Fwd: I like conservatives

[Guest guest]

Molly Ivins

 

I like conservatives

April 19, 2005

 

AUSTIN, Texas -- Spring fever is taking a weird form this year. Politicians

say nice things for political reasons and then revert with a vengeance -- a

sort of political Tourette syndrome, they can't help what they say.

 

Tom DeLay, of all people, recently issued a fatwa on the need for good

manners, a concept so bizarre there is no metaphor for it. It is itself a

metaphor: " ... as weird as the time Tom DeLay gave us all a lecture on manners. "

 

In his new role as the Emily Post of politics, DeLay informed us, " It is

unfortunate in our electoral system, exacerbated by our adversarial media

culture, that political discourse has to get so overheated, that it's not just

arguments, but motives are questioned. " Did someone question his motive in

taking

an all-expenses-paid vacation from a lobbyist?

 

This would be the same Tom DeLay who said, " Screw the Senate, " when he

learned Bob Dole had cut a deal with Clinton to end the government shutdown

caused

by Newt Gingrich.

 

" We're in charge. We don't have to negotiate with the Senate. " Same as

above.

 

" We are ideologues. We have an agenda. We have a philosophy. I want to

repeal the Clean Air Act, " he said in 1995.

 

" You don't want me as an enemy, " DeLay to Jacqueline Blankenship, wife of a

business partner who sued him. When the local Republican sheriff hired Ms.

Blankenship, DeLay spent $75,000 to defeat him.

 

" This whole thing about not kicking someone when they are down is BS. Not

only do you kick him -- you kick him until he passes out, then beat him over the

head with a baseball bat, then roll him up in an old rug and throw him off a

cliff into the pound(ing) surf below!!!!! " That gem was in a DeLay staff

email about Clinton's impeachment.

 

" I can't afford you as a brother anymore, " DeLay to his brother and lawyer

Randy after Randy's lobbying had embarrassed him.

 

" The EPA, the Gestapo of government, pure and simply has been one of the

major claw-hooks that the government maintains on the backs of our

constituents, " DeLay said in 1995.

 

And this truly spectacular outburst just a few weeks ago:

 

" God has brought to us Terri Schiavo to elevate the visibility of what's

going on in America. ... This is exactly the issue that's going on in America of

attacks against the conservative movement, against me and against many

others. The point is, the other side has figured out how to win and defeat the

conservative movement, and that is to go after people personally, charge them

with frivolous charges and link that up with all these do-gooder organizations

funded by George Soros -- and then get the national media on their side. The

whole syndicate that they have going on right now is for one purpose and one

purpose only, and that's to destroy the conservative movement. It's to destroy

the conservative leaders. ... This is a huge nationwide concerted effort to

destroy everything we believe in. " Whew.

 

There is much more from DeLay that is unprintable in a newspaper. For some

rich samples, try " The Hammer " by Lou DuBose, my sometime writing partner.

 

According to The Associated Press, DeLay has urged the Republicans in

Congress, when asked about his ethics problems, to blame Democrats. DeLay also

said

there is a " mammoth operation " funded by Democratic supporters designed to

destroy him. People on the right just will not give up this eternal pretense of

being victims.

 

DeLay's unlikely excursion into defining proper conduct came a few days

after he had made a comment about the judges in the Schiavo case, which he

repeatedly described as murder: " The time will come for the men responsible for

this to answer for their behavior. " Some picky people thought there was an

implied threat or encouragement to violence in that. Even DeLay had to admit he

had expressed himself " inartfully. "

 

But, happy to report, DeLay's new-found temperance did not last long. He

just keynoted the convention of the National Rifle Association in Houston, where

he cheerfully told the audience: " I feel really good. Because when a man is

in trouble or in a good fight, you want to have your friends around,

preferably armed. "

 

How armed? The NRA is now defending the .50 caliber sniper rifle as a

" standard hunting weapon. " The manufacturer's brochure for the sniper rifle

states

that jet engines and helicopters " are likely targets for the weapon, making

it capable of destroying a multi-million-dollar aircraft with a single hit

delivered to a vital area. "

 

The brochure also states, " Cost effectiveness of the Model cannot be

overemphasized when a round of ammunition purchased for less than $10 can be

used to

destroy or disable a modern jet aircraft. " That's some bargain, all right.

 

As to DeLay's claim of a vast left-wing conspiracy out to destroy the

conservative movement, nonsense. I like conservatives. They're opposed to all

questionable adventures abroad and for fiscal prudence and responsibility. It's

right-wing nuts I can't stand.

 

To find out more about Molly Ivins and read features by other Creators

Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at

_www.creators.com_ (http://www.creators.com) . COPYRIGHT 2005 CREATORS

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