Guest guest Posted April 25, 2002 Report Share Posted April 25, 2002 I found this in the local paper this morning I hope it will help some guys out there. Peg Psychotherapist says men should tackle their mid-life changes MARLENE HABIB Canadian Press Wednesday, April 24, 2002 <http://media.canada.com/scripts/locate.asp?id=2047cdf0-a0f1-4cbc-be20-96d5eff1a\ fb3> (CP/HO) Psychotherapist Jed Diamond, seen in this undated handout photo, says research shows men go through their own physical, emotional and mental changes as they age. (CP/HO) <http://mirror.canada.com/images/s.gif> <http://mirror.canada.com/images/s.gif> [Click here to find out more!] <a HREF= " http://ad.ca.doubleclick.net/N3081/jump/ccn.com/edm/story;kw=ccstorybox;lo\ c=storybox;sz=250x250;kw=edm;stile=4;ord=9? " ><img SRC= " http://ad.ca.doubleclick.net/N3081/ad/ccn.com/edm/story;kw=ccstorybox;loc=s\ torybox;sz=250x250;kw=edm;stile=4;ord=9? " BORDER= " 0 " ></a> TORONTO (CP) - Sometimes you have to hit below the belt to get an older guy focused on his health. Jed Diamond, a California psychotherapist who has helped men for 37 years, says the stage of life called andropause, or " male menopause, " usually starts when hormone levels begin going topsy-turvy after age 30. It can affect everything from a man's mind to his prostate gland and sex life. Most andropausal men have to be put in the right mindset to help themselves, Diamond says. " Tell guys it's healthy to change their diet and they go 'ho hum,' " he said on the line from the Long Valley Health Centre in Laytonville north of San Francisco. " But tell them that if they eat more meat or drink beer and that belching with the boys will do away with your sex life, and guys pay attention. " The notion " it's somehow manly to eat a lot of meat " is unfounded, he said before a trip to Toronto this week to promote his latest book, The Whole Man Program: Reinvigorating Your Body, Mind, and Spirit After 40 (Wiley). He says a lot of meat is " fattened up " with female hormones like estrogen, with the result that men who eat too much meat may have reduced levels of the male hormone testosterone. Fat tends to change the balance of hormones in men and raise estrogen levels, he adds, and too much beer can mean a pot belly. In nearly four decades as a therapist, Diamond has seen the interest in men's health - especially andropause - soar, partly because of the aging population. One British study of 1,500 male patients tracked over 10 years found about 25 per cent of 40-year-old men are going through andropause, with the number rising to 70 per cent for men aged 70-plus. Because of the spiralling concern, Diamond wrote the book Male Menopause in 1998 and developed an eight-week MenAlive program, which has been adopted by other North American clinics, including one in Vancouver. Diamond has also worked with the Canadian Andropause Society. The program encourages men to work on their " outer self " (through exercise, proper eating and, if necessary, new treatments like hormone therapy) and nurture their " inner self. " That includes expanding their mind and working on their emotions, learning to overcome shame and guilt and being more like women who talk about their feelings. Diamond, married 25 years and with five grown children, says one of his goals is to help men not make the same mistakes as their fathers, who buried their feelings and suffered alone. At 58, he admits he needs help with his own mid-life concerns. He has been sharing stories with other men in a health support team for the past 24 years. " Having supports is valuable, " he says. The idea that " guys will be guys " when they distance themselves from their partners or link up with younger women is slowly giving way to research pointing to physiological reasons for such behaviour. Typically, Diamond says, guys in their 20s feel indestructible and don't need anything; in their 30s they're too busy building a career and family to think about health and emotional concerns. The 40s, however, are when " middle-age crazy " may start setting in. Guys are less likely than women to keep up with their health and friendships through the decades of change, making their lives even more difficult, says Diamond. Depression, often tied in with hormonal changes, may also set in. " These guys say, 'I've got a good job, I'm supported by family - When is it going to be my turn, when am I going to have attention paid to me?' And from the wives, I hear this all the time: 'He says he loves me, but he isn't in love with me.' What that means to the woman is devastation. " Men end up doing a lot of things they may regret later, like getting " an arm charm " young girlfriend, says Diamond. Many times, they realize they made a huge mistake and are no happier with the new woman than with their wife. Until recently, the male " change " hasn't been discussed much because men can reproduce decades later than women, and hormone levels don't drop as significantly in men as in women. Men often feel the stigma of anything related to their manhood. Take Dennis, a 45-year-old security guard whose story is in Diamond's book. Dennis resisted joining a support group at Diamond's clinic because he felt other clinics he'd tried didn't understand men's problems. " The only reason I came was because my wife said she'd leave me if I didn't get some help with my anger and take better care of myself physically, " said Dennis, adding that he later became comforted by seeking the help of other men. Diamond says things are changing as men-centred programs come on stream. " You need to personalize help for them because every man is different. " On the Web: www.menalive.com. --- A sketch of the eight-week MenAlive program by psychotherapist Jed Diamond to help men as they age (each step should be carried through the eight weeks): Week 1 - Get More Physical: Write down all your physical activities and how often you do them, to get your baseline activity. Increase it slightly each week. Week 2 - Eat Well, Don't Eat Sick: Start eating fewer of the foods your body craves (like sweets, red meat, buttered popcorn) and more foods your body needs for health (like veggies and fruits). Start by eliminating two " I crave " foods and add two healthy foods. Take note of how you feel through the week. Week 3 - Expand Your Mind: Take a minute a day to expand your mind. For instance, sit quietly, close your eyes, picture a pain in your body and imagine the pain isn't there. Week 4 - Work Your Emotions: Learn to express your feelings. Start by thinking of situations you've avoided in the past, like telling your spouse you were hurt by something she said, or by telling a friend how much you enjoy being with them. Week 5 - Heed Your Spiritual Calling: Deepen your commitment to finding your calling. Think of one thing that would make the world a better place if everyone knew it and practised it. Write about what that would be and what you might do to express this more in your own life. Week 6 - Explore Your Feelings Toward the Woman: Think about the mystery, fear and desire of the Woman (Diamond's term for women generally). Write down thoughts and feelings. Week 7: Develop and Deepen Intimacy: List all the people you've had an intimate relationship with (include your mother and father). Rate them from 1 (minimal degree of intimacy) to 10 (the most intimate relationship you could imagine). Write down things you did that blocked intimacy (like being irritable, hiding behind work or emotionally withdrawing) and things that helped bring about greater intimacy (like being loyal, listening and caring). Think of the most important relationship you have now, and what would improve it or block intimacy. Week 8 - Tune into Your Hormones: Make an appointment with your doctor to have levels of hormones tested. They drop with age, and it's a good idea to find your baseline level to determine how drastically they alter while aging. - Source: The book The Whole Man Program: Reinvigorating Your Body, Mind, and Spirit after 40 (Wiley Games - play chess, backgammon, pool and more http://games./ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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