Bush Files For Chapter 11 Moral Bankruptcy Protection

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Bush Files For Chapter 11 Moral Bankruptcy Protection

 

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor

Washington, D.C., March 12, 2006

 

The Bush administration has filed for Chapter 11 moral bankruptcy

protection, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today.

The unusual move, Mr. McClellan explained, is in reaction to the growing

spate of scandals that have brought presidential stock in both national

and international markets to the brink of collapse.

The filing will protect the Bush administration from moral creditors

while a court-appointed ethical overseer evaluates the administration's

moral debt.

 

" With presidential stock in free fall, a Chapter 11 moral bankruptcy

filing seemed to be the only way to appease our creditors while still

protecting the interests of our most important investors, "

McMcClellan said, referring in the latter case to the gun lobby, the

anti-gay lobby, the chemical, nuclear, tobacco, gambling, oil, gas,

coal, weapons, pharmaceutical and healthcare industries, radical

right-wing religious conservatives,

and the burgeoning torture industry, among others, all of whom hold

significant financial and ideological stakes in the Bush presidency.

 

" There comes a time when your moral debt to society is simply too

staggeringly large for normal operations to continue, " said Mr.

McClellan. " The Chapter 11 filing will grant us protection while we

attempt to redress that imbalance. "

 

Mr. McClellan said the administration hopes to have the popular Jesus of

Nazareth, a widely recognized expert on moral issues whom many consider

to be the son of God, appointed by the court as an independent arbitrator.

 

" If we get Jesus, I think the Chapter 11 process could be pretty

painless, " said Mr. McClellan. " He's known for forgiving debts,

absolving people of sin, all that kind of malarkey. Our hope is that we

can perform a minor internal reorganization while Jesus erases our moral

debts with as little disruption to day-to-day operations as possible,

then get right back to business. "

 

While operating under Chapter 11 moral bankruptcy protection, the Bush

administration will be effectively shielded from any legal claims

arising from its immoral or amoral behavior,

including such crimes as making a false case for the invasion of Iraq,

flaunting international law and treaties, promoting torture, destroying

the environment, deregulating harmful industries, stealing from the poor

to provide for the rich, and so forth.

 

" Admittedly, Jesus might have some issues with a few of those things, "

said Mr. McClellan, " particularly the torture thing, what with the

crucifixion and all, and the stealing from the poor, which, I believe,

based on a quick scan of the New Testament fact sheet, he might have

been opposed to. But we think by and large He'll be merciful. "

 

If the Bush administration's moral debt is found to exceed its assets,

ownership of the White House and the Congress will under the terms of

Chapter 11 be transferred to its principal creditors, in this case the

citizens of the United States.

 

" Obviously, that's a worst-case scenario, " said Mr. McClellan, " but if

it happens, we're standing ready to mobilize the military. "

 

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