New and Revamped Kung-fu ad copy now up in files section for your learning!

[Guest guest]

Well group,

Yesterday I did send you the 1st draft of some ad copy.

 

Today I'm sending the revived ad copy.

 

For some fun, go to the files section and print out both ads and

compare them.

 

Those that are into marketing their healing skills just might want

to follow the format, but revamped for the type of clientel that you

desire.

 

Again,

Those that actually do the drill of analizing BOTH ads, and then

posting their critiques to this group will get a reward worth $97 to

$197 bucks.

 

Good luck.

 

Sincerely

 

Ps. these materials will be deleted from the files in 4 days! Then

they are gone forever.

[Guest guest]

Hi Group.

 

I have no clue about marketing except my common sense, the same goes

for Energy Psychology and my knowledge in NLP is very far from being

professional.

 

But I need that stuff so I'll just give it a try...

 

I'll start by beginning with the first ad, then compare it a bit with

the second one

 

If I'd start chronologically...

Well. MAYBE the headline COULD be better.

But it sure captured MY interest.

 

The first paragraph does its work (also it's hard for me to describe

it in english but I think others already did pretty good)... Are you

interested... then read on...

You'll read on anyway because you surely ARE interested in what

" Hidden Dragon Kung-Fu " is about and what makes it so secret and

effective but now you're not only interested in that but ALSO in

discovering these secrets along with the " step-by-step " techniques for

exploding your self defense skills (although maybe you hadn't thought

of self defense for years).

 

But I'll change my point of view now to see the big point.

 

If I am a possible client what is the most important question?

WHY should I need that?

 

Of course the ad wants to reach different kinds of clients.

a) Those that aren't interested in martial arts yet

b) Those that are planning to start with any martial arts training

c) Those that are already practising any style of martial arts

d) Those that are masters in any style of martial arts

 

How do I reach a) ?

By showing them why they SHOULD be interested in martial arts.

That is: By installing fear in them.

 

- " Life or death "

- " you want to win? "

- nasty and sadistic people people intent on hurtin, maiming or

killing you

- nasty business of assault, robbery, rape and the like

- we are threatened daily by criminals and malcontents that rob and bully

- " every daily newspaper " is (at least that's my opinion) also an

anchor for " bad news, bad world "

- rising crime rate all over the world (no one cares if it's true but

you've triggered the

fear)

even the (in this point absolute unimportant [because this kind of

" self-defense " is pretty useless here]) fear of a nuclear war is good.

it just has to be fear.

because you mention self-defense (skills) so much one has the

impression that one

NEEDS that kind of self-defense.

so now you know...

there are so much threats to me in this bad world.

I need protection.

I need to practice martial arts.

 

So from now on we can mention a) and b) together

 

But why should they practice Hidden Dragon Kung-Fu?

Well...

 

- Get the REAL Art.

- unparalled

- effective beyond belief

- SECRETS (if the other systems knew that it wouldn't be a secret!) of

becoming stronger, faster, tougher, more dangerous

- healing energies?

- psychic skills?

- intriguing complexity

- the oldest and most devastating

- secrets of ancient wisdom (compared to our dumb " age of mass

nuclear annihilation " )

- doesn't cause self-injury like all the other systems? (didn't know

yet that they are bad for the joints but if I can have something that

isn't...)

So forget about Karate and all the other Kiddies stuff.

And those fradulent (shouldn't it be fraudulent...?) teachers with all

their fake belts.

 

I want to be tought the unparalled, REAL art by master level black

belts, those deadly experts, WORLD CLASS BLACKBELTS.

 

[but wait...

is it the right thing FOR ME?

 

- Size is no barrier

- age is no barrier

- a 65 year old can EASILY combat several thugs at a time??

- at your own pace

 

Great. I think I'll give it a try.]

 

If you're category c) you should also be persuaded by now. If not...

Just look at the other benefits...

 

- upgrade health

- achieve peace of mind!!! (what the...? wow.)

- wiser

- healthier

- better character

- Jet Li like awareness, reflexes and speed

- stronger, faster, tougher

- fit, healthy, younger, more flexible

- exotic mind training (?! wow.)

- becoming smarter

- psychic skills

 

Healthier? Karate and Taek Kwon Do are bad for the joints. And... it's

watered down kiddy stuff anyway. Mind training? Psychic skills? Yeah.

Fuck Karate.

I want HIDDEN DRAGON KUNG FU!!!

 

 

By the way... if you're d) and you think you don't need this

mysterious " secrets of ancient wisdom " crap because you're already

tough...

Yeah, that happens. Sometimes we grow arrogant.

" It's happened to me, too "

Hidden Dragon Kung-Fu can help you to get over that and restore your

awareness.

 

 

a-d):

HDKF seems to be the best.

It's hidden wisdom, more effective than anything else and it has

countless benefits.

And I have to know these " secrets " and these " 3 things " .

 

And those people don't just want money. They are NOT open to the

general public and they are picky on whom they train. I like challenges.

I'm curious if I am good enough...

 

inexpensive trial period?

great. there I can find out if it's really the right thing for me.

 

7 slots?

I'll call RIGHT NOW.

 

 

So much for the first ad.

I've been sitting here looking at and contemplating over them both.

One point that I recognized is that underlining words is so much

more... aggressive than just writing it in bold print.

Sure, the second one is easier to read. Faster. It shows you all the

words that are really important. But somehow I can't get rid of the

impression that negative words shouldn't be underlined. Like " nasty

business of assault, robbery and rape " . If it's written in bold print

you recognize it more subconsciously and that is where it should stay

to arise fear. Maybe one should underline " kung-fu will take care of

nasty business... " but not JUST negative stuff.

(same goes for the hard-jarring falls. Either it's " Aikido's hard

jarring falls " or not underlined. But the underlined stuff is linked

too much to...

AAAAAA. Now I get it. When I look at the headline. Maybe it's not just

the underlined parts being more " obvious " /agressive/whatever (sorry,

got no better expression) but that they are also much more linked to

" the SECRET and AMAZINGLY EFFECTIVE HIDDEN DRAGON Kung-Fu " . So no

underlining of stand-alone negative expressions!

Maybe one can work a bit with underlining AND writing bold or just

underlining blablabla... just ideas...)

 

The " Are You Interested " Part seems to be better at the very beginning

of the text. It just doesn't fit after one already knows so much about

HDKF.

It's more suggestive in the beginning.

 

Now the first two paragraphs are... hm.

They promise a lot. Maybe too much.

The other version installed more credibility BEFORE promising all that.

At least that's my impression.

 

And... exotic mind training and psychic skills are a eye catcher...

but seeing them emphasized is a bit... irritating...

they're much " cooler " if they are just incidentally mentioned.

 

I now understand the " HDKF does NOT cause self-injury " paragraph a bit

better than before. Although I still think it should be combined (in

any way...) with the " KF does NOT limit the client " paragraph.

Somebody mentioned that already... but it's also what I think...

Thought

 

And I wouldn't write " Without Kung-Fu energy drills " our body stiffens...

that provokes rejection. Kung-Fu energy drills prevent our body from

stiffening. Sounds MUCH better.

But I think that mentioning Vital force and energy drills is a good idea.

If I didn't know a guy practising Kung-Fu that mentioned that he can

" feel the chi flowing in his body " I still wouldn't know that Kung-Fu

has at least something to do with that. Ignorant, I know, but I

couldn't tell any difference between Karate and Kung-Fu. So I think

that's a good point to mention. On the other hand I don't know how

many people could be rejected by it...

 

" NO walk-ins " is... good (altough I think that mentioning it with an

" by appointment ONLY " in the last paragraph might be enough). " We are

too busy for unannounced people " on the other hand sounds... sorry.

Missing expression. A bit of exagerated... like TOO MUCH effort to

show HOW BUSY you are. Again, just my impression.

Maybe other people think differently.

 

But when I look at the big picture...

The second one is easier to read. The Underlining IS important. But

its use should be more conscientious. And the beginning of the second

version promises too much to be digested in such a short time. Because

you have no sign of credibilty in the beginning (like the testimonial).

 

Thanks for your attention

Michael

 

, " docspeed2001 "

<docspeed2001> wrote:

>

> Well group,

> Yesterday I did send you the 1st draft of some ad copy.

>

> Today I'm sending the revived ad copy.

>

> For some fun, go to the files section and print out both ads and

> compare them.

>

> Those that are into marketing their healing skills just might want

> to follow the format, but revamped for the type of clientel that you

> desire.

>

> Again,

> Those that actually do the drill of analizing BOTH ads, and then

> posting their critiques to this group will get a reward worth $97 to

> $197 bucks.

>

> Good luck.

>

> Sincerely

>

> Ps. these materials will be deleted from the files in 4 days! Then

> they are gone forever.

>