17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists... by Michael Moore

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the

words of Monty Python, " always look on the bright side of life! " There IS some

good news from Tuesday's election.

 

http://www.michaelmoore.com/

 

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

 

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

 

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow

Wilson in 1916.

 

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults

(Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong

and you should never listen to them.

 

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is

headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%),

and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners:

Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

 

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the

Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme

Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say " if the Democrats do their job? " Um,

maybe better to scratch this one.

 

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our

democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus

Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway,

and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show

tunes!

 

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old

nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio

State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

 

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no

longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're

ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you

will be well cared for in your old age.

 

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in

11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to

buy now.

 

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including

the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks

in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

 

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

 

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

 

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3

chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative

chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in

control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was

tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49

chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

 

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the

one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and,

more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that

will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade --

you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four

years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in

Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his

father and kicked our ass.

 

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark

road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will

happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian

conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he

should spend these last four years building " a legacy " so that history will

render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a

right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus,

reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even

his own party will have to remove him from office.

 

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age.

We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means

we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go

before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards,

would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying --

especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course

not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

 

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the

candidate dubbed " The #1 Liberal in the Senate. " That's more than the total

number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again,

more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it

should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy,

willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled

with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have

shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means,

don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to

ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that

they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

 

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, " My Romanian

grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful

country -- it doesn't even need a president!' "

 

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

 

Yours,

 

Michael Moore

MMFlint

www.michaelmoore.com

 

 

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" To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or

that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic

and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. " -

Theodore Roosevelt, 7 May 1918