How to Live a Life that Truly Matters

[Guest guest]

I thought the following message I received from a friend in Panama was worth

sharing. Regarding the latter part of the message, the way I understand how

things work is that when a person carries unnecessary mental burdens, this can

manifest as undesirable physical problems.

 

Rich Putman in Minnesota USA

 

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

How to Live a Life that Truly Matters

Rabbi Harold S. Kushner

 

My teacher Abraham Joshua Heschel once said to me, " When I was young, I

admired clever people. As I grew old, I came to admire kind people. "

 

In today's fast-paced and highly competitive world, our souls are split. Part

of us wants simply to leave a mark on the world by winning fame and fortune.

But we also want to do good deeds.

 

Unfortunately, some things we do to satisfy our worldly ambitions conflict

with our desire to do good. As we grow older, we wonder what we have truly

achieved and whether we will leave the world a better place than we found it.

 

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

 

The institution of marriage has existed for thousands of years because it

satisfies the basic human need to know that someone else truly cares about us.

 

When couples live together without marriage and feel free to split up, they

cannot fail to get the message, " You can be replaced. " Marriage delivers a more

meaningful and satisfying message, " You matter to me more than anyone else in

the world. " It also lets you shape the lives of others -- your partner and

your children.

 

If we live according to the values we truly believe in, we have an

unparalleled opportunity to transmit those values. We can feel confident that we

have

made a demonstrable positive difference to the world.

 

Even people who never marry can be important figures and role models in the

lives of their siblings, nieces and nephews, neighbors, students and coworkers.

 

FRIENDSHIP

 

The uniquely human capacity for friendship extends our power to do good

beyond the family.

 

Relying on our spouses to satisfy all our emotional needs puts too great a

burden on our most intimate relationship. And we may damage our relationships

with our children if we expect them to meet our emotional needs at the expense

of their growing up to be who they need to be.

 

Cultivating friendships -- making ourselves important to people outside the

family -- enhances our sense of personal significance. Friendships are a way

for us to be recognized as unique individuals and to feel reassured that we are

appreciated for who we are.

 

When we are important in others' lives -- and as a result they are happier,

more secure and more likely to make the right choices -- it makes our lives

meaningful.

 

REVENGE, FORGIVENESS, JUSTICE

 

Sometimes, in our struggle to be good people, our problem is not to do right,

but to choose between two rights.

 

We face this dilemma when someone hurts us. Part of us wants to pay the

person back as he/she deserves. Another part makes us uncomfortable at the good

feeling produced by taking revenge. We do not want to feel good about hurting

another person, even if that person deserves it.

 

Forgiving someone who has harmed us removes the bitterness that accompanies

plotting revenge. Even if we simply fantasize about getting even without

actually putting our plots into action -- which is what most of us do -- we end

up

embittering ourselves without affecting the other person.

 

If we do carry out our vengeful schemes, it makes us feel that we have

lowered ourselves to the same level as our adversary. We think less of

ourselves,

and fear that other people think less of us, as well.

 

Forgiveness is important to living a meaningful life, not because it is

saintly, but because it is sensible. Life is too short and too precious to be

wasted on hatred.

 

Forgiveness does not mean that punishment is wrong. Society should punish

criminal wrongdoers, if only to protect potential victims from harm. Forgiveness

is a private virtue, but punishment through the legal system is a public

responsibility.

 

A few years ago, a woman who had been the victim of a brutal assault refused

to testify against her attacker. She had forgiven him. It was praiseworthy of

her to forgo the opportunity to get even with her attacker. But as a citizen,

she had a responsibility to contribute to the safety of her neighbors by

getting this dangerous man off the street.

 

HELPING OTHERS

 

One of the most effective ways we have to live a life that matters is to take

a supporting role in other people's lives.

 

In the book My Grandfather's Blessings(Penguin), Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen told

the story of George, a terminally ill cancer patient. A scientist who made a

fortune inventing medical devices, George had messed up his personal life,

estranging two former wives and several grown children.

 

He lamented, " What a fool I've been. All I cared about was making money, and

I'll end up leaving it all to people who don't even like me. "

 

Another patient was a young woman with a chronic condition that had been

successfully treated by one of George's devices. When the woman learned who

George was, she hosted an elegant party in his honor. All of her relatives who

had nursed her through her illness and seen her return to good health spoke of

the difference George's invention had made. He saw how the way he had helped

other people, even unknowingly, had made his life worthwhile.

 

The key to living a life that matters is to realize that we will leave the

world a better place only because of the work we have done, the kind acts we

have performed, the love we have given and received, and the people who will

remember us fondly and perpetuate our memory.