NEWS RELEASE.............healing with laughter

[Guest guest]

David Lindstedt

 

NEWS RELEASE.............

 

Citing the growing cost of running the Federal

government and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget

deficit,

President Bush announced today that he was laying off all 535

members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to a

legislative

support center in Bangalore, India.

 

" Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days, " said Bush at an

impromptu

news conference where he announced the decision, adding, " The

American

people want to see less government waste. Since every one of those

ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our

costs by

over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll

save

on

health insurance and retirement plans. "

 

Sources indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid

approximately

$250 per month. The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and

Representatives was swift . Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein

said,

" This is absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over

in

India run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee

hearings? " As she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office

Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers, Feinstein complained that

the

newly-terminated lawmakers were only given 10 minutes to clean out

their

desks and leave the building.

 

" I think it's a great idea, " said Vice President Dick Cheney,

speaking

from

a secure undisclosed location. " The American people were fed up with

that

expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't give the President

everything

he

asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much more cooperative

to

the

President, which is what we all want. "

 

Asked whether the outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney noted,

" That's

up to the Supreme Court to decide, but they never pay much attention

to

the

constitution anyway. To them it's a 'living document' that will be

different

every day. The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the

attention

they

are receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative

Support

Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra Shekhar

Gupta

told reporters, " The Indian people are very hard working and we will

do

our

best as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have

some

fun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers'

money

to

spend.

 

Former members of Congress will be given special consideration for

employment as vacancies occur in 7-11's, Dunkin Donuts, Motel 6, and

USA

Gas

stations as they open. " If you feel gratitude, then your day will be

worthwhile " , Maharji told them.

 

Patel Moderatz

 

 

 

 

 

 

" Government is not reason. Government is not eloquence. It is

force, and like fire it is a dangerous servant and a fearful

Master " --George Washington

 

" No man in this country is so high that he is above the law. No

officer of the law may set that law at defiance with impunity. All

the officers of the government, from the highest to the lowest, are

creatures of the law, and are bound to obey it. "

 

" Courts of justice are established, not only to decide upon the

controverted rights of the citizens as against each other, but also

upon rights in controversy between them and the government. "

 

" Under our system the people . . . are the sovereign. "

 

Justice Samuel F. Miller

Supreme Court of the United States

United States v. Lee 1882

[Guest guest]

Yes I saw this awhile ago---but back then it seemed like a joke.....grasshopper <k_t723 wrote:

David Lindstedt NEWS RELEASE.............Citing the growing cost of running the Federalgovernment and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budgetdeficit,President Bush announced today that he was laying off all 535members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to alegislativesupport center in Bangalore, India."Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptunews conference where he announced the decision, adding, "The Americanpeople want to see less government waste. Since every one of thoseex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs byover $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll saveonhealth insurance and retirement plans."Sources indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid

approximately$250 per month. The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators andRepresentatives was swift . Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said,"This is absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over inIndia run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committeehearings?" As she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate OfficeBuilding by U.S. Capitol Police officers, Feinstein complained that thenewly-terminated lawmakers were only given 10 minutes to clean out theirdesks and leave the building."I think it's a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney, speakingfroma secure undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with thatexpensive do-nothing Congress which didn't give the President everythingheasked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much more cooperative tothePresident, which is what we all want."Asked whether the

outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney noted,"That'sup to the Supreme Court to decide, but they never pay much attention totheconstitution anyway. To them it's a 'living document' that will bedifferentevery day. The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attentiontheyare receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative SupportCentre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra ShekharGuptatold reporters, "The Indian people are very hard working and we will doourbest as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have somefun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' moneytospend.Former members of Congress will be given special consideration foremployment as vacancies occur in 7-11's, Dunkin Donuts, Motel 6, and USAGasstations as they open. "If you feel gratitude, then your day will beworthwhile",

Maharji told them.Patel Moderatz"Government is not reason. Government is not eloquence. It is force, and like fire it is a dangerous servant and a fearful Master" --George Washington "No man in this country is so high that he is above the law. No officer of the law may set that law at defiance with impunity. All the officers of the government, from the highest to the lowest, are creatures of the law, and are bound to obey it.""Courts of justice are established, not only to decide upon the controverted rights of the citizens as against each other, but also upon rights in controversy between them and the government.""Under our system the people . . . are the sovereign."Justice Samuel F. MillerSupreme Court of the United StatesUnited States v. Lee

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