Ready for healing? Maybe not.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/22/02 8:16:07 AM Pacific Standard Time, rputman

writes:

 

 

> This raises an interesting question for people interested in helping others

> heal. Some people are not ready for healing; they have other plans.

 

I was a nurse and took care of people with all sorts of different attitudes

in the hospital. Now I'm " just " a Mom...I'll tell you more later. ANYWAY:

I remember one sweet lady, maybe 55 years old if that. She was going to have

gall bladder surgery. The surgery went really well, no complications.

However, she had made up her mind before she entered the hospital that she

would die there. Why? Who knows all the reasons. She had just decided.

Someone she knew had died when they were at the hospital and that is what she

expected--from the get go when she found out she had to have surgery.

No amount of trying to talk, clarifying things, doing therapy, etc. helped

her. She had made up her mind. She wouldn't eat. When we told her how well

her surgery went and how it healed up she didn't believe it. She eventually

did die, although it took several weeks.

And there have been others who just defy the odds. They want to live, have

stuff left to do, and they do.

I totally believe in the power of the mind there.

Elaine Dunn (new to list)

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Rich,

 

Let me share some of my story with you.

 

1.) I have lived 23 years longer than my prognosis even though I

prepared to die as well as receive treatment. I think my acceptance of

of whatever life had to offer was significant in my journey.

 

2.) My husband, John, had a massive brain hemorrhage in 1995 that he was

never expected to recover from. Although he had residual mental effects,

the last six years were very meaningful for him and our family. I was

convinced it was not his time to go. Nov. 5 of this year, we discovered

he had stage 4 cancer and no treatment would be effective. He died on

Christmas Day---a completed man. We had been trying for several months

to diagnose some very comfusing symptoms (e.g., referred pain, etc. but

could not get an accurate diagnosis). With the same assuredness, the

entire family was convinced that this was his time to move on.

 

Healing is such a mystery. My experience with illness, as an RN and a

Pastoral Counselor tells me that often physical illness can have many

compensating spiritual effects and truly be part of our journey toward

wholeness at times. One book that started me on this journey in the 70's

is John Sanford's, Healing and Wholeness. Maybe you would find it

interesting. I also believe in healing prayer, miracles, etc. I have

seen many unexplainable things. My faith tells me that Someone Bigger

than myself is in charge. Maybe your shoeman was in touch with that,

maybe he was rejecting an opportunity for healing. I find it is hard to

tell.

 

God bless you in your offers of healing.

 

Celeste

[Guest guest]

I had to reply to this because my family is going through this right now

with my brother - he was diagnosed with MS in August 2001. He has chosen to

do nothing, he is vegan, all natural, etc - which is totally fine, but why

waste away when there are all-natural treatments i.e. bee sting therapy

(probably not the technical term)?

 

My brother is 23 yrs old! He's run marathon's, some of you probably know

him for all I know! :-) He's so intelligent and smart and we love him so

very much, but it seems, to his family, that he has chosen not to fight

'nature', but to let it take its course. When you love someone how do you

cope?

 

This is physically affecting my mother, not eating, sleeping, etc. She's

gotten to the point of severe depression and no longer wants to live some

days.

 

Anyway, that's my two sense there :-). Any suggestions or help are welcome!

 

Thanks,

Jessica

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Dear Jessica,

 

It sounds as if your brother might be depressed. How long has this been

going on? It's easy to understand that your mother might also be

depressed. Have you thought about encouraging them to check this out? A

good therapist could be very helpful.

 

Celeste

[Guest guest]

hi

 

here is my personal story in this subject:

My husband was diagnosed as diabetic

4 years ago. it was devasteting.

 

at the begining i tried to be involved

and seek the total cure for him, pushed him , motivated him to seek cure

etc.

 

although on the outer plane he did everything expected from him (diet,

insulin, visiting doctors, accupuncture, yoga etc etc.)

i felt that in the inner plane he has given up, that he decided to accept

his situation, to seek treatment.... not cure.

 

this made me frustrated and angry and sad . I told him honestly what i

think... and that i am disappointed that he doesn't fight.

it is devasteting to discover that he lost his fighting spirit. i tried to

do the fight with my spirit.

i put too much energy in convincing him to fight , now - after 3.5 years i

learned that my endeavor was futile and useless.

 

you can not cure someone unless he has a treamedous inner passionate will to

be cured.

so i left thing to be... i let go... just prayed to God to take care of him.

Love to all of you

Anat

[Guest guest]

Actually,

 

I'm not angry at all - I get more frustrated with my mom than anything

because she won't let it go. There is one thing that just drives me crazy

about my brother - whenever he needs money he calls and asks for it and my

mom sends it, no questions asked. I'm struggling through school and my

sister is going to school full time and working full time - my brother,

works maybe 10 hours a week, takes a few classes, never calls, etc. But if

he needs money it's there. Part of this is irritation with my mom, but this

is her way of keeping him in her life - I know that.

 

Frankly, I am far too busy to worry about what my family is doing and the

drama that goes on. I left at 18 (8 years ago now), I still call every week

or ever two weeks if I haven't heard from anyone, but usually I get 3 phone

calls a week form my mom, so there is no need for me to call.

 

I had a very bad life growing up, lots of abuse from my dad, etc - I dealt

with years of hatred and anger in 9 short weeks of basic training. What a

therapeutic mental cleanse! I'm not psychotic or anything, but the physical

demands of basic I met and excelled at through anger. So, I dealt with and

faced all my daemons then and have little to do with it now. My family on

the other hand is all screwed up because they haven't faced there's, just

sweep it under the rug.

 

I have been back home I think 4 times in 8 years, my brother visits yearly

(Christmas) - I'll never move back there and have no desire to go back for a

visit, so who knows, maybe someday my mom will be sick over me not visiting.

 

If my brother has chosen one path and we don't agree, my answer is that he

is an adult, has done research and has made a decision. If someday he

decides to reach out, sure I'll be there - but for now, I'm here, but not

involved (if that makes sense).

 

I'm actually a very happy person.

Jessica

 

 

anatcohn [anatcohn]

Saturday, February 23, 2002 1:00 PM

 

Re: Ready for healing? Maybe not.

 

Jessica

 

i was curious to learn from you:

where do you take the anger?

there is a lot of frustration and anger

on the sick relative who is not cooperating?

 

when you decide to shut up - then

there is a lot of anger accumulating.

inside.

this is my experience.

 

I have to deal now with anger.

 

Anat

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 02/24/2002 6:25:37 AM Pacific Standard Time,

csull3 writes:

 

 

> . I also

> believe that the Holy Spirit works in chaos. This is a comforting idea

> for me.

>

>

 

i just heard a carolyn myss tape which talked about this, and i too find it

comforting. and true.

sammar

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Jessica,

 

Wow! I thought you were describing me and my family for a second. I

have an environmentalist brother in the NW who seems to have gone off the

deep end recently. Until the last year or so, I had alot of respect for

the work he is doing but now his attitude has become very extreme.

 

My mother makes herself psychologically ill (literally) because it has

always made her the center of attention. I moved back to my home area

five years ago and saw it clearly for the first time. Eventually, I had

to set some clear limits (as it sounds like you have) but there is a

price to pay when one upsets the family applecart. I couldn't go back

into the crazy family dynamics, though, once I saw it clearly. It has

taken some time but things are much more comfortable for me and a few

changes have been made within the family. Mom is 95, has a few aches and

pains, has an excellent living situation with 24 hr. live-in help and is

miserable because she chooses to be miserable. There is nothing you can

do except reinforce your position when possible/necessary, reassure her

you will be there in appropriate ways for her and then move on. I find

that relinquishing prayer really helps. Images that work for me are

placing them in the arms of Jesus believing that He cares for them more

than I do. You might explore images that might work for you. I also

believe that the Holy Spirit works in chaos. This is a comforting idea

for me.

 

Hope this helps in some way.

 

Celeste

[Guest guest]

Hi Maureen,

 

Thanks for the compliment. Things aren't really that different but they

are finally coming together. The sofa and loveseat were delivered Friday

(green velvet) but the wingback chair isn't ready yet (a French tapestry

flower print). It's just a variation on a theme. There was more work

than change. Steve does everything but the wallpapering. I do that. I

really enjoy it but take it very slowly---just a few strips at a time.

It's far from perfect but I gave up trying to be a perfectionist a long

time ago. Life is too short. So far, I am happy with it. It's

especially good to have everything clean and fresh all at the same time.

The middle bedroom is the biggest change. I now have a real working

office.

 

Steve is so busy he only takes work within 20 minutes of home. He is a

real find---$35./hr but he works fast and the best part is that he does

everything and you don't have to call different people for different

jobs. I did receive an ad for Handyman Connections--- " low cost home

repairs and remodeling by retired craftsmen and other experts " that you

might be interested in. Their # is 847-202-3232 if you are interested.

 

I talked to Penny the other day. It's hard to feel punk when you are

home much less away. Hope she feels better soon.

 

The oil painting is fun as well as the Tai Chi. I really liked my first

attempt; my second attempt looks like paint-by-number I think; the third

one a little better and I'll finish the fourth one Monday. I'm a long

way from anyone wanting one---even for free---but it keeps me off the

streets.

 

Little things still remind me of John. I hadn't expected that. The big

things---his birthday, etc. I've handled pretty well---I guess I am

prepared for that but seeing something unexpectedly in the grocery store

that he would like triggers that he is gone---little things like that.

I've started giving away some things that the " boys " wouldn't be

interested in but not ready for anything else yet. The finality is

setting in slowly---glad it is slowly. I can still cry easily and then

move on which I am grateful for.

 

Lauri gave Dan a 39th " End of your Youth " party last night---it's fun to

be with and get to know his friends.

 

Talk to you later.

 

Celeste

[Guest guest]

Love Carolyn Myss, too---SO creative!

 

Celeste