Guest guest Posted July 11, 2001 Report Share Posted July 11, 2001 help. I feel like I have a short circuit in my brain. I'm in a long-term relationship with a wonderful, wise person. He is requesting me to be 'present' in my/our life. Good advice, So why can't/don't I do it? I want the real relationship that I know we can have (and do, parts of the time) so bad. I can manage to be present and honest for a few wonderful days, tops, and then (a few hours or days after that) I notice that I have not been present and have been hiding and I try to hide even more, because I am feeling shitty about myself for failing (at being present etc). Eventually, my partner and I have a (shall I call it a) conversation about it where I basically freak-out, cry, feel guilt and shame and worthlessness, and fear that he has no reason to continue to want to be with me. Usually, eventually, I get to the point where I consider options for killing myself and whether I want to, and really could, do it - since by then I wish that I hadn't been born and perhaps should not have been born, am making the person I love most in the world miserable, and am just taking up space and a pretty poor excuse for a human being. Often, sometime (moments, hours, days) later I get clear again about what it is to be present, and manage to hold that for a few wonderful days, tops, and then (a few hours or days after that)...[return to top of message and repeat]. I've tried traditional talk therapy but I don't seem to be able to rationally communicate it all very well. I am tired of the roller coaster (when it is good it is Good, and obviously the bad is pretty bad) and am asking for what any of you would share in the way of wisdom, advice, stories, whatever. Thanks, Audrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2001 Report Share Posted July 11, 2001 >I've tried traditional talk therapy but I don't seem to be able to rationally communicate it all very well. Hi Audrey: Talking is merely verbalized thinking. Maybe there isn't any problem. Maybe what you " THINK " is a problem is just the thinking. The problem may be caused by the thinking. Gestalt Founder, Fritz Perles would say in this situation: " Stop thinking and come to your senses. " He meant that literally. Here and now, are you holding any tensions.? How come? Is it from thinking? Stop thinking and continue with your senses. relax, breathe freely, smell the air and empty your mind from those spinning thougths. You body knows EXACTLY what to do but until you empty your mind of this tape looped roof brain chatter, what is appropriate to deal with what is a the top of the heirarchy of urgency of the moment cannot come to the foreground. Surrender and trust your inner self to do the right thing if you just let it. Or maybe not, but it's worth NOT thinking about. love. rusty audreylee <audreylee Wednesday, July 11, 2001 12:09 PM going crazy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2001 Report Share Posted July 11, 2001 Rusty, I know its my thoughts that result in my feelings. And part of the problem is definitely trust; myself, the universe. If I'm so low that I think I should not exist, how can I trust me? Likewise, why would I trust me? Or the universe? Thanks for a fast response! Audrey , " Rusty Morgan " <rustym@p...> wrote: > >I've tried traditional talk therapy but I don't seem to be able to > rationally communicate it all very well. > > Hi Audrey: > Talking is merely verbalized thinking. > Maybe there isn't any problem. > Maybe what you " THINK " is a problem is just the thinking. > The problem may be caused by the thinking. > Gestalt Founder, Fritz Perles would say in this situation: > " Stop thinking and come to your senses. " > He meant that literally. > Here and now, are you holding any tensions.? > How come? > Is it from thinking? > Stop thinking and continue with your senses. relax, breathe freely, > smell the air and empty your mind from those spinning thougths. > You body knows EXACTLY what to do but until you empty your mind of > this tape looped roof brain chatter, what is appropriate to deal with > what is a the top of the heirarchy of urgency of the moment cannot > come to the foreground. > Surrender and trust your inner self to do the right thing if you just > let it. > Or maybe not, but it's worth NOT thinking about. > love. > rusty > > > > > > audreylee@n... <audreylee@n...> > > Wednesday, July 11, 2001 12:09 PM > going crazy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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