Reason for New file uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

[Guest guest]

, Marquita

<ketta54> wrote:

> Thank You very much for your kind help. ML

 

Hi group,

 

The REASON I submitted " Get Your Energies HUMMINGS " ad, is so you

could help re-write the ad!

 

So, what are the benefits of her ad?

 

What is she missing?

 

What would you do for the reader's motivation?

 

Sincerely,

 

[Guest guest]

I thought that was it.

 

First I'd change the font so we can read it.

 

Linda

 

--- docspeed2001 <docspeed2001 wrote:

> --- In

> ,

> Marquita

> <ketta54> wrote:

> > Thank You very much for your kind help. ML

>

> Hi group,

>

> The REASON I submitted " Get Your Energies HUMMINGS "

> ad, is so you

> could help re-write the ad!

>

> So, what are the benefits of her ad?

>

> What is she missing?

>

> What would you do for the reader's motivation?

>

> Sincerely,

>

>

>

>

 

---> http://www.geocities.com/plopnin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/17/05 5:42:38 PM, phil writes:

 

 

'Sick and tired of feeling sick

and tired? Cold deep into it's third month? Feel drained, foggy, tired

and unable to concentrate? Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a

broken down old bum? Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very

bones as you contemplate another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

 

And then attach the pleasure...

 

'Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley Can Cure All Your Problems but

I do know that you'll find that her simple, powerful exercises will

put a gleam in your eye and a spring in your step. Imagine shaking off

persistent colds and feeling healthy, youthful, vigorous and alive...'

 

 

 

I actually have some similar thoughts in my brochure for coaching people

with chronic disability/illness. It's a separate handout/flier.

 

 

 

www.coachdrgridley.com

[Guest guest]

, " docspeed2001 "

<docspeed2001> wrote:

> , Marquita

> <ketta54> wrote:

> > Thank You very much for your kind help. ML

>

> Hi group,

>

> The REASON I submitted " Get Your Energies HUMMINGS " ad, is so you

> could help re-write the ad!

 

Glad to.

 

Most of what I know comes from those marketing seminars of Doc's I've

attended. I would also highly recommend 'Testing Advertising Methods'

by John Caples and 'The Ultimate Sales Letter' by Dan Kennedy. Both

have step-by-step formulae for writing ad copy.

 

> So, what are the benefits of her ad?

 

I personally would make more of the benefits which can be found in

Donna's introduction to the five minute routine in Energy Medicine.

These include greater vitality, a strengthened immune system, greater

resistance to colds etc etc.

 

Your ad must answer the question 'what's in it for me if I attend this

class?' No-one cares about what energy medicine is or it's theoretical

background at first. They are only interested in how it will benefit them.

 

> What is she missing?

 

A benefit-driven headline. I would replace 'Get your energies humming'

with 'Who else wants to beat stress and feel like a million dollars?'

or something.

 

Case in point. I was at a conference recently. The speaker before me

gave a talk entitled 'ear acupuncture for addictions'. Total

attendance, about ten people. My following talk was entitled

'Emotional Freedom Techniques: How ancient chinese secrets can double

your happiness' Total attendance, about twenty two people.

 

Also need a good call to action. Currently we have:

 

'Please join us for these workshops where YOU will learn the methods

you need so you can make your own energies hum. Please call

813-909-9590 to register so there will be enough handouts (although

you may attend if you just show up)'

 

Instead it should read:

 

'Run, don't walk, to the nearest phone to reserve one of the very

limited places at this unique workshop or you will spend the rest of

your short, brutal life painfully lamenting your failure as your

miseries multiple tenfold as a direct result of your laziness and

inaction.'

 

Maybe that's a little strong but that's the spirit...

 

Make them feel like they've got a rare, limited opportunity to get

something good and they'll really be missing out if they don't sign up

today.

 

> What would you do for the reader's motivation?

 

Propulsion system. Build up the pain - 'Sick and tired of feeling sick

and tired? Cold deep into it's third month? Feel drained, foggy, tired

and unable to concentrate? Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a

broken down old bum? Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very

bones as you contemplate another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

 

And then attach the pleasure...

 

'Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley Can Cure All Your Problems but

I do know that you'll find that her simple, powerful exercises will

put a gleam in your eye and a spring in your step. Imagine shaking off

persistent colds and feeling healthy, youthful, vigorous and alive...'

 

etc etc etc.

 

And then channel that into a time-limited call-to-action:

 

'There are only a handful of places at each workshop, to ensure you

get the secrets you need to feel great, call 1-800-VIBRANT today.

First six callers get a free copy of Coach Gridley's special report

'How energy medicine can help you make a million dollars while getting

laid twice as often''

 

That's what I'd do, be interested in anyone else's take.

 

Phil

[Guest guest]

Okay - I'll jump in here with some suggestions -

 

Is this a flyer - or a newspaper ad?

 

Is this a beginner's class or meant for a sophisticated audience? (for

Tampa FL? - no city or state on the ad)

 

Shouldn't people buy the entire 3 classes? What if a novice walks into

the last class without having attended the other two?

 

I'll assume this is a 'fishing' ad -- to see what kind of people will

be interested in energy work and if there are enough people interested

in continuing the classes as an ongoing offering.

 

And, I'll assume that your potential clients feel a lack of energy or

feel burnt out from their jobs or demanding life (otherwise - they're

on their way to a salsa class!)

So, assuming that ....

 

 

First, there is too much information - and a bit too confusing. I had

to read it a few time to fully get clear (which could be my

problem....) This type of person is hungering for clarity and info has

to be clear and laid out well.

 

Second , I don't see a clear customer benefit proposition (what

transformation they stand to attain by taking your class) - the info

has to be reorganized.

 

Third - the typesetting and information design needs to be changed ( it

is actually 'clogging' rather than offering clarity. Sorry - aesthetic

lunatic here!! I'm a designer....) The man who designed the font used

(Zapf Chancery)--- the 94 year old Herman Zapf

http://www.linotype.com/7-645-7/hermannzapf.html --- says that his

greatest sorrow is that MicroSoft includes Zapf Chancery font on its

operating systems. For example - it is a typographical sin to use all

capital letters in Zapf Chancery. So, instead I recommend Papyrus or

Skia which are good energy medicine fonts.

http://www.myfonts.com/fonts/cartercone/skia-cc/

http://www.myfonts.com/fonts/letraset/papyrus/

 

Or - many of the fonts from P22 - they've digitalized famous artists'

handwriting and have great prices:

http://www.myfonts.com/foundry/p22/

 

You may think that design is not important at all -- and for some

people you are right. But, that is why advertising is a multi-billion

dollar industry.

 

I can help re-write but will need a bit more info about the kind of

people you want to reach. You can contact me offlist, if you want

 

 

Helen Driscoll

 

 

On May 16, 2005, at 7:17 PM, docspeed2001 wrote:

 

>

>

> The REASON I submitted " Get Your Energies HUMMINGS " ad, is so you

> could help re-write the ad!

>

> So, what are the benefits of her ad?

>

> What is she missing?

>

> What would you do for the reader's motivation?

>

> Sincerely,

>

 

[Guest guest]

I would consider VERY strongly using Phil's idea, if not the exact languaging on

the part of " Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley can Cure All Your Problems

but... "

 

That means that up front, you are NOT promising to fix all their problems, yet

when they read it, they process it as meaning " almost all " or " all " . Most

people don't want ALL of their problems fixed; just the ones that are annoying

or in the way or keeping them from going where they want to go.

 

Anyways, the language pattern " I'm not saying XXX can Cure All Your Problems

but... " implies that they will get all their problems (or at least the ones they

care about) fixed if they do what you tell them to do. And they CAN'T say you

didn't give them their money's worth, because you said, from the get-go in your

ad copy that you can't cure all their problems.

 

" I'm not saying XXX... " is a " weasel phrase " or a softener, so you are not

really making outrageous promises to them, but they read that, and they start to

think of how nice it would be to have those problems (that you didn't promise to

take care of!) taken care of, and they associate it with you. Which actually

MOTIVATES them to DO something.

 

When you give someone who is proactive a good plan to work with, they will

figure out how to fix their problems. They just need a little help to know what

to do.

 

You might want to throw in some more qualifiers to sort for proactive people so

that you don't have to hold them by the hand and babysit them every step of the

way. Unless that's the kind of target market you want. Dan Kennedy makes

shitloads of cash from his templates that guarantee that all the person has to

do is fill in the blanks with their product / widget.

 

Notice that Doc's seminars are small for the purpose of teaching, and also

notice that he sorts for people who do the damn drills.

 

Just depends on what kind of customers you want.

 

Some of the things Doc uses in his ads include: " Even we can't multiply zeros. "

(You got to do the drills if you want this to work for you.) " This is not a

magic bullet. " (Meaning you got to get off your ass and do something with the

information. Also, see previous comment about the way people read it, so you

can still make MONEY off of the lazy bastards if you want to when you go to sell

the home study course from the audio / video. You probably don't want them in

your seminar, though, because they won't do the drills and calibrate what they

should have learned, and they won't give decent testimonials because if they

don't use it, they'll never know how good the information is.)

 

Have fun!

 

Jim

P.S. Have you considered charging more for the class?

 

 

coachdrgridley

May 17, 2005 7:34 PM

 

Re: Re: Reason for New file uploaded

is for analisis of the advertising!

 

 

In a message dated 5/17/05 5:42:38 PM, phil writes:

 

 

> 'Sick and tired of feeling sick

> and tired? Cold deep into it's third month? Feel drained, foggy, tired

> and unable to concentrate? Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a

> broken down old bum? Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very

> bones as you contemplate another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

>

> And then attach the pleasure...

>

> 'Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley Can Cure All Your Problems but

> I do know that you'll find that her simple, powerful exercises will

> put a gleam in your eye and a spring in your step. Imagine shaking off

> persistent colds and feeling healthy, youthful, vigorous and alive...'

>

>

 

I actually have some similar thoughts in my brochure for coaching people

with chronic disability/illness. It's a separate handout/flier.

 

 

 

www.coachdrgridley.com

[Guest guest]

>'Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired?

Cold deep into it's third month?

Feel drained, foggy, tired and unable to concentrate?

Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a broken down old bum?

Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very bones as you contemplate another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

------

..

Coach/Phil:

Good try but, breaking an NLP basic.

By Leading with imagined content, you may think you are gaining rapport with the target market but what you are really doing is DISQUALIFYING those you don't hit dead on.

You want to evoke, not provoke.

Take a similar approach using clean language.

An example of "clean language" use is not to ask "Is it Red?" or even "What color is it" until you ask "Does it have a color"

Here's an interview with David Grove, the originator of the Clean language approach to NLP.

 

http://www.devco.demon.co.uk/interview.html

 

Let them "fill in the blanks" with their specific discomfort.

We don'rt want to suggest any Negatives thay don't already have and we don't want them to think the target is for someone else.

You'll never come close to guessing what their specific problem is but if invited they'll be only too glad to supply it.

eg.

*****************************

What's your problem?"

 

"Do you want to fix it?"

 

If you do, Coach Gridley Can Cure Your Problem,

if you are willing to perservere.

Take the First step to begin change NOW.

Or stay where you are in your own misery.

It's your choice.

To Choose YES, Click HERE.

*************************************

On the other hand if you prefer Hard sell, hire Rusty to write your copy:)

rusty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

coachdrgridley

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 5:34 PM

Re: Re: Reason for New file uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

In a message dated 5/17/05 5:42:38 PM, phil writes:

'Sick and tired of feeling sickand tired? Cold deep into it's third month? Feel drained, foggy, tiredand unable to concentrate? Do you sag out of bed in the morning like abroken down old bum? Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your verybones as you contemplate another draining day of stress and fatigue?'And then attach the pleasure...'Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley Can Cure All Your Problems butI do know that you'll find that her simple, powerful exercises willput a gleam in your eye and a spring in your step. Imagine shaking offpersistent colds and feeling healthy, youthful, vigorous and alive...'I actually have some similar thoughts in my brochure for coaching peoplewith chronic disability/illness. It's a separate handout/flier.www.coachdrgridley.com

[Guest guest]

Hi

 

Here are a few suggestions (not at all a complete ad of course, just something that perhaps could

be of use together with some of the other great suggestions that have been offered):

 

"Can you imagine getting up in the morning absolutely vibrating, full of energy, full of joy?

Can you imagine how it would feel to have peace of mind like a quiet and tranquil lake?

Can you imagine just how good you would feel?

 

Imagine 10 years into the future where people around you are more stressed than ever,

but not you. You still have that quiet inner peace and that exuberant health because you have consistently

done the simple 5 minute energy routine. Act now and you can forever look back on today as

the day that you got started on your path of vibrant health and inner peace!"

 

Does it work at all? I've more or less never written an ad before, so any feedback would be appreciated!

 

Thanks

 

John

 

 

 

 

 

 

GET YOUR ENERGIES HUMMING

With the 5-minute energy routine!

 

MONDAYS MAY 9, JUNE 13 AND JULY 11, from 7-9 PM

 

Keeping your body’s subtle energies flowing properly is crucial to good health and peace of mind. Just as the blood vessels carry blood and the nerves conduct electrical impulses, there are also subtle energies, called chi, qi or ki in the East. Acupuncture and acupressure are based on working with these energies. If you have ever taken tai chi, aikido, or qigong, to name a few, you were working with regulating the energies of chi. Yoga also balances your energies.

 

In this introduction to the study of Energy Medicine/Psychology, you will learn a

5-minute energy routine you can do daily to improve your health and keep your energies humming! If we have time after the 5-minute routine has been taught in these classes, we will move on to a 30 minute routine and to lymph and/or neurovascular exercises. The classes will be highly interactive and will follow participants’ interests rather than a rigid syllabus. We will have goals, but we will be flexible. Energy Medicine and Energy Psychology involve working with the meridians used in Oriental Medicine, but also with neurovascular points, the lymphatic system and other energetic systems that will be taught in the future.

 

Please join us for these workshops where YOU will learn the methods you need so you can make your own energies hum.

 

-

docspeed2001

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 4:17 AM

Reason for New file uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

, Marquita <ketta54> wrote:> Thank You very much for your kind help. MLHi group,The REASON I submitted "Get Your Energies HUMMINGS" ad, is so you could help re-write the ad!So, what are the benefits of her ad?What is she missing?What would you do for the reader's motivation?Sincerely,

[Guest guest]

Well, if they don't have bullets with specific problems that can have solutions,

the advertisement will not be motivating for them.

 

It's the difference between " a book has been written that lists various ways to

get more enjoyment out of life " and " Man, I got to tell you, I just read this

book that shows you how to have 50% more energy in bed, your erections are

harder and last longer, and women will line up to get their share of the

goodies! Let me tell you about it: ... "

 

So, yeah, you just " disqualified " the people who don't want a better sex life,

but then again, who cares? You'll make $6 million bucks off of the people who

DO reply.

 

Same with other types of markets. General does not sell as well as specific.

Hit them hard with lots of bullets of what they can expect to get, and when you

have 50 bullets in two columns of 25 each column, you are for shit sure going to

get most people with at least 3 or 4 of the results that THEY want to have.

 

I swear, when Doc used to send me his martial arts ads, I would get those

things, and I would DROOL over the bullet points, those SPECIFIC bullet points,

and I would have myself sold on the product multiple times before the office

even opened the next morning for me to be able to order.

 

By the time the mailman got here with the package, I was ready to hump the guy's

leg for bringing me my videos. (just kidding... You get my point.)

 

We had an example of " general " ad copy awhile back on the Mindmastery list. I

don't know if Doc still has that post on there or not, but it didn't have ANY of

the punch to it that his normal ads have. It was a jolly good post, mind you,

where he talks about this book that has been written to address the various

needs that people might have to help them perhaps get more enjoyment out of

life.

 

I know what you mean about ambiguity, but that is in one context. When you KNOW

your target market, and you know what they are hungry for, you are much better

off to hit them where it counts and go right for the jugular.

 

I'm only telling you what grabs me by the balls and makes me dish out money I

didn't even know I had. And Mr. X seems to agree in his book (that you can get

from Doc).

 

The ambiguity pattern is to put someone in a trance where they talk to

themselves about what it is you want them to think about, and they attach their

own thoughts to it, but the specific, hard-hitting, KICK ASS, and take their

name, address, and credit card number ad copy puts them in a trance ANYWAYS with

the isomorphic stories about how Average Joe from Boise, Idaho was able to do X,

Y, & Z, and by God, if he can do it, so can anybody else with the intelligence

of at least a 7th grader.

 

And when people DROOL over the examples you give in your ad copy, that you back

up with testimonials and real-life stories, they will sell themselves on that

product anyways, at least if they are in the target market. And if they're not

in the target market who cares? Trying to sell to someone who doesn't need the

product is just bad news anyways.

 

Sorry to " disagree " .

 

Just my opinion based on what makes me fork over my money.

 

Have fun,

Jim

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" L.Win " <lwinmorgan

May 18, 2005 4:04 AM

 

Re: Re: Reason for New file uploaded

is for analisis of the advertising!

 

>'Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired?

Cold deep into it's third month?

Feel drained, foggy, tired and unable to concentrate?

Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a broken down old bum?

Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very bones as you contemplate

another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

------

..

Coach/Phil:

Good try but, breaking an NLP basic.

By Leading with imagined content, you may think you are gaining rapport with

the target market but what you are really doing is DISQUALIFYING those you

don't hit dead on.

You want to evoke, not provoke.

Take a similar approach using clean language.

An example of " clean language " use is not to ask " Is it Red? " or even " What

color is it " until you ask " Does it have a color "

Here's an interview with David Grove, the originator of the Clean language

approach to NLP.

 

http://www.devco.demon.co.uk/interview.html

 

Let them " fill in the blanks " with their specific discomfort.

We don'rt want to suggest any Negatives thay don't already have and we don't

want them to think the target is for someone else.

You'll never come close to guessing what their specific problem is but if

invited they'll be only too glad to supply it.

eg.

*****************************

What's your problem? "

 

" Do you want to fix it? "

 

If you do, Coach Gridley Can Cure Your Problem,

if you are willing to perservere.

Take the First step to begin change NOW.

Or stay where you are in your own misery.

It's your choice.

To Choose YES, Click HERE.

*************************************

On the other hand if you prefer Hard sell, hire Rusty to write your copy:)

rusty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

coachdrgridley

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 5:34 PM

Re: Re: Reason for New file

uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

 

 

 

In a message dated 5/17/05 5:42:38 PM, phil writes:

 

 

 

'Sick and tired of feeling sick

and tired? Cold deep into it's third month? Feel drained, foggy, tired

and unable to concentrate? Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a

broken down old bum? Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very

bones as you contemplate another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

 

And then attach the pleasure...

 

'Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley Can Cure All Your Problems but

I do know that you'll find that her simple, powerful exercises will

put a gleam in your eye and a spring in your step. Imagine shaking off

persistent colds and feeling healthy, youthful, vigorous and alive...'

 

 

 

 

I actually have some similar thoughts in my brochure for coaching people

with chronic disability/illness. It's a separate handout/flier.

 

 

 

www.coachdrgridley.com

[Guest guest]

Hi Phil,

 

These are very good points.

 

I like them. And I believe the formula (and this is from memory) was

something like:

 

HEADLINE (wiifm!) (What's In It For ME!)

 

Agitate, agitate, agitate!

 

Solution.

 

Agitate, agitate!

 

Solution.

 

Solution, solution!

 

Agitate!

 

Solution. (Where the solution is where and HOW MUCH, and why $197 is

an incredibly good deal, but if you ACT NOW, the first 12 people can

get in for only $97! But this deal is only good until TOMORROW!)

 

Of course there is much, much more...

 

Heh...

 

This can be done conversationally too, with the ability to speed read

your vict-- er-- client as the conversation progresses. (Sorry, that

just slipped out.)

 

All the best,

 

-Mark

 

 

healingenergies-

essentialskills , " phillipmattingly " <phil@p...> wrote:

> healingenergies-

essentialskills , " docspeed2001 "

> <docspeed2001> wrote:

 

> > The REASON I submitted " Get Your Energies HUMMINGS " ad, is so you

> > could help re-write the ad!

>

> Glad to.

>

> Most of what I know comes from those marketing seminars of Doc's

I've

> attended. I would also highly recommend 'Testing Advertising

Methods'

> by John Caples and 'The Ultimate Sales Letter' by Dan Kennedy. Both

> have step-by-step formulae for writing ad copy.

>

> > So, what are the benefits of her ad?

>

> I personally would make more of the benefits which can be found in

> Donna's introduction to the five minute routine in Energy Medicine.

> These include greater vitality, a strengthened immune system,

greater

> resistance to colds etc etc.

>

> Your ad must answer the question 'what's in it for me if I attend

this

> class?' No-one cares about what energy medicine is or it's

theoretical

> background at first. They are only interested in how it will

benefit them.

 

********snip***********

 

> 'Run, don't walk, to the nearest phone to reserve one of the very

> limited places at this unique workshop or you will spend the rest of

> your short, brutal life painfully lamenting your failure as your

> miseries multiple tenfold as a direct result of your laziness and

> inaction.'

>

> Maybe that's a little strong but that's the spirit...

>

> Make them feel like they've got a rare, limited opportunity to get

> something good and they'll really be missing out if they don't sign

up

> today.

>

> > What would you do for the reader's motivation?

>

> Propulsion system. Build up the pain - 'Sick and tired of feeling

sick> and tired? Cold deep into it's third month? Feel drained,

foggy, tired> and unable to concentrate? Do you sag out of bed in the

morning like a> broken down old bum? Does a deep, aching weariness

penetrate your very> bones as you contemplate another draining day of

stress and fatigue?'

>

> And then attach the pleasure...

>

> 'Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley Can Cure All Your Problems

but> I do know that you'll find that her simple, powerful exercises

will> put a gleam in your eye and a spring in your step. Imagine

shaking off> persistent colds and feeling healthy, youthful, vigorous

and alive...'

>

> etc etc etc.

>

> And then channel that into a time-limited call-to-action:

>

> 'There are only a handful of places at each workshop, to ensure you

> get the secrets you need to feel great, call 1-800-VIBRANT today.

> First six callers get a free copy of Coach Gridley's special report

> 'How energy medicine can help you make a million dollars while

getting

> laid twice as often''

>

> That's what I'd do, be interested in anyone else's take.

>

> Phil

[Guest guest]

Huh, I wrote my last post while still reading about nine posts back.

So I was covering stuff that has since been covered.

 

Jims last post shows an exellent command of the Agitate, Agitate,

Agitate, Solution drill. I'd recommend going back and re-reading his

post.

 

GOOD STUFF!

 

Also, on another subject, unless you are casting a very wide net for

the purpose of doing an advanced class upsell, RAISE YOUR PRICES!

This will install VALUE! As well as filter for better clients. Good

ad copy will take care of who and how many people will be drooling to

attend your classes.

 

Jim showed how to target specific (Those who will do the drills and

who you really want to attend!) people.

 

A long time ago I was working too much and too hard and not making

anywhere enough money. SO I raised my prices AND started to turn

people down. Guess what happened?

 

I got MORE WORK! And from another class of people who HAD MONEY! And

WANTED TO SPEND IT!

 

I still slap my forehead at that one. HAH! And I'm doing it again NOW!

 

All the best,

 

-Mark

 

 

, " Mark Holt "

<severian6@h...> wrote:

>>

> HEADLINE (wiifm!) (What's In It For ME!)

>

> Agitate, agitate, agitate!

>

> Solution.

>

> Agitate, agitate!

>

> Solution.

>

> Solution, solution!

>

> Agitate!

>

> Solution.

[Guest guest]

There are too many of you to thank individually for your input. I am going

to be away from the computer for a couple weeks, so please don't think

I'm not responsive if you don't hear much from me. (I'll try to get online

a little, but I won't be able to keep up with THIS group)

The price is set by the church this time. I agree I need to charge more, and

so do they. This is my test class. The one that goes on the (verbal or

written) resume that I shop out to other, more profitable venues. It is printed

on colored paper.

 

 

>dstbod wrote: "Do you worry about getting breast cancer?  Maybe you worry about

your loved ones getting this disease?  Are you hearing more and more

people are getting this potentially fatal disease?"

 

Here's what's on my flier for Caregivers of the chronically ill:

 

Are you having sleepless nights worrying?

Have you lost hope that your circumstances can improve?

Are you or a loved one living with a long-term health challenge?

Are you a caregiver with no time or support for your own needs?

Are you housebound—missing the emotional support of friends and family?

Are you feeling emotionally isolated since you or your loved one’s illness has limited your lifestyle?

Do your only times away from home seem to be spent in doctor’s offices, drug stores or health food/vitamin stores?

 

If you answered YES to even one of these questions, I can help. 

I have another similar bullet list for the "patients"

 

I think that's more like some of you are suggesting, but I also see now that I can

punch it up even more.

 

I have really consciously tried to avoid making these about ME. But I thought a little

credentialing was helpful. On the flier for doctor's who will refer to me, I've tried

to make it ALL about them. WIIFM. But, I've found that many won't take the time

to go to the web site, check out the details, so I've tried to put enough on the flier.

On one side (so far).

Being from a mental health background where everything is written in passive mood

and where the wording is "eschew obfuscation" rather than "write clearly," I'm amazed

I can get a sentence out at all any more.....

I'll be checking on your posts while I'm away, but not able to spend as much time.

Thanks, all. BTW, I consider being the goat an honor. I'm learning a lot.

Sue

 

 

 

www.coachdrgridley.com

[Guest guest]

>General does not sell as well as specific.

-

Jim/doc. et all:

 

You guys are right of course,. and as soon as I read your posts, I

realized that my critique was off the mark so then in introspection I began

to focus in on what stimulated my immediate rejection of the addenum to the

copy and to the original copy.

I looked back into my past to recall what SOLD ME on any significant

purchase I made and how that differed from this project. MY first reaction

to the opening of the addenum was, " Well, that let's me out " but I realize

in retrospect, I'm not the target market.

Then I thought, " If I were the target, what would pull me in? "

 

My life changing Purchases have been in response to SIMPLE Statements;

those " Bullets " that offered possibilities to me.

In the seventies after having survived my hippy experiments I began the

higher consiousness search and in a bookstore one simple title jumped out

and me and I grabbed it, read it and spent a month in Berkeley training with

the author, and that was Ken Keyes jr.'s, " Handbook to Higher

Consciousness " , 3 words that started the process.

Later in life I founds my chosen pathway by two words that weren't even In

English but when I read the translation, I immediately thought, " This has

possibilities! " And that was " Supreme Ultimate " [tai chi].

 

More recently I reached for another book and again it was a two word title

which pulled me. I bought it and then followed up by buying videos ,

" Energy Medicine " .

 

So what's the common denominator?

KISS.

Keep it Simple, Stupid.

 

So Therefore my rejection of the present copy would be:

At First glace I did not even see words, I saw CLUTTER [way too much

content shoved into my face] and moved on immediately.

 

The addenum missed the mark on the first line so I moved on.

 

Thanks guys for pointing out what should have been obvious to me.

 

Sung

rusty

 

 

-

" James R. Knippenberg " <erommel

 

Wednesday, May 18, 2005 2:42 AM

Re: Re: Reason for New file

uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

 

 

>

> Well, if they don't have bullets with specific problems that can have

solutions, the advertisement will not be motivating for them.

>

> It's the difference between " a book has been written that lists various

ways to get more enjoyment out of life " and " Man, I got to tell you, I just

read this book that shows you how to have 50% more energy in bed, your

erections are harder and last longer, and women will line up to get their

share of the goodies! Let me tell you about it: ... "

>

> So, yeah, you just " disqualified " the people who don't want a better sex

life, but then again, who cares? You'll make $6 million bucks off of the

people who DO reply.

>

> Same with other types of markets. General does not sell as well as

specific. Hit them hard with lots of bullets of what they can expect to

get, and when you have 50 bullets in two columns of 25 each column, you are

for shit sure going to get most people with at least 3 or 4 of the results

that THEY want to have.

>

> I swear, when Doc used to send me his martial arts ads, I would get those

things, and I would DROOL over the bullet points, those SPECIFIC bullet

points, and I would have myself sold on the product multiple times before

the office even opened the next morning for me to be able to order.

>

> By the time the mailman got here with the package, I was ready to hump the

guy's leg for bringing me my videos. (just kidding... You get my point.)

>

> We had an example of " general " ad copy awhile back on the Mindmastery

list. I don't know if Doc still has that post on there or not, but it

didn't have ANY of the punch to it that his normal ads have. It was a jolly

good post, mind you, where he talks about this book that has been written to

address the various needs that people might have to help them perhaps get

more enjoyment out of life.

>

> I know what you mean about ambiguity, but that is in one context. When

you KNOW your target market, and you know what they are hungry for, you are

much better off to hit them where it counts and go right for the jugular.

>

> I'm only telling you what grabs me by the balls and makes me dish out

money I didn't even know I had. And Mr. X seems to agree in his book (that

you can get from Doc).

>

> The ambiguity pattern is to put someone in a trance where they talk to

themselves about what it is you want them to think about, and they attach

their own thoughts to it, but the specific, hard-hitting, KICK ASS, and take

their name, address, and credit card number ad copy puts them in a trance

ANYWAYS with the isomorphic stories about how Average Joe from Boise, Idaho

was able to do X, Y, & Z, and by God, if he can do it, so can anybody else

with the intelligence of at least a 7th grader.

>

> And when people DROOL over the examples you give in your ad copy, that you

back up with testimonials and real-life stories, they will sell themselves

on that product anyways, at least if they are in the target market. And if

they're not in the target market who cares? Trying to sell to someone who

doesn't need the product is just bad news anyways.

>

> Sorry to " disagree " .

>

> Just my opinion based on what makes me fork over my money.

>

> Have fun,

> Jim

 

> " L.Win " <lwinmorgan

> May 18, 2005 4:04 AM

>

> Re: Re: Reason for New file

uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

>

> >'Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired?

> Cold deep into it's third month?

> Feel drained, foggy, tired and unable to concentrate?

> Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a broken down old bum?

> Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very bones as you contemplate

another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

> ------

> .

> Coach/Phil:

> Good try but, breaking an NLP basic.

> By Leading with imagined content, you may think you are gaining rapport

with the target market but what you are really doing is DISQUALIFYING those

you don't hit dead on.

> You want to evoke, not provoke.

> Take a similar approach using clean language.

> An example of " clean language " use is not to ask " Is it Red? " or even

" What color is it " until you ask " Does it have a color "

> Here's an interview with David Grove, the originator of the Clean language

approach to NLP.

>

> http://www.devco.demon.co.uk/interview.html

>

> Let them " fill in the blanks " with their specific discomfort.

> We don'rt want to suggest any Negatives thay don't already have and we

don't want them to think the target is for someone else.

> You'll never come close to guessing what their specific problem is but if

invited they'll be only too glad to supply it.

> eg.

> *****************************

> What's your problem? "

>

> " Do you want to fix it? "

>

> If you do, Coach Gridley Can Cure Your Problem,

> if you are willing to perservere.

> Take the First step to begin change NOW.

> Or stay where you are in your own misery.

> It's your choice.

> To Choose YES, Click HERE.

> *************************************

> On the other hand if you prefer Hard sell, hire Rusty to write your

copy:)

> rusty

>

>

>

>

-

> coachdrgridley

>

> Tuesday, May 17, 2005 5:34 PM

> Re: Re: Reason for New file

uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

>

>

>

> In a message dated 5/17/05 5:42:38 PM, phil writes:

>

>

>

> 'Sick and tired of feeling sick

> and tired? Cold deep into it's third month? Feel drained, foggy, tired

> and unable to concentrate? Do you sag out of bed in the morning like a

> broken down old bum? Does a deep, aching weariness penetrate your very

> bones as you contemplate another draining day of stress and fatigue?'

>

> And then attach the pleasure...

>

> 'Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley Can Cure All Your Problems but

> I do know that you'll find that her simple, powerful exercises will

> put a gleam in your eye and a spring in your step. Imagine shaking off

> persistent colds and feeling healthy, youthful, vigorous and alive...'

>

>

>

>

> I actually have some similar thoughts in my brochure for coaching people

> with chronic disability/illness. It's a separate handout/flier.

>

>

>

> www.coachdrgridley.com

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

 

I know for me, that when I read sales copy, a great away from

headline will pull me in, better than a huggy feely one ever would.

Like those headlines, which contain statistics, " Surgeon General

announces that 1 in 3 women over 35 get breast cancer " (BTW this is

a made up figure). Sub head - Learn a cutting edge system that you

can do in the comfort of your own home, which will keep you and your

love ones healthy and ALIVE! Or " And this figure is rising daily!!! "

 

The first paragraph should agitate the problem.

 

Such as:

 

Do you worry about getting breast cancer? Maybe you worry about

your loved ones getting this disease? Are you hearing more and more

people are getting this potentially fatal disease?

 

** agitate the problem some more in the second paragraph

 

In the third paragraph you come to the rescue with a solution -

Superman\girl etc.....

 

Describe how great it is, benefits for them, and back it up plenty

of testimonials - which should be laid out in a way that will

overcome your future client's objections.

 

Then put in something about this class is filling up fast so hurry

now - and even give a discount to all who sign up early.

 

A story will come across great, how someone else had Breast cancer

then they did XYZ and boom, cured, healthy, better than before.

 

Things to consider adding - Sub heads, Highlighting, bolding, using

that font that looks like hand writing, Colour, even having a rubber

stamp in red ink which details the deadline date for the early sign

up offer.

 

Think about getting a web site, which goes into much more detail

than you can put on your sales copy.

 

Great marketing books I have are from Dan Kennedy, Victor Schwab,

John Carlton, Joe Vitale, that's enough for now.....there is more

than enough there to keep you busy.

 

Michael.

 

 

healingenergies-

essentialskills , " docspeed2001 " <docspeed2001>

wrote:

> , Marquita

> <ketta54> wrote:

> > Thank You very much for your kind help. ML

>

> Hi group,

>

> The REASON I submitted " Get Your Energies HUMMINGS " ad, is so you

> could help re-write the ad!

>

> So, what are the benefits of her ad?

>

> What is she missing?

>

> What would you do for the reader's motivation?

>

> Sincerely,

>

[Guest guest]

, " Mark Holt "

<severian6@h...> wrote:

> Hi Phil,

>

> These are very good points.

>

> I like them. And I believe the formula (and this is from memory)

was

> something like:

>

> HEADLINE (wiifm!) (What's In It For ME!)

>

> Agitate, agitate, agitate!

>

> Solution.

>

> Agitate, agitate!

>

> Solution.

>

> Solution, solution!

>

> Agitate!

>

> Solution. (Where the solution is where and HOW MUCH, and why $197

is

> an incredibly good deal, but if you ACT NOW, the first 12 people

can

> get in for only $97! But this deal is only good until TOMORROW!)

>

> Of course there is much, much more...

>

> Heh...

>

> This can be done conversationally too, with the ability to speed

read

> your vict-- er-- client as the conversation progresses. (Sorry,

that

> just slipped out.)

>

> All the best,

>

> -Mark

 

You've been listening well, Mark.

 

On my other group take a look at what I wrote yesterday.

 

You might NOTICE that I followed that same formula

conversationally...

 

 

ps. Notice that is for a specific purpose, that REALLY DOES BENEFIT

ALL that took action on it. A FREEBEE GIFT for my other InnerCircle

memebers! No strings attached.

[Guest guest]

> First six callers get a free copy of Coach Gridley's special report

> 'How energy medicine can help you make a million dollars while getting

> laid twice as often''

>

> That's what I'd do, be interested in anyone else's take.

>

What, get laid twice as often and/or make a million dollars? Come to think

of it getting laid twice as much could be a way to make a million

dollars...... )

 

Sorry couldn't resist it.....

 

Cris

[Guest guest]



Hi Sue,

if the church is fixing the price this time then that gives you the ideal opportunity to make this a ONE OFF GIVE AWAY DEAL....

have fun with it.....tart it up....cris

 

-

coachdrgridley

Wednesday, May 18, 2005 8:50 PM

Re: Re: Reason for New file uploaded is for analisis of the advertising!

There are too many of you to thank individually for your input. I am goingto be away from the computer for a couple weeks, so please don't thinkI'm not responsive if you don't hear much from me. (I'll try to get onlinea little, but I won't be able to keep up with THIS group)The price is set by the church this time. I agree I need to charge more, andso do they. This is my test class. The one that goes on the (verbal orwritten) resume that I shop out to other, more profitable venues. It is printedon colored paper. >dstbod wrote: "Do you worry about getting breast cancer? Maybe you worry aboutyour loved ones getting this disease? Are you hearing more and morepeople are getting this potentially fatal disease?"Here's what's on my flier for Caregivers of the chronically ill: Are you having sleepless nights worrying?Have you lost hope that your circumstances can improve?Are you or a loved one living with a long-term health challenge?Are you a caregiver with no time or support for your own needs?Are you housebound—missing the emotional support of friends and family?Are you feeling emotionally isolated since you or your loved one’s illness has limited your lifestyle?Do your only times away from home seem to be spent in doctor’s offices, drug stores or health food/vitamin stores?If you answered YES to even one of these questions, I can help. I have another similar bullet list for the "patients"I think that's more like some of you are suggesting, but I also see now that I canpunch it up even more.I have really consciously tried to avoid making these about ME. But I thought a littlecredentialing was helpful. On the flier for doctor's who will refer to me, I've triedto make it ALL about them. WIIFM. But, I've found that many won't take the timeto go to the web site, check out the details, so I've tried to put enough on the flier.On one side (so far).Being from a mental health background where everything is written in passive moodand where the wording is "eschew obfuscation" rather than "write clearly," I'm amazedI can get a sentence out at all any more.....I'll be checking on your posts while I'm away, but not able to spend as much time.Thanks, all. BTW, I consider being the goat an honor. I'm learning a lot.Suewww.coachdrgridley.com

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/18/05 3:17:21 AM, erommel writes:

 

 

I would consider VERY strongly using Phil's idea, if not the exact languaging on the part of "Now I'm not saying that Coach Gridley can Cure All Your Problems but..."

 

OK, all. I'm back and re-reading the posts about my flier, saving them to a folder.

Many good suggestions. I think I already said this, but: 1. the price was set by the

place I am doing the groups, 2. These are my "practice" sessions to gain my own confidence

and teaching skills in addition to giving others' a really awesome experience. 3. I was

trying to fit everything on one side of a page yet leave some space so people didn't feel

overwhelmed by the copy.

I have another group next Monday. I'll be preparing for it, but will try to keep up some

with the again (I have 700 new messages just from YOU guys)

I still have to get through a lot of posts.

I have noticed that the words secret seems to be a key word in many posts. Now, I

have been known to have oppositional tendencies, but over the years I developed an

aversion to sales pitches that used "secret" as hook. I think because it rarely was

delivered. So, I have been thinking about how I am maybe appealing to fire/earth/water

types but not metal/wood or some such. Thus, it could be helpful for me to have someone

who uses a different marketing strategy to help me appeal to a market niche I often

miss. And, in terms of EM, I really DO feel that I am offering entry into ancient, arcane

knowledge that is of immediate benefit.

So, I need help communicating BRIEFLY what several of those irresistible benefits will be.

Increased energy, decreased stress/anxiety/overwhelm, better immunity, detox, metabolism,

and much more. For me, the TW/SP connection was the most important piece of info, to start with.

What is it for others of you?

For YOUR own needs, secrets of the Orient, hot sex, better mindbody, blab blab.

See, it's the blab blab I need help with. Too many years as a academic or practitioner

who had to write to cover my ass instead of grab clients.

Looking forward to more helpful suggestions for me and all others of us who need

help sellling the product!

Sue

 

 

 

www.coachdrgridley.com