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Need yet another study to believe in studies? Well, the following foolhardy

study will convince you beyond doubt. ~ G.

 

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Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers

 

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,

recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't

emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The

dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the

existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that

dark is faster than light.

 

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take

for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark

right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the

greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much

greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark suckers

don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This

is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive

dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the

first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been

sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle,

the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into

the candle.

 

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There

are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the

dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark

storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the

portable dark sucker can operate again. Dark has mass. When dark goes into a

dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to

touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the

dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a

great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating

candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you

notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of

approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the

heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats to

the top. The immense power of dark can be utilized to mans advantage. We can

collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through

turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it

may be safely stored.

 

Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and

lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve

it. When on a river in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow of

the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when

they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help

push the dark along its way.

 

 

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand

in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open

the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since

the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

 

In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much

easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is

indeed a dark sucker.

 

Author Unknown