors.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Cindy:

 

I guess that is why I readdressed my earlier comments; actually, the

plaque is supposed to be humorous/sarcastic, not a real philosophy of

life ;-) I was digging for something here, so thanks for the bait you

provided.

 

There is a fine line between what we call lack of expectation and what

is, in truth, pessimism or defensiveness related to past experience. In

the first case, there is openness to receiving the spontaneous gift of

love from others, and in the latter, there is that niggling impression

that the other shoe hasn't fallen that never seems to go away. In a way,

that is a negative expectation, and boy, can those manifest in

remarkable ways.

 

Do you remember the Aesop fable about the fox and the grapes?

http://www.bartleby.com/17/1/31.html

 

I think positive expectations can manifest as well, if we don't become

too attached to the outcomes. Then it is a matter of following the

golden rule, learning to trust others, and trying optimism (without

completely losing touch with reality ;-) It also helps to release the

perception that when we try something that doesn't work that it will

never work for us. I can't remember who said it, but I do believe that

'luck' is largely a matter of persistence.

 

You may have heard the old story about the children who were twins; one

was an optimist, one a pessimist. It just so happened that on their

birthday a large crate of horse manure arrived for their mother's

garden; not knowing what it was, and thinking it a present, they opened

it. The pessimist saw the dung and exclaimed that surely someone hated

them, to send them such a thing... while the optimist began fervidly

digging into the box, convinced that there must be a pony in there

somewhere!

 

My father and I had a talk this last weekend about naivete' and open

heartedness, and how they are often mistaken one for the other. They can

dwell together, but once the innocence is shattered, it takes real work

to keep the heart open.

 

I certainly do not want to encourage people to be jaded... in fact, I

try myself to follow the path of the Sufi poet who prayed, " God, break

my heart... break my heart open so that it can hold more love inside

it. " I learned in my quest for love that what I wanted was for someone

to love me unconditionally, while I maintained the safety of my own

conditions. In other words, I wanted something for nothing. In my

attempts to be safe, I couldn't experience all the colors of love and

stayed fairly superficial and in control. Then, one day, I threw caution

to the winds, and gave myself totally to the experience of love. It was

a vary passionate time. I would like to say it was a fairy tale, but the

true magic is that it wasn't... I was broken in ways I had only feared

before... but it gave me a chance to find my own depths, and shed light

on corners of my soul that had never been exposed. That beautiful,

terrible broken heart enabled me to love properly, and find the man that

I am happily married to now, my best friend.

 

I hope for you that you can flip that coin over. We are all so

complicated, and our experiences so various and rich. I guess what I

would most like to wish for people is that they do not become hard and

lose their connection to the sweet things in life just because they do

not always come easily, or don't always last. We don't have to live

waiting for the other shoe to fall.

 

http://www.practicalplanning.com/Publicspeaking/Anecdotes/newpage19.htm

http://www.businesspipeline.com/pressreleases/poem_3.htm

http://people.ne.mediaone.net/goodlife/attitude.htm

http://www.lds-living.com/yw/pagePPattitudepoem.html

 

 

Blessings,

Crow

 

cvj wrote:

>

> Hello all,

>

> After reading what Crow just wrote about having that plaque

> which spoke of expecting nothing, it made me realize just

> how little I have grown to expect in life. It all began at

> an early age. I am 50 now and I truly have grown to expect

> nothing in the way of giving emotionally from others.

> Sometimes I feel that the only person I can truly count on

> is me. I don't know if it was to be taken to this extreme

> or not, but I really don't have any expectations and I know

> that it came about because of the disappointments in life

> and it is true, if you don't expect, then you aren't

> disappointed. However, I always have this twinge of

> wishing that someone would show me that I can expect from

> them and then receive what is expected. When I don't, I

> then shrug it off and say to myself, " Oh well, I didn't

> expect it to begin with, so no loss. "

>

> I know this must sound rather depressing and it may be the

> mood I am in today, but it is something I wanted to share.

>

> Thanks for listening.

>

> Cindy

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Crow. Sometimes within these various groups I

have found that those who respond usually do so with a

pompous attitude. I did not sense that in your reply, I

only sensed love from one who knew what I was talking

about.

 

Unfortunately I find myself not feeling and not wanting to

feel. All my life I was feeling everything, too much so

and now I find myself not feeling at all, not wanting to

love and not wanting to be loved and it doesn't bother me

and that scares me. I suppose it is something I will

eventually get to the bottom of and find some balance with.

 

 

My one son who is 26 and a seminary student asked me the

other day what I felt love was, when engaging him in a

conversation about my current situation. I told him I

honestly did not know, at one time I thought I did, but

don't anymore. Yet, I know that I do love, but I feel it

is more of a caring maybe that is what has been along,

caring=love.

 

Perhaps I will know someday.

 

Cindy

 

 

 

 

 

 

--- Caroline Abreu <crow wrote:

> Cindy:

>

> I guess that is why I readdressed my earlier comments;

> actually, the

> plaque is supposed to be humorous/sarcastic, not a real

> philosophy of

> life ;-) I was digging for something here, so thanks for

> the bait you

> provided.

>

> There is a fine line between what we call lack of

> expectation and what

> is, in truth, pessimism or defensiveness related to past

> experience. In

> the first case, there is openness to receiving the

> spontaneous gift of

> love from others, and in the latter, there is that

> niggling impression

> that the other shoe hasn't fallen that never seems to go

> away. In a way,

> that is a negative expectation, and boy, can those

> manifest in

> remarkable ways.

>

> Do you remember the Aesop fable about the fox and the

> grapes?

> http://www.bartleby.com/17/1/31.html

>

> I think positive expectations can manifest as well, if we

> don't become

> too attached to the outcomes. Then it is a matter of

> following the

> golden rule, learning to trust others, and trying

> optimism (without

> completely losing touch with reality ;-) It also helps to

> release the

> perception that when we try something that doesn't work

> that it will

> never work for us. I can't remember who said it, but I do

> believe that

> 'luck' is largely a matter of persistence.

>

> You may have heard the old story about the children who

> were twins; one

> was an optimist, one a pessimist. It just so happened

> that on their

> birthday a large crate of horse manure arrived for their

> mother's

> garden; not knowing what it was, and thinking it a

> present, they opened

> it. The pessimist saw the dung and exclaimed that surely

> someone hated

> them, to send them such a thing... while the optimist

> began fervidly

> digging into the box, convinced that there must be a pony

> in there

> somewhere!

>

> My father and I had a talk this last weekend about

> naivete' and open

> heartedness, and how they are often mistaken one for the

> other. They can

> dwell together, but once the innocence is shattered, it

> takes real work

> to keep the heart open.

>

> I certainly do not want to encourage people to be

> jaded... in fact, I

> try myself to follow the path of the Sufi poet who

> prayed, " God, break

> my heart... break my heart open so that it can hold more

> love inside

> it. " I learned in my quest for love that what I wanted

> was for someone

> to love me unconditionally, while I maintained the safety

> of my own

> conditions. In other words, I wanted something for

> nothing. In my

> attempts to be safe, I couldn't experience all the colors

> of love and

> stayed fairly superficial and in control. Then, one day,

> I threw caution

> to the winds, and gave myself totally to the experience

> of love. It was

> a vary passionate time. I would like to say it was a

> fairy tale, but the

> true magic is that it wasn't... I was broken in ways I

> had only feared

> before... but it gave me a chance to find my own depths,

> and shed light

> on corners of my soul that had never been exposed. That

> beautiful,

> terrible broken heart enabled me to love properly, and

> find the man that

> I am happily married to now, my best friend.

>

> I hope for you that you can flip that coin over. We are

> all so

> complicated, and our experiences so various and rich. I

> guess what I

> would most like to wish for people is that they do not

> become hard and

> lose their connection to the sweet things in life just

> because they do

> not always come easily, or don't always last. We don't

> have to live

> waiting for the other shoe to fall.

>

>

http://www.practicalplanning.com/Publicspeaking/Anecdotes/newpage19.htm

> http://www.businesspipeline.com/pressreleases/poem_3.htm

> http://people.ne.mediaone.net/goodlife/attitude.htm

> http://www.lds-living.com/yw/pagePPattitudepoem.html

>

>

> Blessings,

> Crow

>

> cvj wrote:

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > After reading what Crow just wrote about having that

> plaque

> > which spoke of expecting nothing, it made me realize

> just

> > how little I have grown to expect in life. It all

> began at

> > an early age. I am 50 now and I truly have grown to

> expect

> > nothing in the way of giving emotionally from others.

> > Sometimes I feel that the only person I can truly count

> on

> > is me. I don't know if it was to be taken to this

> extreme

> > or not, but I really don't have any expectations and I

> know

> > that it came about because of the disappointments in

> life

> > and it is true, if you don't expect, then you aren't

> > disappointed. However, I always have this twinge of

> > wishing that someone would show me that I can expect

> from

> > them and then receive what is expected. When I don't,

> I

> > then shrug it off and say to myself, " Oh well, I didn't

> > expect it to begin with, so no loss. "

> >

> > I know this must sound rather depressing and it may be

> the

> > mood I am in today, but it is something I wanted to

> share.

> >

> > Thanks for listening.

> >

> > Cindy

>

 

 

=====

youngliving.com/cindysessentialoils

 

Member #316019

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/4/2001 12:06:59 PM US Eastern Standard Time,

crow writes:

 

<< I think it is wonderful that there is such an emphasis on

teaching children personal boundary awareness and courtesy at an

early age... but I often wonder if it would not be even more

effective if the entire family didn't participate, since that is

where faulty skills generally emerge and are perpetuated by

modelling. Classes in Partnering, Parenting and Family Skills

might be especially helpful in these days of numerous

non-traditional and fragmented or blended families. >>

Crow,

 

When I read the above, I smiled with utmost appreciation. I have been a

father for over 28 years and have only recently taken " parenting classes " due

to some difficult circumstances. My youngest daughter of 17 led me to these

classes whittingly or not and they were very helpful. Together, we learned a

great deal about each other and a much greater appreciation for who we are as

individuals as well as father and daughter.

I have always been very interested in my own biological family's dynamics and

these classes taught me that what we have learned as children is passed to

our children. Not necessarily by design, but by the way we live. Or in my

case, how we don't live. I existed until recently. That trait was passed to

my children to a certain degree. I now honor boundaries for myself and for

other's as well. That includes others' boundaries of me. I try and send forth

positive energy to the ones who have ill feelings towards me and wish them

the very best this life can bring them. With each life, we learn. I know I

have.

I have always felt that the one thing we as parent's should teach our

children is common courtesy. An uncommon trait these days. (G) That courtesy

must be towards ourselves first, IMO. We cannot give what we do not posess.

Brightest Blessings this Eve,

Tom

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/4/2001 4:52:17 PM US Eastern Standard Time,

crow writes:

 

<< Sufi poet who prayed, " God, break

my heart... break my heart open so that it can hold more love inside

it. " >>

Crow,

How beautiful! I have often heard that " the door to the human heart can only

be opened from the inside. " I don't know who wrote it, but believe it to be

true because it has been for me. Perhaps the Sufi poet has been paraphrased.

ya think? Only when I was able to open my heart and let out the love that had

been welled up for so many years did I come to realize what true love really

is. There is much pain involved in true love, but the love overcomes all

obstacles. So far. (G) Love is endless in its' source. To be opened from

within my own heart has taught me much about the source.

Brightest Blessings,

Tom

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all who've contributed to the discussion re expectations.

I've got a lot from it.

I too wonder about the difference between acceptance and resignation.

Acceptance appears to be the willingness to experience whatever comes

along, thoughts, feelings and actions, without the need to judge them.

Resignation has an element of accepting sadness or incompleteness.

This presumably means that something has been stopped somewhere, for

if acceptance allows for a flow through the organism, the resignation

would come and go, and not remain.

The more our society evolves the more attainment of goals is put up

as the reason for living. Those goals we all know about, money,

status, perfect kids, perfect relationship. Mostly however, the

attainment of anything simply means that the fear of not attaining it

is replaced by the fear of losing it.

Our community does not prize acceptance, inner peace, love or simply

being, and it's hard to remain mindful of these things whilst living

here.

I guess there's a balance between experiencing achievment on the one

hand (which satisfies our Western drive) and relating to that

achievment as if it were transient and not getting to attached to

it. As Rajneesh said:

" A master is not someone who's achieved anything. A master is someone

who's realised that there's nothing to achieve. "

Love to all

Arjuna