Centredness

[Guest guest]

Anat,

My mother is a 1926 tiger (fire).

She is tiger through and through, which means she cares for others deeply.

The way I cope with others is to make " I " statements and try to see it form

their point of view.

I ask for a clearer insight if a person is saying they don't like an aspect

of me or my behavior. I ask them to tell me what they mean. Mostly I don't

fear a difference of opinion. Sometimes I say in my head " that might be

true for you, it isn't so for me " but choose not to get caught up in what

they are saying. I carefully choose my battles and the battleground, after

all rabbits like to be left in peace but have to be constantly vigilent for

things that disturb the peace.

My greatest surprise was my mother telling me " no, she couldn't help me out

on a particular problem " .

Initially I was very angry, how dare my mother say no to me. Then I

realised how much better it was for both of us. I could have the faith that

my mother did things for me because she wanted to, not out of a sense of

duty and obligation. It also gave me the opportunity to think whether I

really needed what I requested, whether someone else could help me, whether

I could help myself or do without.

I now welcome people that are honest enough to tell me if they can't help

me and believe that if someone helps because they think they should, it is

their problem not mine. This frees me up to help when I can and say no when

I can't.

Like I said before, establishing boundaries takes time and practice.

Boundaries change as we grow, things I tolerate now I wouldn't have in the

past.

Sorry for rambling... (Grins at Crow..)

Much Love, Ninox