justice and picking the right fights

[Guest guest]

There is story i want to share with you about justice and picking the right

fights.

and choosing our attitude to it.

 

two days ago my daughter had a ceremony (end of school).

Her teacher is a delicate creature. very humble, kind, warm noble heart,

loving and caring, she is the " good guy " in the story.

 

On the other hand the principal of the school comes from a totaly different

pole. Ego drives her and she enjoys smashing

people, she is busy all the time showing who is the boss. She decided to

fire the teacher on next year for no reason.

we know it is because the teacher is too good for her. she gains chaisma by

quiet deeds and this alone annoys and rhreatens the principal who is busy in

creating " waves. " by shouts and bullying other people

 

this is the background.

 

2 weeks ago the teacher asked me to say a speech in the ceremony. she cried

with tears and told me how she suffers silently from her boss. and since i

know the natures of each one of them i decided to help the " good guys " and

wrote a beautiful speech

concentrating in the teacher beautiful traits... said in front of the

audience how much we appreciate her quite gentle manners etc. etc. other

parents in the audience who are aware to the hard situation of the teacher

and the conflicts and the injustice she suffers, identified deeply with

the speech bur the pricipal felt bad. she sat there furiating... and i felt

she is going to explode.

every positive sentence i said on the teacher mad her face become angrier

and red and horror.

 

The teacher on the other hand felt wonderful because for two years she

suffers from that " bad guys " . all the other teachers in this school are

afraid of the principal's power so they flatter her

(ich) and humiliate the kind teacher. shouting on her, not respecting her

minimal rights.

Now on that speech she was the queen. she started to cry out of excitement

and she was sooooo happy. it was a drama. the good guys were on top . total

surprise for the bad guys,

 

i am a good performer on stages... and i gave all i had to make the speech

vivid and meaningful and remembered. in a way it made the principal

intentions to fire the teacher - not an easy task.

 

this teacher is divorced with two kids. she needs the job desparately and

she does her job so well. why should the bad guys win?

 

Many parents came and shook my hand and told me: good for you to help her!

please send the text to the minister of education. you made us happy by

helping her etc.

I felt happy too for being able to help her

 

 

On the morning after i got a phone call from the principal. she was

furiating. how dare you she said speak about the teacher ? why did you

concentrate on her? where were the blessings and gratitude to the school

staff? to the children .?

i was very offended by you? i want to know at once who told you to write the

speech. how dare you spoil the evening?

 

she asked me to hand her the text so she could find excactly

what was offending her.

 

I said: why not?

this was of course a typical reaction of an ego-maniac power seeking person.

I told her that she would not find one neghative word in the speech on

school. i said i concentraTED on the teacher because i love her and i think

she deserves the praise. she said she doesnt agree with me and that many

parents told her that tjhey did not like my speech, that it was not

balanced.

I told her that this astonished me because i felt identification and support

from the audience. i said that the parents who told her so are cowards and

jealous and that i am ready to confront them anytime

 

but after faxing her the text i started thinking about the story. i must

admit i felt fear that she would revenge somehow. I have other kids in

school and i heard this is her way. i asked my self why did i need this?

did i pick a fight which was not mine just for the adrenalin? was i dragged

to a fight which is not mine?

I know i felt tremendous happiness and joy to help the teacher. even if

she'll get fired eventually she'll walk away with a positive feeling that

she is appreciated by the parents of her pupils.

still i keep asking my self: why did i have to put myself in the front...

why didn't i mingle in the crowd? who needs this kind of tensions?

in a way i felt like don kichote. not so wise , may be not so shrewd enough.

on that stage i was a too tiger. not a snake.

snakes are more effective. usually.

would love to hear your thoughts about picking fights.

Anat

[Guest guest]

>Dear Anat:

What you did here was very brave. But you may not have realized that in

supporting this teacher, you took on a bigger fight with the principle. She

should have never called you, but it shows how much of an rival she can be.

She seems fierce. I don't think you choose to fight a big rival, but it's

ended up that way. So how do we know? Sometimes, when it just seems we're

doing the " right " thing, suddenly we have enemies.

The key is, not which fight to fight, it is how much you choose to go

public with this fight. If you take it to the masses, there is going to be

more wiplash.

Some ideas are not ready to go public. Some like " ecology " are way past

thier time to be public. You understand that you, while not meaning to,

caused the principle to loose face. Now she must deal with that. How can

you help her save face, without loosing yours? I only ask you this, as you

have children who will be under her unfair rule, and to protect them you may

have to figure out a way to help this principle.

I get myself in situations occasionaly, because I am a loyal friend and I

speak out against those who hurt my friends. As a result, I then take on my

friends enemies. Very uncompfortable. The lesson is to judge the enemy and

assess if you have the power to take them on before doing so.

This doesn't feel like its much help, but its all I can think of in the

moment. I feel your distress.

love

connie

 

> There is story i want to share with you about justice and picking the right

> fights.

> and choosing our attitude to it.

>

> two days ago my daughter had a ceremony (end of school).

> Her teacher is a delicate creature. very humble, kind, warm noble heart,

> loving and caring, she is the " good guy " in the story.

>

> On the other hand the principal of the school comes from a totaly different

> pole. Ego drives her and she enjoys smashing

> people, she is busy all the time showing who is the boss. She decided to

> fire the teacher on next year for no reason.

> we know it is because the teacher is too good for her. she gains chaisma by

> quiet deeds and this alone annoys and rhreatens the principal who is busy in

> creating " waves. " by shouts and bullying other people

>

> this is the background.

>

> 2 weeks ago the teacher asked me to say a speech in the ceremony. she cried

> with tears and told me how she suffers silently from her boss. and since i

> know the natures of each one of them i decided to help the " good guys " and

> wrote a beautiful speech

> concentrating in the teacher beautiful traits... said in front of the

> audience how much we appreciate her quite gentle manners etc. etc. other

> parents in the audience who are aware to the hard situation of the teacher

> and the conflicts and the injustice she suffers, identified deeply with

> the speech bur the pricipal felt bad. she sat there furiating... and i felt

> she is going to explode.

> every positive sentence i said on the teacher mad her face become angrier

> and red and horror.

>

> The teacher on the other hand felt wonderful because for two years she

> suffers from that " bad guys " . all the other teachers in this school are

> afraid of the principal's power so they flatter her

> (ich) and humiliate the kind teacher. shouting on her, not respecting her

> minimal rights.

> Now on that speech she was the queen. she started to cry out of excitement

> and she was sooooo happy. it was a drama. the good guys were on top . total

> surprise for the bad guys,

>

> i am a good performer on stages... and i gave all i had to make the speech

> vivid and meaningful and remembered. in a way it made the principal

> intentions to fire the teacher - not an easy task.

>

> this teacher is divorced with two kids. she needs the job desparately and

> she does her job so well. why should the bad guys win?

>

> Many parents came and shook my hand and told me: good for you to help her!

> please send the text to the minister of education. you made us happy by

> helping her etc.

> I felt happy too for being able to help her

>

>

> On the morning after i got a phone call from the principal. she was

> furiating. how dare you she said speak about the teacher ? why did you

> concentrate on her? where were the blessings and gratitude to the school

> staff? to the children .?

> i was very offended by you? i want to know at once who told you to write the

> speech. how dare you spoil the evening?

>

> she asked me to hand her the text so she could find excactly

> what was offending her.

>

> I said: why not?

> this was of course a typical reaction of an ego-maniac power seeking person.

> I told her that she would not find one neghative word in the speech on

> school. i said i concentraTED on the teacher because i love her and i think

> she deserves the praise. she said she doesnt agree with me and that many

> parents told her that tjhey did not like my speech, that it was not

> balanced.

> I told her that this astonished me because i felt identification and support

> from the audience. i said that the parents who told her so are cowards and

> jealous and that i am ready to confront them anytime

>

> but after faxing her the text i started thinking about the story. i must

> admit i felt fear that she would revenge somehow. I have other kids in

> school and i heard this is her way. i asked my self why did i need this?

> did i pick a fight which was not mine just for the adrenalin? was i dragged

> to a fight which is not mine?

> I know i felt tremendous happiness and joy to help the teacher. even if

> she'll get fired eventually she'll walk away with a positive feeling that

> she is appreciated by the parents of her pupils.

> still i keep asking my self: why did i have to put myself in the front...

> why didn't i mingle in the crowd? who needs this kind of tensions?

> in a way i felt like don kichote. not so wise , may be not so shrewd enough.

> on that stage i was a too tiger. not a snake.

> snakes are more effective. usually.

> would love to hear your thoughts about picking fights.

> Anat

>

>

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[Guest guest]

dear connie

you should thank God for the kind warm wise heart he gave you. i always feel

your compasion beneath the lines. i wish you were my friend. you made me so

excited there are tears in my eyes right now. good-heart is wisdom.

love

Anat

[Guest guest]

Anat:

 

What you have experienced is what I like to call " when the passion of the

night meets the bright light of day " . When we are in the midst of a feeling,

we can neglect to think of an action's implications until we have already

acted. Sometimes, those implications are not even clear to us until

afterwards, even if we think we have considered things first.

 

My first reaction to your action was to praise your bravery, as Connie did,

and tell you that I can see how you felt justified in being protective of

the teacher.

 

But, there is often a blurry line between what is personal injustice, and

what is social injustice. Perhaps it might have been better to avoid

creating a situation that made the principal lose face; rather, the teacher

might have been encouraged to negotiate or seek legal advice about her

rights regarding her employment. A petition signed by the parents in support

of the teacher might help boost her cause. Peer pressure and scapegoating is

hardly ever shamed out of people; they just find a way to do it quietly.

 

And at this point, I don't see the principal softening, since confrontation

does not usually convince someone to change their actions; often it has the

opposite effect, hardening their resolve to maintain control. In many cases,

an employer does not have to have a reason to fire an employee... but even

if she does, this might give her a reason to obsess on any minutia she

perceives as negative about the teacher, making the teacher miserable, and

she will probably be fired anyway, or end up quitting.

 

This is a hard lesson all around. I would hope that the principal would

listen, but have doubts about it happening. I would hope the teacher would

take up her own cause, since it is her issue, and that she can learn to

empower herself and strengthen her assertiveness and boundaries.

 

Right now, what is done is done, and your focus will have to move away from

the teacher and her problems to the fallout, or at least the potential for

it. Sit down with your children and have a talk about standing up for what

is right, and the importance of looking for the good in others rather than

giving in to social pressure and scapegoating people. I'm sure they know you

are protective of them, and I would hope that the principal will know that

as well and avoid any petty retribution.

 

I'll certainly be sending energy to the situation, so that the best outcome

for everyone will manifest itself. We don't know what that is right now, so

supporting the process of love and kindness is the best way to go.

 

Blessings,

Crow

 

> " pine " <pine

>

>

> justice and picking the right fights

>Thu, 28 Jun 2001 06:39:58 +0300

>

>There is story i want to share with you about justice and picking the right

>fights.

>and choosing our attitude to it.

>

 

Caroline " Crow " Abreu

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Holistic Nurse Specializing in:

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" The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind

is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors

the servant and has forgotten the gift. " ~ Albert Einstein

 

" The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our

dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the

seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds

wherever we go. " ~ Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

> " pine " <pine

>

> Thu, 28 Jun 2001 10:34:26 +0300

>

> Re: justice and picking the right fights

>

> dear connie

> you should thank God for the kind warm wise heart he gave you. i always feel

> your compasion beneath the lines. i wish you were my friend. you made me so

> excited there are tears in my eyes right now. good-heart is wisdom.

> love

> Anat

>

> Dear Anat:

We are friends, just not close by one another, as I feel this way about

your heart as well. Thankyou dear Anat, for this post. I had a hard day

yesturday, and your words were an inspiration to do my best.

love

connie

[Guest guest]

Hi Crow

 

i agree with you that it is more complicated than the obvious.

 

I also thought a lot this morning about what connie suggested (to think

about the publicity and taking the fight in front of every one)

 

but - publicity here was the main issue. The teacher felt so humiliated

infront of her colleques and parents and kids.

The manager and her gang planned to exclude her in this ceremony to leave

her out of the game. She felt bad and abandoned. they planned never mention

her name and give her any credit,

her victory in this case was to recieve the full attention, 5 minutes of

authentic praise appreciation and gratitude p-u-b-l-i-c-l-y!

 

at the age of 40 i've already learned that the snake fighting is better than

the tiger fighting (ie:petitions, legal advice instead of publicly speeches)

however in this case the publicity of gratitude to the teacher was the prize

i wanted to give her.

 

I did not insult the principal . just did not mention her. of course it was

deliberately (i would feel disgust to praise her too when i don't believe

my words)

what offended her most was the fact that her " rival " the employee was

praised against all her planning and intrigues.

 

and. there is another thing. i knew that this speech might not help the

teacher maintain her job ( i even told her what you advised to go and seek

new fresh opportunities).

problem she feels humiliated and defeated. i wanted to give her a boost.

even she'll be fired she'll leave with a good feeling. that she won the

parents appreciation and that it was said loudly - infront of all her

enemies.

 

 

you know what? today the principal called me again, she wanted to say

something probably but then she hanged the phone mumbling it was a

mistake.... this frightened me. i try never to collect enemies.

 

i feel immature. this robin-hood behavior belongs to adolocents

not to 40 year old people,

 

I thought to write a letter to the principal and explain even appologize.

but my kid stopped me. she knows her fierce mind better than i do. she said

that in this case my appology would be percieved in a distorted way. she

would feel i'm frightened and than become more violent.

" mom, if you want to protect us from her you must never show her signs of

fear. she respect only people she is afraid of(

and smashed the unpriviledged) - that's will not work with her.

appologies will be interpreted by her as fear and insecurity.

she is not a body-mind group member ;-) "

 

crow ,Thank you for the good energies sent. It eases my mind in a way to

know there are positive protective vibes around. God bless you.

Anat

[Guest guest]

Dear Anat,

I think you are a good-hearted person. I feel a warmth each time I

read one of your posts. I will be sending you love and well-wishes.

Audrey

[Guest guest]

I think the concept of " picking fights " or better yet, " Choosing one's battles "

is important. Often life is too darn short, to stress out and be nit-picky over

the things that don't really matter. However, in my own opinion, I would like

to say

 

Hurrah! for you, and in standing up for the goodguys!

Bullies are just that, Bullies. Insecure, and feeding off the energy and

tenderness of others. If bullies picked on someone their own size, they would

not be bullies for long!

 

I find that for myself, I tend to help the underdog and/or injustices in the

world, like when people try to take advantage of the elderly or abuse children

or animals. I will pray for the bully you bravely confronted with your speech.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt at all if we all joined in. Bullies are human, maybe

that's all they know. How to manipulate, and intimidate others in order to have

some worth? Who knows...

 

I am a tenderheart, so part of me thanks you for standing up for another

tenderhearted spirit!

 

Thanks

Patti

[Guest guest]

Dear Audrey,

thank you for this encouragement. It is so comforting to meet

kind people.

Anat

 

 

>I will be sending you love and well-wishes.

Audrey