dealing with hatred

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been going around and around with a problem for almost a

year now, and I can't quite get a handle on what I " m supposed to Do

about it, so was wondering if any of you would have some suggestions

for me.

I left a job about 15 months ago because I had to sit in one of

those tiny little cubicles ....the ones that aren't even as deep as

the desks.....3 feet from a woman who I absolutely could not stand.

It got so bad that even the sound of her voice bugged me to no end.

I'm an auditory person, and she had a girlish, giggly voice and

similar behavior...at the tender age of 46. I was offered what seemed

like a wonderful opportunity, to be trained for a higher position at

a new company, and I jumped at that, thinking I had just gotten an

incredibly lucky break.

Well, the woman I was hired to replace suddenly refused the

transfer, which put everything at the company in a bit of chaos.

Finally the upper management fired the administrative assistant and

put me in her position to await an opening in the managers position

that they had trained me for. I agreed to this because it was still a

paycheck, and they were treating me well. What has happened is that

the woman who I was hired to replace has tried to make it her mission

to try to get rid of me.....she's lied, manipulated, and gone to

quite some lengths. They haven't believed her, and I'm still here,

but I've developed the same kind of hatred for her that I had for the

other woman...I can't stand the sound of her, and it's increasingly

difficult for me to keep the " I hate her " tapes from chattering in my

head.

What I keep going round and round about is this: since I found

this situation at both jobs I'm afraid that if I find a new one it

will present itself again, so in a way I think that I'm supposed to

stick it out, but then I wonder if I'm perhaps not supposed to sit

and take the abuse and leave........and then, of course, there's the

idea that I'm supposed to take the abuse to try to learn the next to

impossible lesson of not to hate those who persecute you. What

complicates this situation is that my husband works for this company

as well, and this woman I can't stand is now the only other woman in

the office...but all of the men treat me very well, and I " m quite

happy working with Them. The boss who hired me, who was promoted, and

who still plans to eventually promote me, is someone I like, and who

likes me. I have alot to lose if I walk out on this job just because

of her. Recently she went so far as to get someone from another

company to call our supervisor and asked to hire me....and she told

the other company how much I was getting paid, which I believe is

illegal, but which is something that would be a " her word against

mine " kind of thing. When I turned the job offer down, she increased

her hostility towards me. Of course, the abuse is always done while

everyone else is out of the office to lunch or whatever, and so no

one witnesses it but me. If there was some sort of spell that I could

use to get rid of her I'd be using it.

I had pondered Caroline Myss's teaching that you should realize

that these awful people are a blessing because they show you the

parts of yourself that don't yet know the Light. Which is a concept

that I understand, but which still doesn't give any indication what

to do about it. OK, so I have a real problem tolerating people who

intentionally do things to cause me pain. Wouldn't that make me a

martyr for putting up with it? Nothing I say at work will change

that she's here, because they've been putting up with her abuse of

other women in the office (5 previous..they kept quitting) for three

years now, thinking that the job would be over and they could last

until then and wouldn't ever have to see her again (construction jobs

are finite).....however, the job keeps getting extended...now for

another two years....so now the men are settled in this, " she'll be

gone at the end of the job " mode. I " m supposed to get transferred

with the company when it's over, so I " m more of a long term employee

at this point. I'm not only supposed to get the higher position on

the next job, I " ve also been promised a raise.

I was able to calm myself down at one point when I realized

from what a couple of the men in the office said to me, that she has

already lost the war....they told me that I had changed the

atmosphere of the office completely, and that before I came they

almost hated to come into work because they knew they'd have to

listen to her screech at whichever other woman was working in the

office at the time. However, that still leaves me battling with my

intense hatred and desire to get even with her for her activities

against me.

I've only been back in the workforce for about 3 years after 17

years at home raising my kids.....so this is all probably " baby-do "

to those of you who have been working for the past 20 years....but to

me it's all new, and I don't know how to deal with it. I would be

grateful for any insights or suggestions anyone would care to share

with me! Renee

[Guest guest]

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been going around and around with a problem for almost a

> year now, and I can't quite get a handle on what I " m supposed to Do

> about it, so was wondering if any of you would have some

> suggestions for me.

Renee

 

Hi Renee,

I read your other post and noticed that you mentioned a family

history of borderline personality, me too. Here's a website that has

helpful information about personal boundaries, protecting yourself.

I hope it's ok to post it here.

 

(copy and paste)

http://www.joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

 

email me if you like.

[Guest guest]

The Lioness and Her Den.

 

Renee, the analogy I'm tuning into about your situation at work is similar to

how animals defend their perceived territory. Your co-worker is acting like

a Lioness defending her power in the den, which also speaks of an insecurity

challenge she's not facing. Though you're not posing any direct threat to her

delusion of power, your presence seems to be enough. By her pumping

negativity into your consciousness, she's created an entity through which she

gains

power over you. It is only through that prompter in your mind that she has any

connection to you, so that prompter needs to be objectified as " this is not

Renee, this is ____ creation manufacturing a shadow Renee through which _____

gains power over Renee. " She reinforces her vampirism over you when she uses

her

sly tactics to intimidate you. When utilizing those tactics, that's the

opportune time to disempower her by not standing down, but asking her WHY?

This

could get to the root of her campaign against you by exposing her reason/s.

Once you do that, you would have released the hold she has over you and

asserted yourself as no one to mess with. If this resonates with you, try it.

I

hope it helps. - Franke

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Renee,

 

Congratulations on doing a good job of describing your work situation. I'd

guess that a trait of thoroughness is one of the reasons that upper management

likes and appreciates you.

 

I'll offer up several possible solutions, and you can choose or reject them

as you wish.

 

SUGGESTION

First, going with the theme of this forum, I'll suggest that you check out

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). I've been learning about EFT for several

months now. I've got a bunch of CDs from Gary Craig that I'm watching and

learning

from. What EFT is, is too much to go into here, but you can read all about it

at Gary's site.

<A HREF= " http://www.emofree.com/ " >EFT - Gary Craig</A>

EFT is amazingly effective for a surprising number of conditions. You can

learn enough at Gary's site to try it out for yourself FREE. There's even a free

manual you can download. If you find that you need some assistance, there are

people who do consulting over the phone. I'm not to that point yet.

 

SUGGESTION

Over the period of the past decade I've come more and more to understand what

you might call a spiritual axiom: " That which we focus our attention on, we

bring more and more of into our lives. " I realize that, applied to your present

work situation, the THEORY is a lot easier to understand than it is to APPLY.

<G> Also, a person could reasonably ask the question, " Does that mean that

those other people in the office are attracting the same kind of stuff that I

am? " That would appear to be a sticky wicket of a question. Maybe I'd best leave

that for someone else to tackle. <G> But perhaps relating that axiom to what

you see _has been_ going on in your own life may help bring some awareness for

you.

 

Another simplified way that some spiritual teachers phrase the axiom I

mentioned above is, " We create our own reality. " Abraham talks in terms of the

vibrational pattern we broadcast and how " Like attracts like! " , with respect to

that vibrational pattern. But of course once again, creating a desirable

vibrational pattern is not quite as simple as turning on a light switch. Abraham

teaches that how you identify the right vibrational patterns is that you FEEL

GOOD

when you're in such a state.

 

SUGGESTION

I remember Dr. Forrest Shaklee decades ago saying that the body has an innate

intelligence to make excellent use of the nutrients it needs WHEN YOU PROVIDE

YOUR BODY THAT NUTRITION. Unfortunately, with the Standard American Diet

(SAD), it's very difficult to provide your body with what it needs. So I believe

in quality nutritional supplementation. Here's one short story from a lady who

was helped with an herb-based product called Luminex.

 

Sun, 3 Sep 2000 Connie

I have taken an antidepressant for my entire adult life and experienced

the side effects that they had to offer with the benefits. I was always trying

the newest, trying to find the perfect one. I tried plain St. John's wort, but

it didn't help me. When Luminex came out I wanted to try it because of the

added active ingredients the plain one didn't have and if it didn't work, I

could get my money back. It works BETTER than anything I ever tried. My mother

says she can really tell the difference, I am now downright " cheerful " . The only

side effect I notice is increased energy and perhaps a problem going to sleep.

I talked to a lady with Parkinson's disease, she takes 6 daily and says they

changed her life.

 

I (Richard back again) have long admired the ability of B complex vitamins to

help contribute to a positive mental state. So I'd suggest that any

supplement regimen include adequate B complex.

 

SUGGESTION - accumulate evidence

Since this lady appears to operate surreptitiously, you might consider

surreptitiously gathering evidence you could present to management. An example

would

be using a hidden tape recorder when an encounter takes place where only you

and she are present.

 

Another possibility would be to print a document that your other office

coworkers would concur with and have everybody sign it. Where the document would

simply say something along the lines of, " This (named) person is very disruptive

in the office and creates a very negative, unpleasant working environment. "

The present that document to management.

 

Rich in Minnesota

 

Sign at an Optometrist's Office: " If you don't see

what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. "

 

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[Guest guest]

people need love the most when they deserve it the least.