Guest guest Posted April 22, 2008 Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 (Hi group. Here is an interesting article that is very well done. Reposted here with Jasmine's permission. Dr. John La Tourrette) Moving beyond anger with EFT Introduction Quite often, we get angry; and we deal with it in different ways. Some of us react; some suppress; some show indifference; some walk away fuming inside; some of us believe it is " wrong " to feel anger and hence suppress or 'by-pass' angry feelings; and some of us bring it all out on other people. Science is proving the link between heart disease and anger as the underlying emotional cause. EFT has been extremely useful and efficient in healing anger and it is amazing to see how a client has a new understanding of the same situation that unfolds naturally; often, much to their own surprise and relief. With the new perspective that emerges, they have clarity on dealing with the situation with more positive choices in hand. I would like to share what I have found to be extremely useful and productive in not just dealing with the symptoms (which is extremely effective, of course!) but also simultaneously addressing the core beliefs and allowing a gentle transformation at the core level. Since this is a long read, you might want to review it in parts. There is a slight modification I have used in the tapping process wherein I have involved * Left and right side of the body for the tapping, alternatively * Left and right hand to tap, alternatively * The acknowledgement reminder phrase when tapping is used when involving the right hand and right side of the body (activating the " left brain " and brining to surface all the meanings and associations) ..· The positive, choice reminder statement is used when involving the left hand and left side of the body (activating the " right brain " and allowing the new empowering choices to get into the creative part of our system) * It is a good idea to wait a few minutes between tapping rounds to allow the system to " settle " . I have seen being aware of breathing to be very helpful between 2 rounds. Several times, clients have had to do just one of two rounds of tapping to not just feel balanced but also to get a new perspective which continues to unfold even several days after the session. * Tapping this way, I have seen faster clearing of the core issues, positive beliefs " sitting " more strongly and somehow, driving the person to initiate action in a more congruent manner. * The Practitioner could tap on the client and lead the statements so the client can be with the sensation and feelings and not get caught remembering the lefts and rights! Identifying globally: Firstly, here is a brief list of common reasons why we feel angry towards someone/ ourselves. You may want to make a note of those that bother you from this list or from that of your own. Although it is globally stated, it serves as a good start. Replace 'they' to someone specific (in a specific event/situation), or to ' I ' if the anger is towards yourself. When others do not agree with me When they do not understand me When they obstructs me from satisfying my needs. (A need could be psychological, such as the need for acceptance, respect etc.) When they do not respect me When they think they are superior When they try to control or suppress me When they criticize me When they tell lies or gossip about me When they harm me or someone close to me. When they have evil intentions or ulterior motives When they are negative, complaining, whining, criticizing etc When they think they know it all When they give me advice I have not asked for When they play the role of the victim, the " poor me, " and want attention When they do not take care of themselves or carry their share of the load When they make mistakes When they do not keep their promises or appointments When they are weak and dependent When they act in an egotistical and selfish ways, disregarding my or others' needs When they use me or others When they are cold and insensitive When they are not responsible to their word or responsibilities When they are lazy When they ignore my needs When they reject me When the traffic is too heavy Being Specific Think/connect to the situation/ person in your mind that bring these feelings in you. Tune into a specific event or incident where you have felt this way. The movie method is very useful and effective approach as it involves most parts of the brain and the visual, auditory and kinesthetic senses. Get in touch with your feelings now, in the present moment. Rate on a scale of 0 to 10, how angry you feel now. Tapping example: 1st round: Sore spot rubbing or Karate chop point: Say 3 times Even though I am feeling angry (mad, grrr.....), I choose to deeply and completely accept and forgive myself anyway (Although I have included " forgive " in the set up statement, if the client is resistant to it, one can do a PR separately for the forgiveness - Even though I cannot forgive myself..) One classic EFT round including the 9 gamut, focusing on the acknowledgment while being aware of any physical sensation associated with the anger (pressure in stomach, chocking in throat etc). Tap: Reminder phrase: this anger 2nd Round: Even though I am feeling angry (mad, grrr.....), I choose to deeply and completely accept and forgive myself anyway Tap: Right side, eyebrow point with right hand: I am feeling angry Left side, eyebrow point with left hand: I choose to deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself anyway Right - side of the eye with right hand: I am angry at __________ Left - side of the eye with left hand: I choose to be aware of the positive steps I can take in this situation Right side, under the eye with right hand : I am angry about ____________ Left side, under the eye with left hand: I choose to feel safe and express my anger in a positive way that works for all of us Right side, under the eye with right hand: I am angry about ____________ Left side, under the eye with left hand: I choose to be open to the possibility that good things will come out of this. Right side, under the nose with right hand: I am afraid of my anger Left side. under the nose with left hand: I choose to feel safe and express my anger in a positive way that works for all of us Under the lips with right hand: I am angry because ___________ Under the lips with left hand: I choose to be calm and peaceful Collar bone with right hand: I feel angry Collar bone with left hand: I choose to be a great friend to myself Under the arm with right hand : I feel angry at _______ for _______ Under the arm with left hand : I choose to find other ways to handle this easily Thumb: I choose to let go Forefinger: I choose to forgive ____________ Middle finger: I choose to release and relax Little finger: I choose to forgive myself Karate Chop: I choose balance now Top of the head, right hand : remnants of this anger Top of the head, left hand : I choose to be divinely guided in this release Only left side tapping: Eyebrow point: I choose to joyously welcome positive possibilities here Under the eye: I choose to feel wonderful accepting myself Under the nose: I choose to lovingly nurture relaxation Under lip: I choose to be amazed how easily I forgive _________ Collarbone: I choose to peacefully forgive __________ and forgive myself Under the arm: I choose to be in joyous harmony with the new positive experiences in my life Top of the head: I choose to be amazed at how deeply I love myself Take a deep breath, exhale and relax for a few minutes. You may want to drink some water, be aware of your breath, go for a small walk around in your room. Review/ test Take a SUDs once again by tuning into the specific problem and continue with the remaining anger tapping. If an aspect has come up, continue tapping on what has come up. Picking out a few events and following a Personal peace Procedure routine for a few days/weeks will completely collapse all that is coming in the way of your experiencing balance and harmony within you. Beliefs Our beliefs become part of us from childhood much of which is learned from those around us. When we think/act as a reflex and feel uncomfortable with those thoughts/ actions, it is a good idea to review the beliefs and make positive, productive changes that fit into who you are. Some anger beliefs: I am afraid of anger If I get angry, I will lose control I have no right to be angry Anger is bad When someone is angry, I get scared It is not safe to be angry My parents did not allow me to express anger I won't be loved if I get angry I have to hide my anger Stuffing anger makes me sick I have never been angry If I get angry, I will hurt someone Anger belief EFT statements Here is a list of anger belief EFT statements with due credit to Louise Hay. Review the beliefs checklist below. Next to them are the corresponding affirmations. Practice them tapping along everyday while brushing your teeth in the morning, in the mirror, in small groups or anytime you feel your negatives coming to the surface and in few weeks, you will experience a new and different you.. If you believe: Even though I am afraid of anger, I choose to acknowledge all of my feelings. It is safe for me to recognize and release my anger. I completely love and accept myself. Even though if I get angry, I will lose control, I choose to express my anger in appropriate places and ways. I completely love and accept myself. Even though I have no right to be angry, I choose to know that all my emotions are acceptable. I completely love and accept myself. Even though anger is bad, I choose to know that anger is normal and natural. I completely love and accept myself. Even though when someone is angry, I get scared, I choose to comfort my inner child and we are safe. I completely love and accept myself. Even though it is not safe to be angry, I choose to know that I am safe with all my emotions. I completely love and accept myself. Even though my parents did not allow me to express my anger, I choose to now move beyond my parents' limitations. I completely love and accept myself. Even though I won't be loved if I get angry, I choose to know that the more honest I am, the more I am loved. I completely love and accept myself. Even though I have to hide my anger, I choose to express my anger in appropriate ways. I completely love and accept myself. Even though stuffing anger makes me sick, I choose to express my anger in appropriate ways. I completely love and accept myself. Even though I have never been angry, I allow myself freedom with all my emotions, including anger. I completely love and accept myself. Even though if I get angry I will hurt someone, I choose know that healthy expressions of anger keep me healthy. I choose to know that everyone is safe with me when I express my emotions. I completely love and accept myself.' Using' anger in a healthy manner In general we are controlled by two beliefs here: 1. We believe we must have something that the other is obstructing us from having. This could be anything from sleep, food and shelter, to our peace of mind, our spouse or other persons to whom we are attached. 2. We believe this person toward whom we feel this anger is responsible for our reality. We believe that if it were not for him or her, we would not be unhappy. He or she is " responsible " for our pain and unhappiness. Anger can also be a starting point for major change for an individual, or even an entire society. Anger can be a source of energy and dedication toward transforming the negative and unjust circumstances around us. Many of us first need to learn to acknowledge, accept and express our anger (in a positive manner) before we can regain our self-esteem and empowerment. Also, there are some cases in which we may need to express anger in order to get a result for which we are responsible. This can be done, however, without demeaning or hurting the other. How? Ask yourself " What do I want here (from this person) that I am not getting (and which is making me angry) Once you know what it is that you 'want' or 'need' is, express it to the person in a positive manner. Here, we have gone beyond anger by taking a couple of steps backward! This will lead to less reaction that stems from anger, to more clear and productive communication; better understanding; more joyous experiences in relationships. And of course, a much healthier heart! And, do remember.. Even though I was told anger is not good, I give myself permission to acknowledge my feelings........... With my gratitude and acknowledgment to Robert Najemy and Louise Hay, I hope this is as helpful for you as it has been for me and several others I have worked with. Warmly, Jasmine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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