Member of Al-gebra cult held.

[Guest guest]

K

Wed, 6 Apr 2005 20:39:54 -0400

Math

 

 

AT NEW YORK's Kennedy airport today, an individual - later

discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested

trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a

protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning

press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that

he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra

movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying

weapons of math instruction.

 

" Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, " he declared. " They seek

average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go

off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use

secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves

as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a

common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates

in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to

argue, there are three sides to every triangle. "

 

When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated,

" If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math

instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that

it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are

willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky

statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of

influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate

their root, make our point, and draw the line. "

 

The President warned, " These weapons of math instruction

have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a

scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a

Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of

vertex. "

 

The Attorney General concluded, " As our Great Leader would

say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain

of: though they continue to multiply, their days are

numbered as the hypotenuse tightens