RE: Kung fu ad copy

[Guest guest]

Hello;

 

The following is my critique on Doc's Kung fu ad, second copy. I

didn't have time to download the file and make adjustments, but if

you print it out and number each of the paragraphs 1 through 20, the

following will correspond to it. Thank you for your patience.

 

1. I like the association with Jet Li. It starts to put images in

my head of what I will look like with these skills. And if I'm

going to spend my time learning an art, I want it to be complete.

 

2. Exotic, health, younger, psychic. I love those power words.

Those are the reasons why this art has been hidden.

 

3. This is perfect baiting of the reader. Give a little so they

have to continue.

 

4. This art is old, so it must be good. Also, I'll know something

that other people won't. It kind of feeds my ego.

 

5. I don't know about using " mass nuclear annihilation " here. It

just might be me. But your right about the news media telling me

about the chaos and threats out there on a daily basis. I need Kung-

fu.

 

6. Evil may be around the corner. With this, I'll have no fear.

 

7. Justification by another person. Also, it's nice to know that I

can use my skills I'll learn in tournaments. I always like the idea

of winning large, shiny trophies.

 

8. This is a repoire builder. Here you are saying, look, I was

like you. Then I used the skills to become awesome, and so can you.

 

9. Even though I'm not Arnold, I can do this? Sweet! And the

skills will be around when I get older. Also, I don't like kids

when I'm going to train. So I won't be tripping on them when I come

in.

 

10. Good! When I get into a fight, I want to down him NOW! You

never know if he has friends around the corner. And this art has

been refined over 5,000 years. All the bugs are out.

 

11. Face it. During my practicing of the art, if I get the snot

kicked out of me, I'll have nothing left when I have to use it on

the street. Also, I ain't getting any younger.

 

12. I like to save money. I like the idea of learning quickly, but

at my own pace, because some things I get now, some I take a little

time. (Got to love the mismatch).

 

13. This is a re-enforcement of paragraph #11. And the more tools

I have, the better I'll be. Logically, I'm getting a real good deal.

 

14. You get the overall picture of what you don't want.

 

15. The example you give here puts up a logical barrier against

your competition. Also, if I'm going to learn, I want someone with

credentials.

 

16. I like the self challage. Isn't that one of the reasons why

I'm in the martial arts? Also, I won't be bumping into the people

that I'll be using my skills on. The trail period is good. I won't

be locked into anything.

 

17. This purpose makes sense to me. It's very sound.

 

18. Only 7 slots open? No room for procastination here. Plus,

I'll be one of the few. Again, another massage for my ego.

 

19. The dicetions are easy and quick, just the way I like it.

 

20. Using the law of threes for the phone number, so it's in my

mind. Also, your taking time to meet with me " Free " . So if I have

any questions, I'll get a human being to answer them, not just an

answering machine.

 

Overall, I love the energy of this copy. It flowed and seemed to

build upon itself. The use of the newspaper stiling also lent

itself well to the eye, it's easy to read quickly. This copy seemed

to remind me of some of the ads I use to get from doc back in

the '90's. When I received those ads, I was excited and emotional

about getting the product. I rushed to get them ordered. (I still

do with the new stuff.)

 

The first copy seemed lost until you got toward the second page.

And the wording for the first copy was suspect, i.e. witty?

I'm a martial artist, the last thing I want to be called is " Witty " .

 

Great improvement between the ads.

 

Well, I got to go. Happy new year to everyone.

 

Scott