Re-RIGHT the ad until it's purrrrfect....

[Guest guest]

Hi Doc! Well, thanks for the drill! The first time I tried to read the first

ad, I went " UGH! " " Are you interested in discovering...? " It didn't really

grab me like your other ads do.

 

Then I remembered you said you were aiming this at a DIFFERENT target market and

that you probably don't need my advice on the ad so I should probably go back

over the ad AGAIN to see what it is I was missing.

 

I liked the re-write better as far as the copy goes, but I really love the

FORMAT of the first one because it fits a one page ad in a magazine. I'm not

sure how much it costs to put one of those in a magazine or a newspaper.

 

By the way, if you were selling more spots than just 7, would you still use the

newspaper? Most of the people I know who found martial arts schools EITHER

found them driving around, word of mouth, or the yellow pages. I know you said

that the ad gets handed out by your students, and since there are only 7

openings, I'm curious as to why you are using the newspaper? I'm only curious

because I'm not sure if the newspaper would be a good medium for my CD's or not.

 

Anyways, the language patterns in this set of ads is completely different than

what is in your normal martial arts ad that you send out.

 

In other words, instead of the " action words on steroids " , you've got more

" passive " language. Actually, my FIRST take on it was that it was " reactive "

language " have been perfected " in reference to the Chinese skills, " oldest and

most devastating form " instead of the POWER words you typically use. Yes, I

know " devastating " is a power word, but it's not the same as " Bone CRUNCHING " or

" Whomped " ... Things like " it's techniques are invisible, powerful, quick and

effective beyond belief. "

 

So, since I know you're NOT trying to get a bunch of passive morons who can't

think for themselves, I asked myself WHO ELSE uses disocciated language patterns

like that.

 

Well, it's NOT the 18 year old bad-ass-wanna-be who wants to know how to pummel

everyone who gets in his way.

 

People who are educated (higher education, as in advanced degrees) tend to talk

in disocciated terms. " One's self. " " The techniques have been perfected... "

" The techniques are... "

 

And typically, advanced education means MORE income.

 

I also know you have some of the smartest students on the planet, and so no

disrespect to THEM. I remember you saying that you did have some martial arts

students who do not like doing the mind training. And the mind training and

energy training is a requirement for long-term studies with you.

 

So, I know you kept the best students you had when you " semi-retired " , and those

are your trainers. Now as for the new people coming in, I'm guessing you've

used ads similar to the ones I've read where the bad guy thinks he's got Frank

Davis or Jack Williams outnumbered, and then he gets the holy shit knocked out

of him...

 

These ads are different.

 

And they have a " rules " appeal to them, also.

 

Yet you QUALIFY what your rules are within the ad copy.

 

For instance, an earth element has " rules " about how everyone should be treated,

so they will send some poor bastard 19 or 20 year old over to Lebanon or to the

airports after 9/11 or somewhere else on " peacekeeping duties " and the earth

element will want to be nice and considerate of everyone EXCEPT the poor 19 year

old bastard who signed up to defend his country. No, the damn earth element

tells the poor kid that even though he's had proper training, he ain't allowed

to have a round chambered in the rifle because one of those poor sons-of-bitches

who has been causing trouble might accidentally get hurt. And we want to be

NICE to everybody...

 

So instead the poor 19 year old bastard gets shot or blown up because of the

reaction time required to actually chamber a round and then aim, fire. And the

god-damned earth element sends out letters of " regret " at how awful it was that

the poor son-of-a-bitch ceased to breathe while serving his country. And by the

time they get done, you almost pity the dumbass who drove the car bomb. Man, as

much as I hate bush, at least THAT much has changed. At least now they got the

fucking balls to call a terrorist a terrorist and to SHOOT the son-of-a-bitch

WHEREVER he is, whether some other government approves of it or not. (No, I

don't have a " my rules for me, and fuck everyone else " rules structure! LOL)

 

Maybe something " good " did come out of this goatfuck war. I still think XXXXXX

is crooked and related to Satan. And I still think he's overzealous and holding

INNOCENT people.

 

Anyway, no, I don't have any idea what that has to do with your ad, except for

people's " rules " . His rules are probably just like Adolf Hitler's: " When the

war is over, no one asks the victor if he lied. "

 

A METAL element has rules, also. Their rules of conduct hold them to a very

high standard. They have high quality thinking, high quality work, and they

don't EVER put out any products that are crappy. They are perfectionists. And

hopefully, they have enough wood element in them to say " it's good enough to get

the job done " .

 

So, it seems that your ad is written to appeal to Metal elements who are

educated and have good income. In fact, many, if not all of your long-term

students have a good bit of metal element. Walter is one of the smartest people

I ever met, and he's a strong metal element and I think you said has more wood

than he u sed to. Fred is a metal element. John is a metal element.

 

And metal elements (in my opinion) are real loyal too. So are woods. Metals

have a set of rules to live by and adhere to. Sort of like their " code " . (See

the last samurai, for example, even though the story sucks... Dumb ass died

over that wet-behind-the ears punk ass " emperor " .)

 

Anyways, your ad sets up YOUR rules about what you do not and what you do

expect. No kids, no soccer moms, people are there to learn and grow and to get

more wisdom.

 

You contrast some of the other styles and show why those styles might be alright

for the young kid who is under 30 years old, but later in life leaves the person

worn out if they keep fighting that way.

 

You also point out what is fraudulent about many trainers and then show yourself

as a valid trainer, then you invite th em to come in and find out for

themselves.

 

I LOVED the 3rd version where you talked about the guy who promotes based on how

nice they are in the class room. Then you immediately counter that with " HOW

RUDE! " meaning that it is rude to promote someone based on whether or not they

can put on a social disguise instead of promoting based on performance and VALID

criteria for excellence in the martial arts.

 

The ad seems directed to metal elements who are professionals (with money).

 

You could, of course, have targeted waters or fires or woods or earths with

money. But then again, you want people who are committed to excellence, and

sometimes fires flake or waters float on to something else when they should be

training.

 

It reminds me of the guy -- and he's a real nice guy -- who was at one of your

seminars a couple of years ago, and he brought his wife. That BITCH got pissy

because she didn't like the training we were doing to read people's minds, and

also pissed that we were going so late in the evening (hell, I was GLAD I was

getting more than what I had originally paid for!!!! Hell, yeah, I'll stay late

and learn MORE for my money!) and she INSISTED on leaving. The guy left and

took his wife home, and he stayed home with her.

 

I would have took the bitch home when we went to dinner break and told her to

shut the fuck up, and then I would have gone back to the class. Iguess he was

afraid he wouldn't get any if he did that. It's always a false choice. There's

lots of ***** out there just waiting to come to a place of deep fulfillment...

 

So you are looking for people who are SMART, have PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL

CONDUCT, have PRIDE IN THEMSELVES, WANT TO EXCELL, and have the MONEY to pay for

the classes.

 

And as long as you appeal to their rules and criteria and values, (which you've

helped INSTALL --or at least pre-screen for-- with your ad) they will tend to be

long-term LOYAL customers.

 

The takeaway of only 7 slots available right now is also good to motivate them

to act now. And I love the way you added into the third ad the DEFINITION of

" world class blackbelt " . You said it is the EQUIVALENT of a MASTER'S DEGREE.

And th at's just for starters. So you are definitely looking for people who are

EDUCATED AND SMART. People who know how to THINK.

 

I like the " rules " appeal too, because that way you can write your ad to

pre-screen so that certain types of abusive individuals are less likely to get

the product or call for the interview.

 

I'm not sure yet how to apply this to my ads for my product. I've got a couple

of ideas, though.

 

Anyways, shit, it's after 5:00 am, and I got to work today...

 

See you later.... I got to get to sleep...

 

Jim